Dennis yesterday morning, before 5 am ... woke me up with a kiss. This morning, he's in bed because of his encephalitic allergic reaction yesterday - he's still not feeling up to par. Apparently he got a super bad headache cuz of the epi shot.
So I entered a contest earlier this month... Usually I don't enter the blog contest scene (other then Angie's and a few others here and there) but this one caught me because it was about love.
This was the question - basically...
Taking a Chance on Love, have you ever taken a chance?
I'm like HELLYES .... (yeah that's one word ya know!) ...
So I left a little note about how Dennis and I met, but I thought I would share the long version.
I got married when I was 18 years old, I was already 12 weeks pregnant ... the day before the wedding, we heard the baby's heartbeat ... the night of the wedding, the morning sickness hit with a vengeance. (We won't mention I had already miscarried Cal's twin). Pregnancy was tough, everything was new and scary - every growing pain caused concern and "couldn't be normal" ... but when his Christmas Due Date came and went ... I was mad - I wanted that baby for Christmas. Instead I went into the hospital on Jan 4 to be induced. They got as far as putting the meds in to ripen my cervix and my contractions started. 13 hours later, I welcomed my first son into the world. My husband (my ex now) got sick when Calahan was 6 months old, in and out of the hospital... but we had good times for the first 5 years of our marriage. I had a few more miscarriages as we tried for baby #2. He was diagnosed with Crohn's. In Dec. 99 (been married 4 1/2 years) he had to have life saving surgery to removed all of the disease .. in April 2000 he cheated on me with the manager at his work ... and my world fell apart. We "worked" on it - but nothing was really the same. I had no trust for him anymore. It's really hard to get that back. He was a good dad, but not the best. He was often yelling at Calahan instead of talking to him, and instead of being sensitive to Cal being a sensitive child - he would yell at him for crying. Seemed nothing Cal did was right. I tried a lot to help him work on those skills he was lacking, but it always seemed 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. Eventually we made a little progress ... but it wasn't easy. Then he did the stupidest thing of his life, and got arrested for it. I had no clue, but I had just gotten pregnant with Noah. When I found out I was shocked, and broke into tears. Of joy, of fear, I was finally pregnant with #2 - after 5 years of infertility - but no wasn't exactly the best timing. My (ex) husband was in jail and here I was, faced with finding out I was pregnant. My gut told me to leave, but so many voices around me told me they couldn't believe he could do something like THAT ... and he swore to me he didn't do it. I had a choice, either face being alone and pregnant, or believe him. I guess at that time, I pushed all my gut feelings, all my instincts down - and chose to believe him. (I wish I had left now, but what can you do - and if I had, who knows if I would have met Dennis!) ... so I was pregnant, he was on trial - home - but on trial - for about the worst thing you can do other then murdering someone. He ended up pleading guilty saying that he was doing it for me, for the baby, for Cal because he could never win - no one would believe him. I was a single parent for a year, with a sick baby and a 6 year old son, while he was jail (his plead to sentence) ... and then he came home, and nothing was really ever the same. We weren't the same. But again ... we *tried* ... My life was so messed up, and I didn't know how to get out, or how to change it at least. Seemed like it was a never ending pit. Then he and my "best friend" started up their inappropriate relationship. If they had sex or not, I don't know, I don't care, but I suspect yes. We started to fight, he started to abuse me, holding me hostage basically, disconnecting the phone from the house so I couldn't call anyone... even went as far as raping me after I started a new relationship, and in 6 months time, he gave HER over $7000. 3 months before our divorce was final, he tried to break into my house at 1am and I called 9-1-1 ... and he was arrested. Based on a tape phone conversation (long story) where he admitted to the rape (which wasn't even provided to the cops by me) ... he was put into prison for 3 1/2 years because it was a violation of his probation. - the whole thing is a long story, and this isn't about my ex... once he was in prison, my (ex) boyfriend and I broke up and I gave up ... I figured it would just be the three of us together ... and that was it... and I was okay with that. Deep down I wanted to get married again, have more kids, but I figured that would never happen - here I was - a used woman who had been married for 10 years, and I had 2 kids - both with their own issues, but one with a really rare genetic disorder... who would want to take that on???I was on free dating sites, mostly for fun and a little attention ... but I didn't expect to meet anyone on there that would truly be something that would last.....
That is a self portrait I did. It was on my profile on these sites, one of my favorite photos of me. Needless to say, he says when he saw that photo - he fell in love with me. Ha! So he "winked" at me. And I would check out anyone who sent me winks or whatnot on there... and I looked over his profile. I saw he lived in NC (me in WI) ... and I figured we had a few comment interests... so I emailed him and said "hey thanks for the wink!" or something like that. "I see you are interested in photography (and whatever else it was) .. too bad you are in NC" ... but I figured we could be friends. We emailed back and forth a few times, and then exchanged yahoo messenger IDs and started talking on there, and webcamming... and I didn't give pretty much anyone my phone number, but when he asked for it - I reluctantly gave it to him - and he called me - I was so freakin nervous. I already knew something else was starting between us and so did he. We talked every waking moment we could - while he wasn't at work, and I wasn't at school. We'd talk via phone, text message, IM, webcam... he saw my kids on webcam and they him, but after my previous relationship, after I split from my ex, I learned I didn't want them getting attached to anyone just to end up getting hurt in the long run, so I said I wouldn't bring them into a relationship until I was sure things were going somewhere (but that would be tough since I had no babysitter.) ...My mom had come in for my cousin's wedding and when she left, she took my boys with her to allow me to A: find myself ... B: be myself without being Mom ... C: have a little fun ... D: figure things out. Her ultimate goal was to get me out to WA and convince me to move out there. She was going to get the boys to love it and so when I came out there to get them at the end of the summer, we wouldn't want to go.
So I didn't tell her about Dennis for a little while... but once I made the choice to go to NC while the kids were in WA, I told her - gave her his address, phone number, full name - all that stuff - just incase. I might have been crazy but wasn't completely irresponsible. Then I went down there. I was nervous - figuring once he saw me in person he would take one look at me and not want me ... snap his finger and yell "NEXT" ... but when he saw me, he smiled and he grabbed me, tipped me back and crushed his lips to mine. It was totally one of those sweep you off your feet type of movie kisses. I think at that point, I feel the rest of the distance I needed to - to be completely in love. Damn him!
We spent about 2 weeks in NC before deciding to move him to WI ... we knew we wanted to get married (he actually asked me before we even met, but I wouldn't give him an answer) ... and so he moved to WI and a few weeks after getting to WI - I had to leave for 2 weeks to go get the kids. So while I was out in WA I told the kids that there was a new man in Mommy's life and he wanted to be in their lives too, that we wanted to get married, and all that stuff ... it was hard, but webcamming with him from my mom's - the kids started to like him. He came and picked us up from the airport and Noah seemed to attach himself to him right away. Cal was a little tougher case to crack, but before long, you could tell he eased up some too.After we got back, I apparently got pregnant RIGHT AWAY ... dang... and found out the end of August. Hello shock - how are you? And we were excited. We had been planning an October 2007 wedding ... but we talked about doing the legal end sooner just so we were married before the baby was born. First we were going to, then we weren't... and then in November, 2 minutes after he left the house, he called me up and said "hey, I was wondering something," and I'm like "okay?" ... he says "you want to get married next month?" ... I was like "and you couldn't ask me this 2 minutes ago standing infront of me???"
I had always told him, I wanted the big wedding - beautiful - my dream wedding. I wanted the proposal, the romantic proposal! I haven't gotten either! I want both!! I didn't care if we did the legal stuff first, but I wanted both.
Well I'm still waiting... LOL...
<- look it is our wedding day, I'm 18 weeks pregnant with Nathan. LOL... I miss my hair, I was STUPID for cutting it off... and OMG go look at it in my pregnancy pictures with Kaedyn - seriously - stupid for cutting it! So we started to plan a mini wedding. He didn't have a tux, but he had a suit. I got a really pretty simple maturnity dress. We didn't tell many people, but a few friends showed up at the court house to see the "event" and we fully planned on having the big wedding later one in the next year or two (like I said, still waiting) ... Anyway .... we found out shortly after getting married about Nathan's issues (the cyst in his brain) and Dennis truly got to experience and understand all those thing I had told him with Noah. He got his first round in the NICU and I got my second (and our last) ... After Nathan was born, we talked about having another. but thought we would put it off. There were plus and minuses to both side. Well, when Nathan was 9 months old, I found out ... it didn't matter anymore cuz I was pregnant. Kaedyn is completely health though - I actually had him at home (as in local hospital) and his birth was a great end to everything that previously happened. Dennis is truly (along with the kids) the best thing that ever happened to me. The man infuriates me sometimes but I love him so much. I can't imagine life without him. We aren't perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We are so much a like that I actually joke that he's the male version of me. We think the same, have the same beliefs, core values... we mesh so well together. I am truly blessed. And together - we blended our family. My two boys from my first marriage, his daughter, and our two boys together. All the kids are "Ours" no matter if they are ours by blood or not. Calahan and Noah are just as much his as they are mine. He loves them so much. I love his daughter too but we haven't met - she's part of our family regardless. The boys know about her, there are pictures of her all over. We are a family, Dennis and I, and the five kids.
And with all that being told....I got news yesterday morning that OMGosh!! I WON!!! Check it out!!!
