Um..... Yep....

Losing My Mind .....

Tonight ...... DB and I were going in the grocery store.   I made a comment .... went something like this.......

"Just think about it.  9 years ago, you met this super intelligent girl and now I'm just a bag of mush brain."

He says....

"Yeah, you get any dumber and it's grounds for divorce."

I smacked him so hard... lol...  

He was joking... he was, I think? Right?  Yeah - he was joking.

But I feel awful.  We were both (all) hoping that the change of environment (moving) would help me.  But it hasn't.

I don't think I've gotten worse, but I haven't gotten better.

The pain is unbelievable...  the insomnia is crazy, and when I'm not awake all night, I'm falling asleep where ever I may be.  I can't drive.  And my mind is crap.  I have a really hard time remembering things, even some simple things...  I am constantly questioning things, did I do that already?  did this get done?  I can say something and not remember it.

It hurts so bad to move, that I literally can't sometimes.  It takes a lot of willpower to get up the get up and go to move my body through the house to the bathroom.  The thought of leaving the house, sometimes, makes me want to curl into a ball and cry.  I can't really move four toes on my left foot, I can move the big toe.  The others, well, it takes a lot to get them to curl.  It's getting to the point where I almost feel like I need a cane or something, the walls have become a good friend.  Really supportive (snickers) ....

The ninjas that live in my body, they multiply.  I give them eviction notices - but they don't listen.  Random stabbing, burning, poking, prodding....

It gets to the point where I thought ....

I get burned by random pokers so much, where I just have to sit there and take it.  Like - it legit feels like someone takes  red hot fire poker and pokes me, and I just sit there.  Depending on the intensity, I might scream -or cry .... but I have to just deal.   I wonder if I got jabbed with a real fire poker, if I'd just be so used to it that I'd sit there and think - no different than any other day of my life.

I haven't given up.

Just every now and then, need to shout how much THIS SUCKS!

20 Years of Motherhood.

Once upon a time.... there was young girl, with a ginormous belly ... Then one day, 20 years ago, her belly BURST open and out came this wiggly slimy screaming unhappy baby boy.

The first year ....  I memorized him.   Everything was about him.  Everything....  

But seriously - do I look like the I could have a 20 year old child?  

Wait ..... don't answer that.....

He's grown up ....

And we have celebrated many years as a family, with changes and additions.. but always love..

Of course there was cake....

He wanted Tacos for dinner...

His girl was with us ....

And they have been together just about 5 years now!

By the time I was 20, I was a mom.  I was married and my whole focus was my family.  I wouldn't change it for the world, but I also want my kids to enjoy their lives, and live a little :)   love you Calahan....  I just want you to be happy and all your dreams to come true!

Last few days of Cookie 2015

I have to say, I'm a bit :: cough cough :: proud of a couple of these.  Now I'm not one of those mom's that do these elaborate Pinterest shenanigans planned out for every day.  Most days it's "OMG the elf didn't move .."  Some of the mornings - I would bust out of bed and go grab the elf and hide it behind my back, hope the child awake did not 1: see the elf hadn't moved, 2: see me grab him.  Oye.  But I only missed moving him one day (and I had asked one of thy older male child things to move it - and they didn't) ...  And even though we weren't making parachutes or building him wings ...  we came up with a few things that I think were pretty cool, like the feeding tube one, the blocks... yeah.   And if any of my other children read this, please understand that was all a lie.  I don't move Cookie at all.  It's all Elf Magic ...  I just, ya know.. help a little.  Give him ideas.

He made up for not moving the day before - him and Santa had some fun ...

Riding a horsey ....

Hanging out in a big huge gift bag....

Kids got some Star Wars suckers....

This was Cookie on Christmas Eve, he leaves on Christmas Morning when Santa comes to drop off gifts ....    

Merry Christmas : Gifts .. part 4

Each of the three younger boys got these guys....  I separated and put all the guys in a tin for each boy.... they each got 9 little guys and two launchers and an arena each ...

They got this puzzle from Alana

Most of Noah's haul ...

Most of Kaedyn's haul...

Most of Nathan's haul....

Each boy got one of these sets ....

Nathan got the big Lego one, Noah and Kaedyn got one of the small ones, and Nate got the dinos ... the game is for the family ....

Kaedyn got the Turtles watch, Noah got the Star Wars one...  Noah got the Ninjago Lego thing, and the Toothless, and Kaedyn got the Hot Wheels tracks...

Noah and his Star Wars guy

Kaedyn and his HULK SMASH

Kaedyn and one of his little Tuber guys ....

Noah was so excited about getting this - it's his FAVORITE game, Kaedyn lost most of the pieces.  We also got Harry Potter Uno ...

Noah and his Toothless figure we found at Goodwill .... got batteries in it and we were all surprised...

Boys got new stuffies....

Kaedyn and his Hot Wheel thing...

Nathan and Kaedyn both got Zoomer Dino Jesters from Santa

Noah got a Ninjago Lego Set... from Santa ... 

 All the boys got new PJ's or Christmas from Nana & Papa ...  Nathan and Kaedyn got new toothbrushes ... Noah got his first shaving set....  

Cal and Kale both got new calenders  ....  Cal got this one, Kale got a Jungle one with elephants.... 

Cal got this little Wallet, Tie, USB gift set...

He got this mug from Alana ...

We gave Alana a wolf decal for the back of her laptop ...

Cal and his new whale...

 WOW figures .....  Cal got a Night Elf (worth about $20 we found out)

Cal got a new mouse and keyboard from Santa ...

It lights up different colors, both of them do ....

Elly got some cool stuff ....  she has more, she hasn't unwrapped yet.. LOL...

She got this stuff on Christmas from Kale's Grandparents and Uncle...

Ashley gave Elly some stuff, including her crib toy ....

Of course her quilt made by Nana & Papa ...

WOW figures .....  Kale got a Dwarf and Orc (both worth about $250 each we found out)

He got a WHOLE BUNCH of WOW books from his Grandparents ..... some of these he bought himself, but most of the are from his Grandparents (I think he had 3 of these books)

His sister made him this ....

"Walk with me daddy"

Walk alongside me, daddy
and hold my little hand.
I have so many things to learn
that I don't yet understand.

Teach me things to keep me safe
from dangers every day.
Show me how to do my best
at home, at school, at play.

Every child needs a gentle hand
to guide them as they grow.
So walk alongside me, daddy -
We have a long way to go.

 Author: Helen Bush

DB got this Demon guy from WOW ....  he also got a human (male) mage - his ended up being worth 250 and 300 ...  I don't have a picture of the human .. lol...

He got  belt and PJ's from Nana and Papa ....

The boys got us this picnic cooler ... has plates and all sorts of stuff...  sad that the first thought in my head was "this will work great at the hospital!" ....

My new PJ's from my Mom ...

I got some bath fizzies ...

I got a couple of little candles and some wall hangings!   Love them!!

Pretty good Christmas :)   Very thankful and blessed!!