From NOT to REALLY Pregnant in 2.2 Seconds!

One of my favorite things to throw up as FB statuses is the weird things DB says in his sleep.  Or Kaedyn.  They both say the most amazing things in their sleep.

(In his sleep) DB: grumble grumble mumble pay for grumble mumble
Me: pay for what?
DB: grumblemumblegrmblestutterestripsoverhiswords grandfathered in the contract mumblegrumble stop paying for their services mumblemumble
*falls into the deep music of his people.... snores*

Clearly he's talking about Comcast

(No I don't actually have any idea)

Soooooooooo ........ Eight confirmed deaths in Kitsap County ... all over the age of 60, seven of which got the flu vaccine. It's scary this year. Thankful Noah and Nathan haven't gotten it even though Dennis and I have. Holding out hope this continues.....for Noah and Nathan.... At this point, though - there are 114 confirmed deaths in Washington State .... It really scares me.

 I don't get the shot, I refuse. Every time I have, I get sick. (Yes I know it doesn't have the live virus and therefore "can't make you sick" but every time I get it, I get sick within 24 hours.) Dennis got the flu shot this year (only one in the family) and is the only one who got the flu really bad. He brought it home (he's in college) and he got it bad (still fighting it)! I got a milder form (which I am still fighting). I think Nathan has a touch of it and he is the one I am most worried about getting it because of of his fragile immune system. We have had 8 deaths in our county from the flu (all above age 60) and out of the 8.... 7 got the vaccine. The odds are not in anyone's favor. And when we went in the ER cuz my husband was in bad shape the nurse doing his administration vitals said *oh you don't have the flu (because he got the shot) because the vaccine has been doing a wonderful job this year protecting against it!"

Anyway ....

I saw this on Facebook videos ....  so I wrote the following ...

Having a label of any sort "mental illness" can instantly change someone's perception about that person. Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar... ADHD/ADD, ODD, Autism, OCD, PTSD.... the person doesn't change because of a label, so don't let it change your perception...

I know someone, multiple people, with each of that listed and more.... including 7 of them being my own children. It doesn't make me love them less.

Just realize there are beautiful people out there... who have strong messages.... maybe you should listen...

Thank you Neil Hilborn for sharing

I just enjoyed the poem ....  and I thought it was a very good message of acceptance and tolerance ...  My family has all of those that I have listed except the Bipolar which DB was misdiagnosed with in the military.  So yes ..  just wanted to share.


I managed to squeeze in one episode of Supernatural today ....   so I watched ....

6 "Skin"

Which was interesting .... Dean gets dead... not okay ...  

Been making it a point to get up, get dressed, etc and so on....  and do my hair.  So ...  today was a good hair day ... LOL ....

The boys are having a lazy day.  Nathan's not feeling real well.  He's complaining about his belly hurting a lot.

Kaedyn and I played this.  It's a game like "Guess Who" which we play a lot, but it's the Monsters INC version ....  

The things this child finds to do when he is bored.... 

He's like a sour patch kid.  First he's so naughty and then he breaks out one of these faces.... and I melt.  Dammit.... 

I ended up having a discussion with Kaedyn today about miscarriages and fertility drugs.   He said something about wanting me to have another baby, because he wants "another" baby girl.  He is missing Elly a lot now that they moved out - and they aren't real close by (couple hours away) ...  but we video chat a lot, it's not the same though.  Elly and Bubba have this undeniable and unmistakable bond.

So I was trying to explain to him how I am done having babies.  I mean, first, I am going on 41 and at one point in time I had said I wanted to be done having babies by the time I was 30.  I wanted to be a young Mom, young Grandma, I wanted to enjoy my kids and all of that...

And then I was met with fertility problems.  I got pregnant and had my first miscarriage at the age of 18.  I found out a few weeks later I was STILL pregnant and what I had experienced was the miscarriage of a twin.  Now, just a side note....  I got called a liar I don't know how many times by a group of people over my saying that I physically miscarriaged a twin, saying that couldn't be done and that twins are absorbed, etc and so on.  YES, they can be reabsorbed, however they can also (if they are fraternal twins) be physically miscarried like any other miscarriage also.  But I was a liar.  You can call me a liar all you want, but here is the thing - my story won't change because that's what happened.  (rolling eyes) ...

My pregnancy with Cal was rough, but after he was born, I knew I wanted to have another baby right away.  So ... we had immediately started to try for baby number two.  Five years later, four more miscarriages (besides Cal's twin)... and I finally got pregnant with Noah after starting fertility drugs.  Noah was born... I immediately had a miscarriage - almost making it into my second trimester - and found out I had a Dermoid Cyst.  Four more miscarriages.  (So at this point it's a total of ten in my first marriage) ... I had a miscarriage with my first boyfriend after my marriage.  And then I have had 5 miscarriages with DB.   So that's 16 miscarriages total.  I told Kaedyn the run down.  I said Cal was a twin, I lost his twin - and I had him, I had four more miscarriages. I went on fertility drugs and got pregnant with Noah, had five more miscarriages with Cal & Noah's biological dad.  I had a miscarriage with my ex boyfriend.  I had a miscarriage with Daddy, and we had Nathan, then had a miscarriage on our one year wedding anniversary and went back on the fertility drugs, and two weeks after the miscarriage I had gotten pregnant with Kaedyn.  Then three more miscarriages after Bubba was born.

I had to explain how a miscarriage is when a Mommy gets pregnant but the baby stops growing and dies, but you can pass the baby out of the body normally and not have to go into labor to have the baby.

I had to explain how fertility drugs are various types of drugs that help a Mommy get and stay pregnant when they have a very hard time either getting pregnant or staying pregnant.  I told him Mommy didn't have a problem getting pregnant but I did have a problem staying pregnant.  So I had to go on pills to help Mommy get pregnant with Noah and him ... and I had to go on drugs to stay pregnant with both Nathan and him.

Meanwhile in Livvy land.....  sitting in a box is cool.  Sitting in a box with game pieces is a million times better. 

Marshmellow and the dog got close again today.... the look on Mellow's face says it all.  

Go figure ... it looks like rain in Washington State.....   

Meanwhile in Livvy land.....  she really likes this box. 

Kaedyn is watching for Daddy ... lol...  

And then this happened.  He disappeared downstairs, comes up with some hot chocolate.  Disappears downstairs again and then ....... comes up with this.   I am just taking pictures.... as he does his thing.   I mean it made me laugh so much - it's typical kid stuff....  but ....  ROFLMBO ... he got in trouble.  Not a lot of trouble.  Just a little. 

And here he is CRYING (this is Bubba) ...  Kaedyn is crying because he snooped for the candy and found it so I took it away....so I told him we were going to do a video of him telling me how he didn't snoop and how he actually deserved candy for listening to what Momma said...... and he fell on the floor and started crying....

Do I look like I'm effected by his fits?  Nope.  Cuz I'm not.   It's amusing ....  I tell the kids all the time that if they hate me, I'm clearly doing my job right! 

It might not look it - but I cleaned off and re-arranged this whole thing, re-organized it ....  and Mr. Nathan...

Oh and by the way, I'm pregnant!!  YEP!  WIth a baby full of BLOAT.   With the Pancreatitis ...  this is what happens.  I get sick to my stomach (feeling it, not necessarily throwing up) and I bloat up and look several months pregnant.   Needless to say after some (okay I really wanted to cry) time... it went down and I felt better.  But either I get pain, nausea, or bloating after eating - or a combination of them... 

Another day of Jaxson not wanting to leave my side.  He's such a good doggy though.  I lubs him! 

DB thought it would be a GREAT night to make homemade (from scratch) Brownies.  Normally I'd be all for this... but tonight I am feeling exceptionally awful.  But he brought me up some, I ate it.  It was alright ... looked a lot better than it went down but I think that was more my not feeling well ... 

As if Jaxson being up my behind wasn't enough - once he was kicked out of the room for the night, Livvy crawled up by me and laid down on my lap.  She stayed there too, until Kaedyn snatched her.  

Kaedyn is in stage three cling tonight too.  I know they worry about me.  They worry about me more than I do. 

I honestly just want to catch up.  I'm 6 blogs behind at this point ... and it's just hard because I get sick, and I don't blog and I get behind - but I don't want to give up on my daily blogging.  So ...  I'm keeping at it.  But I want to publish them in order - so if the day before isn't finished when I finish today's blog, I don't publish today's blog.  

Watching Always & Forever about two people seeing each other again at their highschool reunion and reconnecting ....  They also end up working together.... 

Liv just laid like this .... kept right on laying there like that.... 

Anyway - so I watched LOVE LOCKS too ... 

Love Locks ...  the movement has been on my radar for years.   SO of course I had to watch the Hallmark Movie sharing the name which premiered tonight ... 

In the movie - part of the plot was how Paris was "cutting off the locks" on the famous bridge.  I guess there is (was) more than one location for a "Love Locks" bridge in Paris, and they had removed them all.  As I was looking for some photos (Google is my friend - since I've never BEEN to Paris) .. I found articles talking about how this is in fact a true.  Paris DID remove them.  Here is an ARTICLE about it.

I can kind of understand why the city of Paris did it.  BUT ... the locks weigh A LOT and were actually damaging the bridge.  The ironwork was bending and coming apart from the bridge because of the weight.  No one could see the water through the lovely ironwork either - considering it was completely blocked up with the locks.

On the other hand, every one of those locks represent a story.  Didn't matter if the couple made it for the "long haul" or if they broke up .... it was still their story.  I have always told DB that this is something I really really would love to do ... I would have to make sure that we got lots of photos of it, just in case the same fate was had to our lock.... but it's still something I would love to do for our anniversary sometime.  Part of the amazing draw to doing the lock on the bridge is if you make it ... coming back and seeing it, showing your kids, grandkids, generations down the road - where part of that story was.  It's like carving your initials into a tree, or putting your name in wet cement.

So really, it's like Paris is ripping a lot of stories away from a place they were.  You would think that the city would find SOME way to respect the locks, and the stories.

Here is a little snippet of the article above.  

Incase you missed the link above to the article...  here it is again .... >>>ARTICLE<<<

Other's have been making art ....

There are more than 10 Love Locks locations in the world.  (Article to the Top 10) I know there is MORE because there is at least one in Seattle.

Here is a photo I took September 3, 2016 when Heather and I had gone over to Seattle.

So my sleeping schedule today was pretty nuts.... 

I was up until after 4am...got up at 8:30 AM - and was up all day... I fell asleep at 8:30 (ish) PM woke up at 10:30 (ish) PM and haven't been able to go back to sleep.  Probably going to be another long night.

Just for fun, because I was talking about it with a friend.... How old do you think I am in each of these pictures... ** Well I don't think anyone is really going to guess - LOL - so I'll just say, the smaller two pictures I was 18 ... the larger one, age 40.

lolol .... It's a curse

I'm telling you - the whole DB getting asked if I'm his daughter, it happens more and more - it's funny (though it's not funny to him)

I literally laugh the whole timeand then we get home or in the van or whatever and he just grumbles about it

You know what DB said to me the other day

LOLOLOL

he said he was in class, scrolling through FB and he saw this pic of me in my tank top reading and he said in his head "Oooh boobies" and was grinning from ear to ear and someone asked him what he was smiling at and he said "A picture of my wife"  LOLOLOL

It's been four weeks since Jackson's gaining his wings  ....  and one month on the 31st in a few days.

Loss and Grief ...... take 2 ...

It has certainly been a time for loss and grief this week...er...month. 

In the last month - my Dad lost a family member (which would mean it is a family member of mine, that I never really met ....) ....   I lost my Mother-In-Law (just cuz you divorce her son, doesn't mean you divorce her - right ......  this isn't DB's Mom, this is my ex husband's mom and Grandmother to my older two boys.) .....  Several friends had early miscarriages .... one of my long time blogging friends made a hilarious announcement ... only to be followed with the announcement that she lost the baby.  They were all still in shock, I think....  but she's a WONDERFUL mother and I know they would have all totally embraced the baby.   My room-mate had a miscarriage.....  she didn't even realize she was pregnant .... and well, when you've had a miscarriage, you know when you are having another.  One of my best friends, I fully, totally, unequivocally believe she had another miscarriage......  and ... this will be a shock to my mom (I didn't want to tell her until we were sure and she's on vacation) if she reads this, but I suffered my 15th miscarriage.  Well, I didn't *suffer* it yet. 

June 6 - FMU

June 7 - FMU - fainter already

Got two positive tests, and then the blood tests were NOT GOOD ..... so in time it will come. They were two faint positives (along with a butt load of typical pregnancy symptoms for me) ... DB was super excited (nice change from the reaction he had with Kaed.) .... I was totally and royally freaked out and totally anxious. 

Em (our roommate) says ....... "You totally have PTSD from infertility" 

.... I said "I know RIGHT?"

DB begged me to get in ASAP to the DR to get my beta and get on my progesterone pills.  I just didn't want to.  I don't know what it was, but I felt like if I did.......

Anyway - so I went.  I was so anxious...  so afraid they were going to just think I'm nuts.  I'm not suppose to be going through this here.  I didn't dive into my infertility and history with my new DR we've had since moving here because .... I'm on birth control pills and DB got a vasectomy ...  sure it's a vasectomy that never got followed up on ...

Anyway ..... I went back and she took my blood pressure and it was 212/98 ..... HOLY CRAP!!  I've never seen the blood pressure machine explode in whistles before..... yep ... this is all from my anxiety about going in ..... anyway - they did a pee test, which was negative - and I knew it would be ... A: I had just peed an hour before, and B: I was still getting just faints at this point.    So then they run a beta ... and it's like ..... 9:30pm... so they ask if I will take it over to the hospital to get the test ran because they want it back A.S.A.P  ....  so I do ..... and then I go home and wait for a call.  They close at 11pm (I went into Urgent Care cuz I couldn't get in to see my DR until tomorrow - Monday) ....  and I'm waiting and waiting and at 10:50 the phone rings.  She tells me there was a mix-up.  GRRRRRRRREAT!  The hospital in S-dale got mixed up and sent it to B-town and B-town's machine is down.....  so they were sending it BACK to S-dale. ....  SERIOUSLY?   So I wouldn't get the results until the following morning.......

During the appointment my husband had with our DR on Friday ..... she tried to say it was a "false" positive .... you don't get TWO false positives ......  Then she tried to tell me if I had indeed truly been pregnant - "your hCG would still be at least 200 from 4 days ago and ..."  I was like.  Wow...... that right there tells me you know NOTHING about it ......at..... all.......... and if I were to ever "truly" get pregnant ...... she won't be taking care of me. 

I know that my levels can drastically drop - I use tests that test positive on very low amounts of hCG (like 25) .... and I've had doctor confirmed miscarriages where I've tested positive one day and ZERO the next ..... so I know it can drop drastically ...  

So....  we know the miscarriage is inevitable .... Daddy doesn't really want to believe it... my symptoms have decreased, the peeing every hour or more (literally) has slowed down .... 

And the night I got the test done, prior to us finding out the number ....  I saw a little boy in my doorway, he walked infront of my door....  dark hair, soulful eyes ... looked like Kaedyn .... only he was about 7 or 8 ....  and he looked at me, and disappeared.  

So the following day - DB says to me, "I wonder if that was him saying good-bye" ...  and I said "Maybe." ....   maybe.......

So ...... we named him Emrys.   He's #15.... 

Sooooooooo .............

The boys Grandma ........

I had a moment when I thought - seeing the two lines when she died .... I thought - maybe she was coming back to us.   I guess not....   

Jeannie G.

Jeannie G.

Posted: Thursday, June 7, 2012 12:00 am

Jeannie E. G*****, 59, of *****, Chippewa Falls, village of Lake Hallie died Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at the Chippewa Manor in Chippewa Falls.
She was born May 10, 1953 in Rice Lake, the daughter of Isedore and Mabel.

Jeannie graduated from Rice Lake High School in 1971. After high school, Jeannie moved to the Twin Cities and worked for several companies in the computer industries including Honeywell and Sperry Univac. When Cray Research opened a new plant in Rice Lake in 1982 Jeannie was one of the initial employees to start the operation. She transferred to Chippewa Falls when the Rice Lake plant was closed. She continued working in circuit board inspection with Cray then Johnson Matthey, Allied Signal, Honeywell and finally TTM all at the same location and recently was awarded for 30 years of service. It is likely few people have inspected and handled more high tech circuit boards than Jeannie.

Jeannie worked at TTM Technologies for years.

Jeannie had many passions in her life, including the genealogical history of her ancestors, quilting and her dog, Darby.

Jeannie is survived by her significant other, Jim  of Chippewa Falls; one son, Keith; her mother, Mabel and her husband, Ray of Rice Lake; four brothers,; two sisters; two grandchildren, Callahan and Noah both in Washington; nieces and nephews; and other relatives and friends.

She was preceded in death by her father, Isedore.

Funeral services will be held at 10:30 a.m. Saturday, June 9, at the Horan Funeral Home in Chippewa Falls. The Rev. Mark Pierce of Notre Dame Church will be officiating. Burial of cremains will be in St. Joseph's Cemetery in Rice Lake at a later date.

Friends may call from 4 to 7 p.m. Friday, June 8 and until the time of services Saturday at the funeral home.

So her visitation was Friday and services were Saturday - and apparently she was cremated ....  I had asked them to take as many pictures as possible - and I was told that the person I asked to - didn't - but the funeral home did and had some stuff to send us?  So I guess we'll see.   I just need the kids to have some sort of closure. 

Here are a few photos of her and the boys......

Grandma and Noah on his first birthday ~ 2003

My Ex, Great-Grandma, Grandma and Calahan when he was a baby - 1997 - 4 Generations

Grandma and Calahan when he was about 3 or 4

 These are the flowers that were sent from our family (My mom, and us)

It's been a rough weekend for Calahan but we've been keeping him busy, and Noah still doesn't grasp it 100% ......