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The Blur of a Week ...

The last week...  actually, week and a half, has been such a blur.  I spent most of it in unbelievable pain. Over a week ago (almost 2 weeks ago) ... Tuesday, late at night I started to get a really bad headache.  I figured...  that's fine, I'll just sleep it off.

Woke up Wednesday morning, it wasn't gone - and it was worse.  Now, my head was hurting and my jaw was just in horrible pain, and it hurt everywhere inbetween.. on both sides.  My cheek bone, my eye was light sensitive, my ear hurt ... and it wasn't just a tooth - it was the entire right side of my jaw both upper and lower.  I suffered through Wednesday taking 800 mg of ibuprofen that I wasn't suppose to be taking due to my liver issues.  I had a cold wash cloth on my face, but nothing was making it feel better.  That night, I fell asleep on my right side, with my hand between my pillow and face, holding a cold washcloth ... and putting pressure on my face. I had taken my last Vicodin with my pills that night.  Luckily, luckily.... I fell asleep.

Thursday morning, woke up, and the pain was almost worse, or maybe it just because it was ongoing and even my high pain tolerance was not handling it well anymore.  By noon, I was in tears, rocking back and forth, just crying ... poor Kaedyn was rubbing my back trying to comfort me with his whispering voice ... it broke my heart in both a bad way and a good way - it was so sweet he was doing it and it made me proud to see him so compassionate... and it hurt me because no child should see their parent in that much pain.  We were just waiting for Calahan to get home so that Dennis could take me to the ER.   When he got home, we left him with Kaedyn, and Dennis took me to the ER.  We got there and some - obvious - drug seeking twenty-something guy beat me into the building by a few seconds.  He immediately goes into his "my chest hurts - I need vicodin" speech.  For the next 10  minutes I hear him argue with the registration people, he just wants them to get a doctor to give him some vicodin and their telling him it doesn't work like that, he was just in there that early morning and they gave him medicine for his cough already ...  I'm sitting there trying not to cry.   I get taken in one of the rooms for vitals, I can barely talk...they are asking me my list of medications, it's a long list and I couldn't think.  I manged to give them my list, but wasn't sure on most of the dosages ..  my blood pressure was so high and my pulse was too...  it was obvious I was in pain, and I got taken back.  Managed to give the nurse my dosages (Dennis brought my pills back with him when he brought my ID) ... and then the DR came in, I told him what was going on ...  he and I both touched my teeth and my gums, nothing specifically hurt to the touch, it was just my whole jaw on the right side.  Both of us were baffled by the fact that whatever was going on only effected the right side of my face.   Eventually, he just figured it had to be some sort of weird migraine.  So he wanted to start an IV and give me some meds.  So when the nurse came in - I told her...... she had to numb me before she put the IV in, with a lydicane injection or something.  She said that they didn't do that but she could do something like it that has been successful in numbing.  I said, I didn't care, just as long as it was numb.  So she listened to me, and got it on the first try.  She gave me some meds, one of which was a pain med that I knew didn't work for me, but I hoped maybe for my sake, it would.  I didn't have any fight left in me.  I just didn't.  Dennis was back and forth dealing with the kids, getting Nathan off his bus, and sending him and Kaedyn off with my cousin Ashley for a little while. Then he came back to sit with me.  They checked my blood sugar and it was high, so she ended up giving me a shot of insulin ... it was the first time I got an insulin shot.  I was happy it didn't hurt.  I  I fell asleep at some point, woke in less pain, that was a plus.  At that point... I was ready to go home.  So after I told them it went from a 12 to about a 5 on the happy face crying face 1-10 pain scale...  he released me.   By the time I went to bed, the pain was coming back full force. 

I spent my Friday and Saturday fighting with the pain.  By the time Saturday night rolled around, a lot of the jaw pain was still there, but it was localized now to one tooth.  I was still popping 800mg of ibuprofen and the cold washcloth was my best friend...  I kept thinking about going in, but was kinda embarrassed ...  sigh. 

Sunday rolled around and I knew I was gonna have to go in - but I was still avoiding it.  I had pressure in my chest - something I couldn't really pin point.  I ignored it.  We were suppose to go to my mom's to celebrate my cousin's birthday ... so we went, we ate ... I ate what I could ....  and when we finally got home, I finally told Dennis about the ongoing pressure in my chest.  I had him feel my racing heart, he listened to my chest, he said he couldn't tell any difference.  But I could.  It felt like someone had their hand around my heart tightly and it was having to fight in order to get that beat out...  I sat down with my laptop, posted something about having pressure in my chest, and soon enough - I got an IM from my mom "what do you mean you have pressure in your chest?" which was soon followed with "GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!" ... about 20 minutes later, she called the house and when I picked up, she said "what are you still doing there??"   I told her we couldn't go in without finding Kaedyn a paci - Cal would never be able to get him to sleep.  So while we were talking, she told me she was just worried because heart issues runs in our family ...  a paci was found, and out the door we went. 

I told the registration people what was going on, and they made me sit in a wheelchair.  I hate that.  Stupid wheelchairs.  I didn't need one.  But .. "it's just to be on the safe side" ...  usually when you go in for heart issues, you get taken back right away, but I had to sit in the waiting room for about 5 or 10 minutes.  When we got taken back, immediately I was bombed with a million stickers and hooked up to an EKG machine, the heart monitors were put on me, another blood pressure, my pulse was racing ..  yep, I think I am thoroughly scared now.  They need blood work and need to get an IV in ... so I tell her the same thing I told the nurse on Thursday, only this one... yeah - she didn't listen so much.   She put on some lydicane cream ... I remember them using this on me before - only she put a huge amount on me and then covered it with a clear bandage thingy, and I remember it worked....  this nurse, she put a little bit on my hand where the vein was she wanted to go for.  So she leaves and comes back after she feels was enough time for my hand to be numb... and she pokes me, instantly I'm tense ... then the DR comes in to talk to me.  So I'm trying to talk to the DR while she's DIGGING in my hand trying to get a vein... and then it BLEW.  BOOOOOOOOOOY did it blow.  There was a HUGE HUGE bubble under my skin.   This is what my hand looked like on Wednesday, 3 days after ...  huge bruise covering about half the back of my hand, and it STILL hurts...

I was not happy.  She came back in, and I told her, "listen, the cream didn't work, I don't care if you have to poke me twice, you need to numb me up with an injection..."  so she listened, and got it on the first try.  I went back for x-ray too, and was told I look 15.  HA!   So..  they asked me if there was any chance I was pregnant.... and I told them ... "If my 4 kids aren't birth control enough, the fact my husband got fixed should help, and I'm on birth control!"  yep...  in pain but still got my spunk!  Anyway ...while we were waiting on the test results ..  Dennis and I were watching the heart monitor and we saw a definite change when I was having those pressure pains....

As the pressure was happening, I usually got this short beat followed by longer then normal beat... the short beat didn't ALWAYS happen ....

 Dennis was sure that they were going to keep me - but the DR came in, said that my tests came back all looking good, and we told him what we saw on the monitor... he said they were heart palpitations and some people are more sensitive to feeling them - and obviously I'm one of those people.  They started me on pain pills and antibiotics while I was there, and sent me home with both.  I was so thankful.  Seriously - thankful.  It's nice to not be in pain for the first time in almost a week. 

Monday, Dennis called the dentist, and got me an appointment for the following morning.  All I could think was .... 

suffered through the pain all day, had happy moments of drugged-up-ed-ness still didn't want to go in... to the ... dum dum dum...  DENTIST....

However, Tuesday morning, I went in ....... the tooth was bad, the infection was definitely in my jaw ... it was so bad it was seriously effecting me...  not good... not good at all ...  so the dentist said he could fix it, but I needed a root canal....  I can't afford a root canal....  so he said the only other option was to pull it.  So he pulled it...... and then gave me more happy drugs and another Rx for antibiotics ... 

It's now Saturday - all week I've been dealing with this infection that has spread and hurts like crazy.  The pain pills only help for a couple hours, and I can only take them every 6 .... so .. you do the math...

It's finally gotten to the point where the pain meds are helping all the time...  and it's Saturday ...  yep yep...

So I'm sorry I haven't been blogging for the past week and some, I have to say, I wasn't any use to anyone.  I'm really sorry that I missed some of my favorite blog events.... 

Welcome ICLW'ers!

It is time for I.Comment.Leave.Week .... YAY!!!  If you'd like to know more about it........ please check out Mel's Blog: Stirrup Queen .......

You can read many of my last ICLW intro's HERE .. but .... that might be a little boring.

Let me give you a bit of history.......(I'm actually going to copy and paste this from last month I participated ..  just cuz I am sick right now!!)

For those who have suffered, I have been there... I was on the infertility train ... for ... a .... long ..... time.   5 years, and then another 4 years.  Luckily, I suffered from Secondary Infertility so I had a little boy, who was BEGGING me for a little "sisser" ... to keep my mind off it (read sarcasm).  Unfortunately - your mind becomes so wrapped around everything, and over analyzing EVERY symptom... no one knows how much infertility hurts but someone who has been through it.  Doesn't matter if you have other kids or not, if you feel like your family is incomplete, it hurts just as bad.

I know a lot of people who are going through infertility without having children yet, don't feel the same.  And I can respect that.  I would probably feel the same way.  But I know how much it hurt me, and how it crushed my soul.   On top of fighting the fight... I suffered 14 miscarriages.  Some of them, I have to say, were easier then others.  There were ones I was just so crushed and heartbroken, others I expected and was just pessimistic about... some I wanted so bad and ...my hopes and dreams for that baby were shattered upon the jagged rocks of a beach...

All I think about is....... if I hadn't lost some of those babies, I wouldn't have the ones I have, and I love my boys!  They were fought for....... With Calahan I lost his twin....and by some miracle he hung in there....  then the five years of secondary infertility happened.... got Noah and was told he would die during the pregnancy due to his rare genetic disorder... but he is my 9 year old miracle man!  Then suffered more infertility....  Then I got divorced, gave up on men, and met ... cheesy as it sounds..... the love of my life.  I can't explain how much I love the man.  We decided to give it a shot and got pregnant right away!  I honestly didn't think I was and it took my very persistent BFF to cyberly push me to the bathroom - literally - and when I was walking up the stairs back to my computer ....   and I looked down, and saw those two lines.... the world actually stopped moving.  Then the news came about his medical issues, and my world broke open and swallowed me whole. No one really knew how scared I was, but going through what I had already with Noah, in the NICU, all the medical stuff, knowing that - to this day - anything could happen and I could lose him .... and now, it was happening all over again.  Nathan's issues are different, but they are more severe.  They could be worse, don't get me wrong...  but I worry about his future.  I worry if he'll have one.  He is just such a ... vibrate little guy.  That's all I can focus on sometimes.  His list of medical issues, seems endless sometimes.  But he is certainly one of the five loves of my life.  Then....  we decided to try again - miscarriage on our 1st wedding anniversary and 2 weeks later, a little egg was implanting again.... a few days later, after an early morning wake up call from the SWAT team breaking in next door........ I got two faint pink lines ....... and that would be my Kaedyn..... healthy as can be.

If you are interested in reading more of the boys' ... you can see updates  MY UNIQUE FLOWERS ..  We are also doing a Fundraiser for Nathan and Noah.  I am trying to raise money to get to Chicago this summer so we can meet with the DR who is the "leading" doctor in Nathan's specific disorder (Russell-Silver Syndrome) ...  we'll also have the chance to learn things that can help Nathan now and in the future, and meet with other families who have little kids like mine.  In addition, they also deal with some of Noah's issues there so I'm wanting to go there for both of them. 

I am proud to say I am an IF grad........ I hate that I can read most of your blogs and totally relate with the feelings ... but I do.  No one should have to go through what we do for wanting one of the most basic things in life.

All I can say, is I wish one thing for all my friends suffering, for all the people suffering from infertility ... I really, truly hope, 2011 and 2012 are YOUR years to be filled with buldging bellies, miserable pregnancies that will totally be worth it (and trust me, as much as you don't want to complain or are thankful for that life inside you, you WILL complain and you will, on some days, especially towards the end, be miserable-- it'll be a HAPPY miserable) .. .. and followed by nothing but dirty diapers, sleepless nights and payments of smiles and giggles and heart-bursting firsts!

If you want to read more of my blog, I have some highlighted posts on the left menu :)   Thanks for stopping by!!

Makin Chili Fries...

I recently visited VivoBello's blog and joined up in a give-away for these two great cookbooks!!

It was to launch Author's Erin Chase's new website :)

Then I got the news that I WON!!

I've only gotten the Breakfast & Lunch one, for some reason, so far ... but I love it :D   There are several recipes that I want to try - and ...  for me, that's saying something - considering I'm allergic to so much.

So we decided to try out the "Oven Chili Fries" first... 

 Pre-heated the oven and got the pan ready ...

 Got my ingredients ...

 Washed up 6 potatoes ...  (recipe only called for 4, and I only ended up using 4)

 Cut them all up ....

 Put them in the bowl with the mixture on the bottom so I could toss them and get the potatoes covered..

 After they were all covered with the "chili" mixture...

 Threw them in the oven...

 After they were done..........

 And they were SOOOOOOO GOOD!!!  I was afraid they might be to spice with the chili powder, but they were great!!  I highly suggest just eating them with Ranch though because Ketchup didn't taste so good!! LOL!!

So if you want to try them out yourself, here is the recipe.... and GO BUY THE COOKBOOKS!!! :D

I'm such a tease... LOL...

Castle Season Finale ...

In Highschool I had a lot of different "favorite" TV shows......  X-Files....  and then Gilmore Girls replaced that once X-Files once they stopped...  and then Castle took Gilmore Girls place...  upon one of the saddest days of my life when Gilmore Girls stopped...  (You'll be happy to know, in SIM-land, Luke and Lorelei got married and had babies!) ... 

ANYWAY - back to point..... CASTLE ... my favorite TV Show currently on air. 

Writer Richard Castle (Nathan is a good looking guy!) ...  anyway ... following Kate Beckett, a homicide detective...  of course, there are incredible sparks between them... but other then a kiss and some close calls to sharing feelings... the writers have done well with having them dance around their feelings....

The Cast of Castle....... will never look the same again ...   there will be a missing major character...

So Castle, even though it is your job to keep people hanging until the next season....   its not very nice to do what you did this season.  I cried, I laughed, I cheered for Castle using the *L* word.....    but the moments following that spectacular moment.........

SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED....  ::sigh:: that wasn't very nice at all. 

And now I have to wait until Fall ....

(SCREAMS)

Please, hurry up and bring it back... because, I am going to be watching past episodes until then....

Wooden Park of Wonderful!

A couple years ago, when I had flown out to WA to get the older two boys when my mom had brought them to WA for the summer (back in 2006) ...  we visited this awesome park!!   It was this wooden park of wonderful, both Calahan and Noah had such a fun time at it.  So we went over to my mom's for a grill out yesterday and in the afternoon - laundry was still going - the kids were somewhere between wanting to play more and tired... so I asked mom to show me where the park was again, turned out - it was right next the fairground and we'd literally passed it several times and not seen it (to be fair, you had to turn by the fairgrounds and we'd always gone straight past the fairground) ...  We've been here for a little over a year now, and it's funny.  I had asked about it a few times, but the info never engaged I guess.

So Mom, Dennis and I packed up in the van with all the kids and headed over .... here is the park of wonderful ....

You can see little man Nathan there with Daddy close behind....  They had such a BLAST.  A complete blast there.

Kaedyn loved to be driving the boat ...

 

There was also the Firetruck...

And the Tracker ...

There are all sorts of terrains and tunnels that are almost like mazes.. and walkways...  even some rope bridges...

I can't tell you how much the terrains and stuff is needed with our guys!!  Next time we are there - I'm getting a picture and/or video of Nathan going down the fireman pole ... because let me tell you, I had a heart-attack! HA!  He's sooooooo little and he does it like a pro ... but I have to be honest, it gave me a heart-attack when I saw him do it the first time.  But the terrains and the different ways to different things... it helps the kids with physical therapy ... it's especially good for Noah with his muscle tone issues.

Then there is the slides... they especially likes the curly one...

There are even great swings!!

Kaedyn would find little places to sit ...

 

And there are these interesting musical areas too....  

The park is so neat and there are tons of things to do.  Noah was running around so much I only got a couple pictures of him...

When we left, Nathan broke into tears and kept pointing to the park.  He didn't want to leave...  None of the kids did but ... I promised, we'd go back soon :) I was sad to see the graffiti though and the swear words in permanent marker :(  But it was great to be able to go back, and share with the little ones who obviously enjoyed it tremendously ..