JULY 17th : I'm Really Good At.... & I always ...

I'M REALLY GOOD AT .... 

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There is that ^^^^ up there ^^^^  I'm good at that.  Yes it was TOTALLY an excuse to show off some of my photography through the years.  LOL ....  2012, 2016, 2017 stuff there ... I just picked some years and shared a couple of things.

I think I am also pretty good at being a Mom...   I'm not perfect, I'm not the best ... but I love my kids beyond words...  if nothing else, I am really good at loving them...   I do get an occasional .... "YOU ARE THE BEST MOM" from one of the kids, which usually turns into another kid piping up in agreement .... Of course I tell the kids when they yell "I HATE YOU" at me that it's a compliment because it means I'm doing my job right.  I won't lie, it does always sting a little.  Depending on the situation I might hide in the bathroom and cry a little.

I am not the way I would envision the "best" mom in the world to be.  I don't bake cookies before the kids get home from school.  (Thanks Donna Reed for that one!) ...  I don't even cook 97% if the time because I am not good at it, and my husband is REALLY good at it (hello trained chef!) ... so he takes on the cooking and I turn into a food snob because no one's food turns out like his (oh and yes, he's not perfect either - we have inedible dinner nights...lol) ... but I DO let my kids be who they are.  And I think that's really important.

I ALWAYS .... 

So I admit .... I looked at this for awhile and was drawing a blank the whole time.  I'm sitting here thinking.....

.... what the hell do I always do?  What do I always feel?  What is always ..... ?

So then I'm thinking, well ALWAYS is some sort of promise.... to someone, to myself... 

But with Fibro you learn that you can't ALWAYS be true to your promises or plans...  because you can get sick quickly and have to cancel plans..  so you learn that you don't make promises because you know that you won't ALWAYS be able to follow through and that sucks ... royally sucks. 

At this point, I have realized that I can't make any plans.  I can promise to TRY and be there but I make no guarantees ....

But none of that felt right ...  so I tried thinking a little deeper.... 

I wracked my brain and I kept thinking .... "I always ..." and everything I think of I could counter with a "what if...." and my always would disappear into a circumstance that would make the ALWAYS go away .... and it would become an "I always...." until such and such ...

BUT .... there are a few things that I finally FINALLY thought of ......

I will ALWAYS love my children to the moon and well beyond ... 
I will ALWAYS be there for my children in whatever way I can help at the time...  even if it's just to listen and be a shoulder or a sturdy pillar of support.
I will ALWAYS love my husband, even if things should go wrong, I can't see myself with anyone else.  (I do know this because this is how I felt when we almost split.)
I will ALWAYS try to better my relationship with my husband.
I will ALWAYS try to support my husband to the best of my ability. 
I will ALWAYS try to be the best friend that I can be.

I think that's a pretty good list..... 

July 7th : What I Did Today & How Did I Feel Today

WHAT I DID TODAY

Well - this morning DB and I were going to go run some errands, and literally while we were leaving my oldest son messaged me and asked us to come and get him at his girlfriend's place.  They had broken up and he just wanted to come home.

We ended up stopping and getting a little food, and then groceries, and went home.   We've been talking to Cal about everything.  Told him we thought it was probably a good thing that they broke up or were taking a break.

I love Shila like a daughter.  Clairah and Elly are my granddaughters, that's not going to change, ever.  But Cal is clearly unhappy -  lately.  She comes round and he's way more grouchy and angry, and we see that change in him.  When she's not around, he's super happy and laughing.

That is not saying that it's Shila's fault, but the two of them have already hit that ... pit in their relationship.  They have great highs, and they have great lows, and there doesn't seem a lot of anything in the middle.

There are things that I don't agree with, that have happened.  I have concerns.  So it's hard.

After we got home, we all kinda did our own things.  I went on my laptop and was editing pictures I never did from vacation last year.   I think I just had gotten burnt out from editing ...  then got busy with life.  But there are so many amazing photos that I am kicking myself.

We went up in the Space Needle and I noticed ALL these sailboats out on the water.  It was pretty amazing.  

The sunset pictures were taken from the Seattle/Bremerton Ferry

 HOW DID I FEEL TODAY

I am a generally happy person.  I try to see things from the "bright" side....

Lately I have been feeling a little depressed, more down which isn't the norm...  I just have an issue with my book, I'm super crazy proud of it and I'm hitting my head against a wall.

So I'm kinda in a ... content "meh" state of mind. 

There is SNOW!!!!!!!!!

Insomnia is a partner no one wants sticking around.

So this is what the outside looked like just after midnight.  Snow snow snow...

But this is what we woke up to...... .

I wish I could act like a cat today ....  LOL....  he's so handsome.

My low grade temp is still being a low grade temp....

My fasting isn't too bad today :(

DB surprised me with the most awesomest thing he could!  A new book!  Especially one by my most favorite of favorites!

I got up, and got dressed ....  and I put my hair up in a clip.

The snow just keeps coming down......

Demon kitty infront of the tv which is now totally "her spot" ....

Back to watching Supernatural .....

Today I ended up watching........ Season Two.....

24 2 "Everybody Loves a Clown"
25 3 "Bloodlust"
26 4 "Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things"
27 5 "Simon Said"

So while DB was out driving with Cal, they took these..... 

We thought this one was pretty cool of the snow plow ....

He got home right before I went to take the boys outside .....   He took this picture of Nathan

Kaedyn sitting by Nana

Jaxson by the fire ....

Nathan looking out the patio at the snow ....

Me outside getting snow in the ginger ....

The boys eating the snow .....

Bubba playing in the snow

Nathan being silly

Here Kaedyn is throwing a snowball for Jaxson who totally chases them....

Jaxson going after more snow, I thought these were both pretty cool pictures.....

Nathan made a snow angel - Kaedyn was going to and Jaxson started walking all over him so he stopped.  Then said it was too cold.

Jaxson would jump up and grab the tree limb to shake the tree and knock the snow down.  LOLOL

This is when Kaedyn was going to do his snow angel ... lol....

Wet snow melted on my head.....  

Here is some photography I did (without my watermark because I don't have the it done for this year yet, but I shall get it.  Still wanted to share the pictures.  (There are about 12 of them) 

I really love these photos of Jaxson ....

We wore him out.  Livvy was laying there, curled up, with one eye open.  Literally.

Nathan ended up falling asleep - I think he woke up around 1AM and he ended up crashing early.  Then he continued to sleep through the night.  He was suppppppper tired.

Snooooooooooooooow....

The one thing I have noticed, kinda funny, is that the red hair seem to make my eyes pop a lot more than they used to.  My eyes (my blue) seems so dark most of the time.  I wish I had brighter eyes. My boys have my eyes.  All of them! LOL....  (poor DB)

I ended today watching Celebrity Apprentice ....  with the cat in her favorite place again ...

Picture from One Year Ago today .......

Fun Memory from last year (Today one year ago) ....

Things Kids Say #22432: Kaedyn comes up me while I was in the kitchen and says "Mommy, will you look at my leg?" I say of course, tell him to go in our room and he gets up on my bed and he shows me his leg - which has a small bruise on it. He says "Mommy is that a bad spot?" I'm thinking bad spot? I go "like an bad spot on an apple?" he goes "Yeah" and I said "No honey, that's just a bruise. It'll heal up and go away. It's not something we cut off like with an apple." Poor kid. Imagine that panic he felt prior to talking to me about it thinking I might have to cut out that spot on his leg? Poor kid....

This photo is from Feb. 6, 2010 .... this is Kaedyn sitting on the back of our couch watching the snow fall in Wisconsin before we moved ....  he was one ... I love this picture....

.... Okay - so today is the first day of Feeding Tube Awareness Week

Feb. 6 - Feeding Tube Awareness Week ~ Day 1 .... Size Matters. Nathan has never been a very strong grower. We found out quickly that not only did he have a thyroid disorder (hypothyroid) but also human growth hormone deficiency. Being born at only 3lbs 4oz it took him a long time to just hit 10 lbs. It was hard because he was literally only gaining a half an ounce to an ounce a week. He was lucky if he gained 2 oz .... He was thrown the label Failure to Thrive. And then, I was pregnant again. Nathan was 16 months old when Kaedyn was born. They bonded quickly, and strongly. Kaedyn pushed Nathan to meet milestones that we aren't sure Nathan would have pushed himself to meet. We aren't sure Nathan would have walked without Kaedyn. They had a twin like relationship from the start. Both in diapers, both with bottles, Kaedyn was a Paci baby and Nathan was NOT however, Nathan loved NOTHING more than to take Kaedyn's pacifiers and pop them in his mouth! They even had their own language that only the two of them understood, much like twins do. Kaedyn would say something to Nathan, Nathan would nod and run off into another room, and come back with something, and Kaedyn would take it like it was planned. It was CRAZY. They have and always will have this amazing bond. But size does matter. Kaedyn QUICKLY caught up to Nathan in weight and size. They wore the same size for a looooooong time.. And then Kaedyn surpassed Nathan... and you could tell it bothered Nathan. Suddenly Kaedyn was handing clothes down to Nathan. It was a bit crazy. Sometimes Nathan would voice being upset about it. He would remind Kaedyn that HE is the BIG brother ... and that he was going to be big like him. In moments like that, it makes you want to cry. We all try hard never to make Nathan self conscious about his size though. He has to take a lot of meds to help his growth and we do have to tell him, and remind him, that if he wants to be big like his brothers, he's got to have his shot, he's got to do his feed, he has to go through a lot that his brothers don't have to. Regardless, he is our little man and we love him sooooo much. Way beyond any size.

And a few things I need to share that I shared on FB today - cuz they are all true....

This has happened in my life, and not by my own - cuz - you can't sneak attack yourself... that's for sure.

This is Nathan & Kaedyn.  I literally used to call them the Toddler Twin Tornadoes........ every.day.of.my.life.

This is 100% true, absolutely ....... ABSOLUTELY ....