In the last week and a half, so much has happened.
I have been
holding a couple of secrets for over a month - and I wanted to burst from the
seams to scream it - from excitement - but I couldn't.
For several
reasons... 1: It was supposed to be a big huge surprise for my Mom...
and 2: My Mom was having her own surprise she didn't want blasted on FB
for her own reasons....
So ...... Surprise
#1 .... and #2
So my Mom messaged me one day, a little over a month ago – I think
– I don’t remember EXACTLY when… but …
my mom messages me and says “I have a date for you to put in your calendar” and
I’m thinking … okay, what kind of doctor’s appointment do I need to know about
for her… or Russ even.
Russ – if you haven’t heard me talk about him before, is my
Step-Dad. He’s been my step-dad in every
sense of the word for YEARS. Prior to Noah, years. (so over 14).
My Mom and Russ met online in 1998.
He had flown her out to Hawaii – it was (I think) the first time they
met, the trip to Hawaii. In early 1999 (January
I think) she moved from our home town (as we were both born and raised there)
of Eau Claire, Wisconsin to Bremerton, Washington. I remember she had been in Wisconsin for
Calahan’s horrible Leukemia scare in the fall of 1998 (he was two and a half) …
but I remember, when Grandma died (her mother) in March of 1999 – she had to
fly home to be with Grandma, and she was there the last week of her life.
Regardless, my mom was never one to date around. She tells me that when I was about 3 years
old, we lived with a man she was dating – a cop, I think she had said. I have no memory of it. By the time I was 5, though, we were living
with my Grandparents again. I remember
my Mom had a boyfriend – Joey O. – he was a nice man, never married before,
lived with his Mom and took care of her (he never did marry or anything.) I would get so mad when they went out on
dates, I wanted to go with. Time with my
Mom was so precious and I wanted to go out with my Mom too! Joey would
sometimes give me money to get me to shut up… and as a little kid, it
worked. That went on for years. The next man my Mom was with – was Rick. She moved out with him, and I did for a time
too. However, Rick and I did not get along. I was treated, by him, as the bratty child he
HAD to deal with because he was with my Mom, while he doted on his three
boys. I didn’t like him, and he didn’t
like me. He was an alcoholic and he
abused my Mom. I remember one day he left for work, and my mom work me up and
she told me to pack up what I needed as quick as I could, because we were
leaving. And we did. I remember almost getting into a car accident
on the way to my Grandma’s because there was a bee in the car. My Mom went back to him though, she was back
and forth with him a lot for MANY years.
I know she was with him when I was 12 (probably prior to that) and I
think she was with him until just before she met Russ because she was with him
when I got married (the first time) in 1995.
During that wedding, it had been raining that morning and the venue had
already set out all the chairs. Rick had
gone in to ask for a towel and was told to “use his suit” … but I remember he
was great that day. And at one point my
mom had told me he apologized for always accusing me of not doing the dishes
right – because one of his boys had been doing dishes (I wasn’t there anymore)
and the same stuff he hated about when I did them, was happening. So he had apologized for all those times he
had yelled at me.
It is very hard to remember Rick with much fondness though. Between the alcoholism, the abuse to my mom …
(some other stuff I won’t mention) … I
had a few moments – where I was very sorry our relationship never really hit a
level where we could be in a good space.
The first Christmas – here in Washington – we got news from home, one of
my friends messaged me – Rick’s house had burned down on Christmas Eve (2010) …
it was shocking. And then the day before
my birthday, in 2013, he died.
Accidental drowning.
I had called Rick my Step-Dad though, and his boys my
step-brothers. So it was natural after a
few years of Mom dating Russ that I started to call him my Step-Dad too.
My mom had never married, all her life. But she wanted to. She really wanted to find that person who was
HER person. But it never seemed to
happen. She was with very long term relationships. She’s always been very loyal. But Russ has definitely been the longest
relationship she’s ever been in and I feel like she wouldn’t be with anyone
else after him, just because I really think – Russ – is that person for
her.
My Mom has always dreamed of a big wedding – for years. She wanted to be a wedding planner for a
while – just so she could plan weddings.
So I said all that – so I could say this.
My Mom told me – Russ and I are getting married! Instant excitement!! I was like – WOW – Mom is going to finally do
it! They are finally gonna get
married!! And I asked her the date.
September 3rd …. She said.
I was like “is that this year?”
She replies, “yeah.”
Wow … that’s quick! Then
she told me not to post anything on FB about it because they (her and Russ)
didn’t want Russ’ son catching wind of it prior to the event. Russ’ son and my Mom do not get along. He – a few years ago – ranted about her on FB
calling her every name in the book, saying she was just using his Dad and various
other stuff. Called her a gold digger,
which I think hurt her the most.
Russ has been there for his son – for everything. He had gastric bypass a few years ago, Russ
traveled to him to help take care of him.
He had surgery on his knee, I think it was, and Russ traveled to him –
to help take care of him. Russ got hurt this
year, threw out his back so bad he couldn’t get up off the floor, and where was
his son? It was me and Dennis (mostly
Dennis cuz he’s stronger than I am) who was taking care of Russ with Mom. It just makes me mad :( …
Since that rant … my Mom hasn’t been invited to anything by Russ’
son and I’m not sure she would go if she were.
He disapproved of Mom & Russ together – even though they have been
together for 18 years… (which I think is longer than his parents Russ and his
ex wife, if not longer, close to) were together. I could be wrong on that. But she was a Navy wife and he was often deployed.
Anyway – that is why it couldn’t be blasted on FB.
I immediately told my sister.
Which you might be saying – hey, I thought you were an only
child! Which… I am. I am my Mother’s only child. (My Dad, I have two older half-sisters, one
younger half-brother, and a younger half-sister. I don’t have relationships
with any of them. Even though I’ve tried.) However, my mom’s best friend from
(I think before) high school – Donna – died last year. Her daughter – Heather – is almost exactly a
year younger than I am. Her birthday is
June 22, 1977, mine is June 25, 1976. My
Mom SWORE I was a boy while she was pregnant with me, until the moment the
doctor said “it’s a girl!” … and both
Donna and my Mom were single Mom’s. They
had their babies out of wedlock.
Although, I don’t think it was as frowned upon to be single, unmarried,
and pregnant in the mid-1970’s … I don’t think it was exactly … easy. I do know that my Mom had the support and
love of my Grandparents, who were VERY excited to become grandparents. I don’t think abortion or adoption was even
an option in their eyes, or my Mom’s. I’m
sure my Mom probably thought about it, I don’t know – I never asked. Maybe I’m not sure I want those answers. It’s hard enough knowing my Dad tried to talk
my Mom into do either of those choices.
After all, by the time my Mom got pregnant (late 1975)… abortions had
only been legal for almost 3 years. I
was just an “oops” that happened between my Dad’s marriages. The daughter born out of wedlock and the only
child of my Father’s that was completely denied by his parents. His folks were Irish Catholic and I was just
a stain on the family. After my
Grandfather died (his Dad) .. my Grandmother (his Mom) started to reach out to
me, wanting a relationship, and I was very very grateful for it. I loved her greatly.
Regardless, just a few months after I was born, my Mom’s best
friend, Donna – was going through the same stuff she had. Which I think made them closer … and Heather
was born. Heather and I grew up
together. We’d be together a lot and
when they moved away, they were up every summer and Heather and I were truly
best friends from birth. We were as
close to sisters, as we’d ever get.
So when Donna died, my mom got on a red-eye and went to
Heather. She told Heather then, I’m your
Mom now, that’s how your Mom would have wanted it. So now she’s my sister – even though she
kinda already was.
Oh and not just my sister, my Irish Twin Sister – cuz we are less
than a year apart in age. LOL.
So …….. Mom tells me that she’s getting married, and I am
immediately messaging Heather telling her …
she immediately says, “I’m going to try to get there for the wedding.” So I’ve been keeping her updated, and she’s
been trying her hardest to make it.
The day she told me that she was for sure coming – Mom and I had
been talking about who she has told – and I said “Have you told Heather?” and
she told me no. So I was like “JEEZUS MOM
SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOU HAVEN’T TOLD HER?” ha ha ha ha ha ha – of course,
Heather knew… but I’m sending Heather screen shots of his conversation with my
Mom – and we are both just laughing like crazy.
So Mom messages her and says by the way I’m getting married, and Heather
gave her some rather low excitement response.
LOL … and she was like “I wish I could make it! Mom (Donna) and I will be there in spirit.” … LOL…
meanwhile, Heather and I both knew she was coming!
So …. The plan was, she was going to be here from September 1st
to September 6th. We
basically had 4 ½ days to show her a ton of stuff in Washington… and while she was here, it was my goal to get
her hooked so she would want to move here.
(which I succeeded at!)
Okay – so September 1st – DB and I travel to Seattle to
pick her up from the airport, and we do a lot of the Seattle tourist things –
well as much as we could. We went to
Pikes Place Market, took her to the original Starbucks, took her to Hard Rock Café
for lunch… took her to the Space Needle, and to the Freemont Troll… we were
going to take a ferry home so she could get a ferry ride in – but we missed the
ferry by about 15 minutes. So we drove
around (which was kinda better) … and she got to cross the Tacoma Narrows and
after we crossed the bridge, Sturdy Gertie .. I showed her the video of Galloping
Gertie .. and she was like, I am so glad I didn’t see that before we went
over. Ha ha ha …
We stopped at home, and dropped stuff off. We had pizza and then when Mom got home from
work, the three of us (DB, Heather & I) went over there… and I got inside,
Mom was standing by the stairs… and I said “Hey Mom, close your eyes.” She’s like why? I said “Just do it” so she did.. but then she
started fiddling with the lights in the other room or something – I just rolled
my eyes – LOL … anyway – she turned
back, and I motioned for Heather to come closer to me, told mom to open her
eyes, and she looked at Heather … and she literally STARRED at Heather for a
good 20-30 seconds and then it registered I think … she goes “Oh my gosh did you come here to surprise
me for my wedding?” and she came to
Heather and just hugged her.
Yeah – it was a good surprise.
Mom immediately tried to get Heather to stay with her – LOL – but Heather
wanted to spend as much time as she could with all her nephews. So she stayed here at our place with all my
crazy kids …
It was an AMAZING visit and I’ll talk about that more over the
next couple of days. It was amazing and
it was very very hard.
With my heart, and my Fibro/CFS … it wore me out – but I’m proud
of myself for continuing to get up every day and go with and try to really make
everything she wanted to do – happen!
Her list was:
1: Space Needle
2: Starbucks
3: Pikes Place
4: Hard Rock Café
5: Mount Saint Helens
6: Forks
7: the Zoo
The only one we didn’t get, was the Zoo. Everything else happened – YAY!
This was my list…
So I managed most of the stuff on my list too…
GO ME!
Heather ended up standing up as my Mom's witness (Bridesmaid) because the one she asked to do it, ended up sleeping in and didn't make it. I had said "Geez Mom, thanks for thinking of me..." LOL ... and she said I was there to take pictures. I see that Heather is already the "favorite" child....
The whole family ... Mom, Russ, Heather, DB & I - all the boys & Shila with Elly ... Ashley with her family (Zach, Alycia & Harley Quinn) ... (we're missing Clariah and Autumn - Ashley & Zach's oldest, and Jeremy - Heather's husband) ...
But by Saturday night …. I was trying to talk her out of stuff,
because I was just THAT TIRED…… I’m glad she made me do it though. I have been wanting to go to Forks since
before we moved here, and there was a lot of stuff that either me or DB hadn’t
done that we’ve both wanted to do … so I’m really happy it happened…
Sunday we went to Forks....
We literally did this ...... we were gone from 9 AM to 10:30 PM ...
We saw Crescent Lake ... which was AMAZING...
And we went to the Ocean ... (Ocean Shores)
She’s going to come back for her 40th birthday – we’re
going to celebrate our birthday’s together for the first time in YEARS …… and
it’s going to be amazing. We’re already
making a list! LOL…
Anyway - I was just getting
very very worn out by Saturday night.
Monday, we went to Mount Saint Helens and I ended up sleeping in the car
the whole way there (from home to the gift shop we stopped at just before the
Visitors Center) and then almost all of the way home. I just couldn’t be awake.
Heather left on Tuesday morning, Mom picked her up at 8am… I woke
up about 15 minutes later, saw her gone, and just went back to bed. Wednesday afternoon, I had to go do some
tests for my heart.
I ended up throwing some PVCs during the ultrasound …
Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) are extra, abnormal heartbeats that begin in one of your heart's two lower pumping chambers (ventricles). These extra beats disrupt your regular heart rhythm, sometimes causing you to feel a flip-flop or skipped beat in your chest.
This is what a normal heart rate trace looks like ...
This is what mine looked like when I was throwing the PVCs ... (the down ones - roughly)
And my resting heart rate is 120 – and it has been – since about
June – when my “Silent Heart Attack” was discovered. I can pin-point the night I think it happened
too. I think it happened in late
March. DB was stressing out about
homework that night and my heart was literally trying to pound out of my chest.
I was having hard palpitations and it was really freaking me out. I even broke out the stethoscope and tried to
get him to listen to my heart – but he snapped at me, cuz he was trying to get
school work done, and I got upset and just went to bed. I remember thinking, I’ll go into the doctors
if I’m still like this in the morning or wake up during the night … and I went
to sleep. I could have never woken
up. I realize that now. I honestly just thought it was a horrible
anxiety attack. Now, reading about
Silent Heart Attacks, I know that’s what most people think are happening. I woke up the next morning, my chest was achy
and I was still having palpitations but my heart had calmed down. So I didn’t
go in.
So anyway – my resting heart rate is 120… so she had hooked the probes up to me, and
she made some comment about me being tachycardic.
Tachycardia refers to an abnormally fast resting heart rate - usually at least 100 beats per minute. The threshold of a normal heart rate (pulse) is generally based on the person's age. Tachycardia can be dangerous; depending on how hard the heart has to work.
She told me the target heart rate they wanted
to get to was 153. She had me stand up
and I immediately started to have a panic attack, er, some anxiety … treadmills are NOT my friend and so I was
nervous. Well as I’m standing on the
treadmill, before she even started it up – I watched my heart rate go up to 140
– and made some joke about how if she gave me a few more minutes to panic, I
could get up to 153 without even starting the treadmill. She said “We’ll just have you do 3 jumping
jacks” … But we started it, and my heart
rate went down as I was getting comfortable on it… it went back down to about
123 … and then started going up again.
Got to phase two, and I hit the target rate – and I kept going until 160
when it started to get hard to catch my breath – so I had her stop it. She said anything over 153 was a bonus.
Oh and my blood pressure … was kinda scary. So yeah ……. I really need to learn to be Zen….
So yeah .. and then I came
home with a EKG harness (probes recording my heartrate for 24 hours) … I’ve
worn them before – twice actually.
And then yesterday was Bubba’s birthday – and I did not do well
yesterday.
Got up and got the boys ready for school, got them loaded up and
stopped at the grocery store to let Kaedyn pick out a "treat" for
school for his birthday ... he got a huge bag of candy. Took the boys to
school, walked them in. Dropped Nate off
at the Inclusion room and warned them he was melting down all morning (he
didn't want to get dressed, kept telling us it was his day off) ... took Kaedyn
to his classroom, Told the sub that he had treats in his backpack for his
birthday ... we left the school and had
breakfast, by the time we were done I had the inner trembles... I was shakey
and just feeling weird. So I told DB he
better drive and I ended up passing out/falling asleep off and on the rest of
the mornings errands run. I didn't go in
at all - anywhere - it was that bad. I
just stayed in the van. I couldn't stay awake.
This isn't normal for me. Got
home - got in bed - slept... off and on ... I wasn't even awake when it came
time to singing and blowing out the candles for Kaedyn...
So I feel bad … but Kaedyn
got tons of hugs from me when I was awake, I kept singing to him and telling
him happy birthday. I made a big deal
when I could. He says he had a good
day.
Daddy picked out his cake, but I got to show it to him – and he
got in eye sight – and his mouth dropped open in awe… and he gets a little
closer … and he goes “Oh my gosh I loooove it!”
LOL… yep. Daddy did a good job.
SO – yeah – I’ll catch up on all that stuff in the next few
days.
Share photos … so stay
tuned.
