Welcome ICLW'ers :)

Hello and welcome to all ICLW'ers, newbies, or what not.  I figured I should put up a HELLO and a big THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!  This is my 2nd month on the ICLW link, and last month was very heartwarming for me, it brought back so many feelings that I had managed to bury for awhile. 

I am Annissa, I'm in my 30's and I'm married to Dennis.  We have a blended family.  I had two boys with in my first marriage (my older 2) and he had a little girl in a previous relationship... we added two more little boys of our own to the family.  Our kids are not treated any differently then the others, they are ALL our children together, loved equally and the same.  That's important to us, that they don't feel as if they are treated any different - and they don't. 

I struggled through infertility for most of my TTC years.  The short story version of it is that after getting pregnant with my oldest son, I miscarried - his twin - found out a month later I was still pregnant.  Started TTC shortly after he was born and 5 years later I was still fighting.  I'd had 4 additional miscarriages, and finally met a DR who listened to me (still see him to this day) ... and he started me on Clomid.  My first cycle of Clomid was 50mg and I didn't Ovulate.  My 2nd was 100mg and I did O but didn't conceive.  But the 3rd cycle I did conceive and after almost 6 years of struggling through secondary infertility, 5 miscarriages to that point, and a lot of heartbreak, my womb wasn't empty anymore.  We found out that Noah had a very rare genetic disorder while I was pregnant, and I was told he wouldn't live.  Well he did.  My ex and I TTC a 3rd child for a couple years after Noah - only haphazardly but I ended up having 5 more miscarriages in those couple of years.  Other then my first miscarriage, which was traumatizing, two of those miscarriages will always stick with me harder then the rest.  After bringing Noah home from the NICU, I apparently got pregnant.  Didn't know it until I was 10 weeks along.  Here I had this baby who wasn't even newborn weight yet .. and I was pregnant again?  At first I was crushed and for the first time in my life I didn't WANT to be pregnant, the guilt from that kills me still to this day, but it took about a half of a day for me to get excited about it.  We went in for an ultrasound, found out there was no heartbeat.  I was 11 to 12 weeks along when I miscarried the baby.  I managed to miscarry naturally (literally, contractions and pushing, though it was nothing compared to labor) ...  it was heartbreaking.  The other miscarriage would be the one I had on Clomid.  We had decided as a last stitch effort to try Clomid again and I got pregnant on my first cycle.  I found out New Years Eve that I was pregnant - so excited... and then...  I miscarried.  I had pee'd on a digital stick to get a picture for scrapbooking and it was negative.  After 5 HPT's all positive, and blood test to confirm... now all of a sudden, it wasn't coming up?  I tore apart that stick and it was stark white.  Then the spotting started...I went in for an hCG ... got news it was zero...    it was shortly after that miscarriage that my ex husband and I unraveled in big ways.  In 2005 we split up.  I started dating again in 2006 - had a m/c with an ex boyfriend ...  and then 1 with Dennis before we surprisingly got pregnant with Nathan on our own.  We weren't going to try to TTC until September, and on August 30th 2006 I found out I was pregnant.   After Nathan was born we decided to go ahead and try one more time, our last baby ...  went on Clomid for him and got pregnant the first month.  Countless charts, 13 miscarriages, 4 live births - two premature and both with major health issues.... I have been blessed with my 4 boys.... so blessed....

Other then being a Mom....I am a writer and I enjoy photography....but right now, mostly I am trying to take care of these boys...

You can learn more fun facts about me here .....Annissa's ABC's ....learn more about my Infertility Journey.... and read more about my boys and what they are going through by visiting their medical blog at My Unique Flowers....

I survived SURGERY...

So I survived my surgery.  Yeah I know ... you didn't even know I was having surgery?   I discovered I had a major hernia a few months ago, had been in a few times for it and just had my surgery Friday.  So now I'm in a lot of pain, I have 8 cuts in my belly, and I can't lift over 10 lbs for 6 weeks (that includes my 17 lb 2 year old and my 23 lb 1 year old!) ...  yeah...  good times ahead good times.

Last week has been crazy...   it didn't START with my surgery... oh, no... no it couldn't just be that simple.  First Dennis sprained his ankle... and when I say that, I mean all of a sudden for no reason he couldn't walk on it.  He went into urgent care and was told it was sprained.  He ended up going into the hospital again later that night because his toes were numb, his foot was numb,  and it was still swelling up.  So they ended up running 3 MRI's on him, a CT scan, a ton of other tests, they kept him in over night  for observation ...   right now, it's like his foot is asleep - so he has to be very careful on it right now.

Then on Wednesday, Nathan has his first Autism Evaluation Clinical... and Noah had an appt with his kidney Doc.  So we went and did all that - I was more concerned with Nathan's autism appointment then I was with Noah's.

If you don't know the history.  Over 2 years ago, the week I had Nathan, Noah had gone into kidney failure.  He was spilling out so much blood in his urine, it was a very dark color, I remember going for a movie for Noah out by the nurses station and one of them said "what is that?" ... Noah's nurse had come back with his urine sample.  Someone else says "It looks like apricot preserves" ...   I thought I was going to lose him.  I really did.  Because of his disorder, it's a fear I am constantly living with, and when he gets sick, it becomes such a reality.   Luckily he got through it, and then his kidneys healed up pretty well.   However...  now he's spilling out blood in his urine again and there is something seriously wrong.  We also discovered his left leg is longer then his right leg but almost an inch.   If you want to read more about the appointment for Nathan, and Noah's issues going on right now, there is a detailed entry in the medical blog ... My Unique Flowers

I am really concerned with Noah though, I'm scared.  He's got a bunch of tests coming up, which are probably going to lead to a kidney biopsy.   I spent a lot of time, waiting at the hospital for my surgery, crying and worrying about all that.  It's all that was on my mind.  

My girlfriend C stopped by with her boys yesterday.  My (our) 15 year highschool reunion was last night and I wasn't able to go due to my surgery so they stopped by.  She kept saying that Nathan is so much tinier in person then he even looks in photos.  He is EXTREMELY tiny.  She brought me bouquet of beautiful flowers :)  Thanks C & Family!!  That was beyond sweet.  I still have to take a picture and I'll post it.

Another thing that is going on right now is with Kaedyn.  He's getting SO BIG  :(    Nathan had a re-check from him being super sick, and Kaedyn had his 1 year check up.  (oh I still have to post birthday photos!! OH MY!) ...  anyway...he got his shots, one of which was the chicken pox, and he broke out from it.  He got the chicken pox.  It wasn't bad but I was shocked.  Also, Kaedyn went from having a nice quite heart, to having a LOUD heart murmur.. now this in it'self may not be concerning however Kaedyn sleeps A LOT.  A LOT ...  he gets tired VERY easily.   So Tuesday he has to go through (up to) 4 hours of cardiac tests...  the same day Noah has to see the orthopedic surgeon about his legs.   And then on Wednesday we have to go back (these appointments are all at the clinic 2 hours away) ... for an appointment with Nathan where they have to find his missing testicle, they are worried about it turning into a tumor, and to discuss his surgery (Nathan's) ...

There is a LOT going on.  

I will return

Busy doesn't even describe me right now...  Tomorrow is Nathan's all day autism evaluation and then Thrusday my mom is coming, Friday I have surgery and then Tuesday next week is Kaedyn's 4 hour cardiology appointment and Wednesday is Nathan's appt with Urology to discuss surgery.  It's a LONG story...... all of it.  I will hopefully be able to update on Kaedyn's first birthday and all of this over the weekend.  Please keep us in your prayers if you pray, in your thoughts if you don't.  Thanks.

MIA and other stuff... including a Hot Topic

So... Michelle Dugger is pregnant again, with baby #19.  There is a new article up on Parent Dish where she is talking about her morning sickness and how her and Anna (her Daughter-In-Law).  Her first Grandchild will be born before her youngest child is.   I have somewhat conflicting opinions on this.  One one hand I can't help but thing, ENOUGH ALREADY ...  but then another part of me knows that being uber-fertile and waiting healthy womb, I probably wouldn't be done.  I wanted a dozen kids (Baker's Dozen actually) but it's not in the cards for me.  I know that having a large family (even at 6, mine is considered "large") ..  first thing you teach your kids is responsibility and how important it is for them to look after the younger kids.  Anyway - a big part of me (the part not screaming ENOUGH ALREADY) admires them.   I miss my huge family I grew up in.  I'm so use to people going in and out and whatever, having huge family dinners, it's the type of family I always wanted and hope I'll have with the boys.  I hope we don't live on different sides of the country, that we can easily see each other.  Anyway .... enough of that. 

I have been out of sorts this week.  Our first week really homeschooling everyday and getting stuff done.  In addition to that, I found out a few days ago that I will be having surgery in a few weeks.  (September 18th)  Now I'm scared :(   See, I have a HUGE hernia.   I discovered it when I was doing sit-ups one day and ignored it for a long time (being afraid it was a tumor) ...  eventually I went in for it.  Then ended up in the ER one night cuz it was hurting.  Then to my general DR, and then (this week) to the surgeon.   After talking and then examining me, I was told it was a very large hernia, due to my multiple c-sections... thanks kids! ... and that I did need surgery...  and infact, he wanted to do it soon.  So I'm thinking a month or so, and she comes in and says "September 18th" ...  ah... what??   September 16th is Nathan's Autism Clinic.  September 19th is my 15 year High School Reunion.  NICE... real nice.   So now, being told I will have a limit of "UNDER 10 LBS" that I can pick up after the surgery for several weeks, I can't even pick up Nathan!  He's a featherweight!    So I was originally told it would be an outpatient surgery at the clinic surgery center, and 4 weeks of weight restriction ... and now it's been changed to the hospital and a longer time of weight restrictions.  The DR feels it's so large that he may not be able to do the lapro surgery, though he's going to try, and that he wants me at the hospital because it's going to be more evasive then normal regardless of  it being lapro or if they have to cut me fully open.  Not only that but it's a "30 hour Outpatient" which means I may be kept overnight depending on how things go.  GAG ...  I don't wanna - don't make me.   I'm scared.

Anyway ...  Noah and I have been working on his reading and he can sound out a word PERFECTLY but has trouble putting those sounds together into a word.   We're working on it right now though.  

Calahan has put up his blogs about his trip to South Dakota!!!   Please check them out and leave him a note!!  There are 4 entries about his trip, each entry covers a day.     WOLF OF THE SEA