Okay - I get it - I suck at blogging this year. I own it.... I admit it ..... got into the habit of doing it again for a WHOLE MONTH ... and then ........
............................ BAM.............
............................................ she drops off the face of the Earth.
I have to say, life has been VERY crazy the last few months. Crazy and chaotic ... but leading to times with a much better energy and calmer family time..... which in the long run is amazing...
Plus! My son is going to be MUCH happier .... and that is the best part.
...... If you follow me, you know generally what's been going on. The short of it is this....
My son Calahan was dating Elly's mom .... for over a year. However, she "cheated" on him early on. She was talking to her friend for hours, complaining about Cal to him, and any time he would try to talk to her about it, and how uncomfortable it made him - she would belittle him. Then she started to belittle him a lot .... calling him dumb, stupid, telling him he wouldn't succeed at anything, he's a failure, etc and so on. I would talk to her about this, ask her how it would feel if Cal would say that to her. I would also talk to Calahan about it and he would push it off. "I don't want to talk about it." and he would just avoid it. I know the behavior. I was the behavior with his biological father. It's an abusive relationship no matter how you look at it.
It was abuse. But we know she had been abused herself and that's why she was doing it to other people. It's a hard thing to change when it's pretty much embedded in you from your first breath.
Then came the secrets. Cal never keeps secrets from me. He rarely lies to me, especially as an adult. Other than telling me he'll get some chore done and not do it. That's an unintentional lie though.
I'd have talks with Cal, telling him that she's not building him up and supporting him despite the support and building up he did for her. The girl could do nothing wrong in his eyes. I would sit down and lay stuff out for Cal and I'd get so angry. I had proof of things I was saying.
So at some point you have to realize that you are doing more damage by pushing it and it's causing a wedge between us. So I stopped. And waited.
Whenever she did these things, and I would hear it, I'd talk to her. But a lot went on behind closed doors. Cal got secretive ...
I mean these kids are young. I'd try to use them as teaching moments. ::: sigh :::
Regardless .... after 14 months of dating .... she FINALLY broke up with him (because he wasn't going to do it...)
Just as she does this, she ......
Actually let me back up a second. Elly, my granddaughter, Shila and Kale's daughter.... (yes, let's have the Jerry Springer moment.... Shila and Kale (my adoptive son) were together for 3 years. (She says 5 but she's wrong, they got together summer of 2014, got pregnant with Elly Dec of 2014, had Elly Aug. 2015, and then broke up Aug 2017.) .... when Kale and Shila broke up, Shila went to Cal (my oldest biological son.)
So .... fast forward through a whole lot of drama.... after a year and two months, him standing by her as she cheated on him (kissing and who knows what else with one guy early on, and then from August to November spending her weekends with another guy other than Cal - and I mean EVERY weekend from morning until late at night ... and telling Cal that they are just friends (her and the guy) .... but this guy is buying her pretty much anything she deems "she needs" and taking her out ALL the time.... and then was after her trying to become affectionate with our friend who makes a lot of money and makes sure his four kids is taken care of...) .....
Things finally come to an end with Cal and Shila....
Oh and Shila's 5 year old daughter (Claire-bear) ratted out Mommy saying that Mommy was kissing the guy who took them trick or treating .... yep. Clairah's Daddy was concerned because Clairah was confused and wondering why Mommy wasn't with Cal.
Anyway ....
Shila and Kale have been in the middle of a nasty bit of CPS drama. I am not going to get into the reasons, who did or said what, and whatever else. It's not just my life and my family ....
So .... back in August - CPS wanted Elly to be placed in a safe, clean home environment and not be bounced around from here to there to anywhere. Originally it was set up so that DB and I were going to be signed over temporary custody ... and she was going to come live with us. But that didn't happen, just live in an apartment and couldn't swing it. So then the next best thing was going over to Nana & Papa's (my mom & dad's) and so Shila and Elly both went over ....
To make the transition easier on Elly, Shila went with .... because it wasn't with someone she was 100% established with and knew well (DB & I) .... she knows Nana & Papa of course, but not well enough to be thrown at them .... NOW she knows them really well...
Well it was understood - by Shila - that there were rules to follow. Moving in with my mom & dad would mean that Elly would likely go without anything and would - truly - be spoiled ...
Shila needed to focus on herself and making her life and Elly's life better. She needed to do everything CPS said. She would clean the house for "room and board" and she had to adhere to CPS' rules. Plus they needed to be in bed at a decent time, Shila was starting school, Elly was starting school, etc and so on....
Elly was doing really well with Nana and Papa and Momma, well, she doesn't like rules, so she started doing things like - lying, saying she was going to be home at a certain time and not following through (when Nana and Papa were watching Elly) ... and then came the night where she went to her sisters, and low and behold.... didn't come back until well after she was supposed to be home, and this was right after CPS had made a surprise visit and told her that they were taking Elly. So they pulled in, her dumb boyfriend got "scared" because Papa was waiting to tell the dumb boyfriend that he was no longer welcome on his property ... and they took off, with Elly.
Elly was placed in that home, not supposed to be spending the night anywhere else. (This btw, wasn't the only thing like this that happened, not to mention she was taking Elly someplace she was told she was absolutely was NOT supposed to take her...) ....
Cops were called, CPS couldn't be gotten ahold of... so the cops let Elly go with Shila and the following day, Shila came with three guys no one knew to get hers and Elly's stuff.... well most of it. Shila left all of Clairah's clothes though, which I guess said a lot about Shila and Clairah - also - because she was already showing lack of interest with spending time with her, since every time she needed to be reminded to call her daughter, to touch base, to see when she could see her ... and none of it seemed to phase her. Not talk or see your daughter for months, no biggy. Didn't seem to phase her one bit either way.
So .... smh .... Shila won that battle, but she took Elly away from the house where Elly was placed by CPS and needed to stay, and Shila could leave, but Elly was supposed to stay and that was made clear to Shila and she didn't seem to realize the ramifications this would have. Plus CPS already said they were going to remove Elly from Shila's care.
SO.... Shila left the county with an active CPS case, with a child she had already been told they were going to remove from her care.
Six days later, Shila got a phone call from the CPS Case Manager telling her that the courts were taking Elly from her custody, and that she better be at the CPS office in the county we live, by 4pm or they were going to her, and Shila would be arrested.
So ... after a stressful day, Shila showed up at CPS at about 6pm (TWO HOURS LATE!) and Elly was handed over to Nana and Papa where she now lives, who now have custody of her (currently) where she has her own room and is spoiled to the bone.
At this point, I won't share anymore going on with CPS in regards with Elly. Other than to say that they are involved and the courts are beyond involved. And there is actually - currently - more than ONE case going on ....
I have to say though, I was pretty stressed and worried because - I was just worried about Elly. So there were several nights I didn't actually sleep.
But we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. How could we not knowing that Elly was safe and being taken care of ....
Here are our pictures of our Thanksgiving #1 ... with my Mom, Dad and Elly .... and the four boys, DB and I .... oh and the dogs... LOL... but I didn't get a pic of the dogs....
I even dressed up and put on jewelry (which I rarely do)
My hubby and I before we left.... (yes he has his chef's coat on) ....
Mr. Noah ... and his really big book....
My boys....
Miss Elly in her FAVORITE boots!! LOL .... I adore this girl.
Nonna and Elly ....
We had great food.... ham, deep fried turkey, scalloped corn, baked squash, stuffing, mashed tators & gravy, apple salad ... and more ... like pumpkin pie and all that fun stuff...
Mr. Nathan....
Calahan and Elly, she's such a lucky little girl to have two great Daddies who love her sooooo much, and two Mommies too .... and hopefully Elly isn't going to be the on who pays for the mess that is going on .... I know Cal was really hurt and confused and felt like he couldn't be Elly's "Daddy" anymore but that's not going to change....
But boy, I was thankful for coming home and enjoying some quiet and solitude.. lol....
So as we say goodbye to November, and I failed NoBloPoMo for yet another year .... I am very thankful that this month is ending the way it is. A couple more years and my family will be in a really good place, DB will be done with his degree and hopefully soon after that - getting all our ducks in a row, and then hopefully buying our own house or at least renting a bigger one.
I have high hopes for things looking up and bright in December and making it through another month. I'm going to try my best to work past my pain and become more active. Slowly been gaining weight and I'm not okay with it..... so I do really want to work on that .... it's just hard with the Fibro Beast sitting on my shoulders every damn day ....
But I love my family. My whole family. The dynamic may change sometimes, but it seems to stick to or come back to the same core. DB, Me, the five boys (Cal, Noah, Nate, Kaed and Kale) ... and our little Princess Ellyanne. Wish the older daughter was more a part of our family and of course continued resistance there.
So goodbye November 2018 ......
And hello to December .... may you be good to all of us... I plan on going out of this year, with a perfect December... ... which .... is probably .... unrealistic ....