Let me introduce you ... to... my psycho neighbor!

When we came to look at our beautiful new home, she showed up...  came over onto the porch to talk to the manager of the place (who happens to know us, our kids, and is good friends with my Mom) ...  she just butted into the conversation like we weren't even there.... when *CJ* (the manager) said that we'd probably be moving in, she said "oh you'll love it here, it's nice and quite and on the water" and I laughed and jokingly said ... "Not for long, I have 4 kids" .....

A little while later she was on her porch with *CJ* while we still checking out the place and I hear her say something about "If I get woken up in the morning, by any noises, I get really pissed and go crazy" ... I just kept walking and pretended like I didn't hear her.  I later found out before I had over heard THAT comment, she had said "I hate effin kids" .. only she said the real F* word...

She then proceeded to call the managers of the place and complain about kids moving in next door!

The ink wasn't even DRY on our application!!

Well, whatever...  she was suppose to be out on June 30th, I can deal with this craziness for a month, I hope! 

So we move in and they are gone for the entire week we were moving in.  They have stuff on the shelves in the garage that we have to PAY $50 a month extra to have use of.   We pay RENT on the shelves that she is using. Yes, it pisses me off, but ... seriously? ... it's not going to kill me or anyone in my family.  And apparently she was given "permission" to (in her words) ... use the entire back shelving unit, and the "top shelf" on the side unit.

There were a few things I moved in the garage.  I moved a door system behind the back garage door so it was out of our way... I moved a broom...  and I moved some rakes and such - yard equipment - that I figured was the managements, and the only thing that we touched that we knew was hers, was this blue baby pool.   We ended up piling the garage high with the stuff we had emptied the storage unit we had, until we found a place for it in the house.  There was a path through the garage, and you could get to her shelf, incase she needed to get to it.

I walk into the house the day after they return and I see this ...

I was PISSED ..... I mean FUMING PISSED.... so I wrote out an initial note and it was just bitchy to no end, "We pay rent on the garage, you don't... so excuse me if we are making use of the space we pay for!  We only moved your pool and didn't touch anything else of yours that we know of.   We are still in the process of moving in so get the eff over yourself..."

But being the nice .... peace maker ... person I am deep down, I wrote her another note ... (I thought she mis-spelled accessible on her note, which she did ... but I thought she spelled it "unassable" ... now I see she didn't do that... LOL... oh well, I was still pissed when I wrote this... 

Incase you can't read it ... it says "Dear Neighbor," cuz frankly, I still know know her name.  "We apologize for making your stuff un-accessible however, we left room to get to your shelves that you are storing items on.  The rake, shovel, and such we thought were the landlords, along with the other items on the shelf .. pruners and such.  The only then we knew was yours that we touched, was the pool.   The fact is, we have to pay extra money to be able to use the garage for storage or whatever and we are doing that, from our understanding, you aren't.  You also didn't seem to be home so we could not ask you what was and wasn't yours and what you needed access to.  Instead of leaving a rude note, you could have come over and said you were annoyed and we could have resolved it right away.  So if there is other things you need, please don't hesitate to come let me know."

Which honestly, I feel was a lot better then she deserved.

This NOTE battle went on for a few days....  she next left ...

"I left you two sentences!  I didn't leave you a long rude note so because we don't pay + you do, your stuff most important?  It was so blocked up I couldn't open the door!  I don't want drama with yall I just want to find a happy medium till we move out.  I apologize if I was in South Dakota for a week dealing with family issues so I couldn't say what was mine.  I was gone + you all had time"

1: I never said she left a "long" rude note... I just said she left a rude note, and she did...
2: it was NOT BLOCKED UP SO MUCH SHE COULDN'T OPEN THE DOOR... seriously!  We could open the door just fine, so maybe she's just incapable of opening a door!  But she could open it to LEAVE ME THE NOTE!! Amazing!!
3: She wants the drama cuz SHE IS CAUSING IT!
4: "You all had time" ... to move the stuff in!?!?  Yeah if we wanted to live amongst boxes....  and only boxes, and have stuff broken and what not!  Did she miss the memo that IT IS OUR AREA TO STORE STUFF IF WE WANT ...

Geez, I'm getting pissed all over again!

Then this note was on top or under it, don't remember which ...

So I left her this note...

I am totally being the bigger person here...... TOTALLY ........

So before she read the note, I was outside dealing with the garbage cans that first week....  trying to figure out which ones were ours and stuff....  taking trash out to the curb.  She comes out, so I said "Can you show me the stuff you are trying to get to, so that I can get it accessible to you" .... so we go in the garage ... and MAGICALLY it opens ...  wow!  Anyway - she tells me that the black suitcase that is on the upper side shelf is what she wants......

That's it....... an empty suitcase!  She's throwing this monster fit over an empty suitcase.

So I tell her that I'll get it for her (never said I would make that shelf accessible to her) ...  cuz nothing else on the shelf was hers.  So we had a discussion over what garbage cans were hers and she apologized saying she "just lost her grandma....  4 years ago" ...  yeah, that's exactly how she said it.   And how she had to go to South Dakota to spread her ashes like her grandma wanted and how it was like losing her all over again.  Well I can understand that.  So ya know, hugged it out and such.  Then she tells me how she's a crazy bitch and how she use to go party all the time and now she just keeps to herself... and she doesn't really have any friends anymore and whatever else she said.  Actually made me feel sorry for her, and also made me thing we *might* be able to get along......

So I got her suitcase down and put it on the garage floor under the shelves she was using ... there was a bag of potting soil down there, so I made sure to put it on the other side of the dirt.

Later on, we're going through our voice mail messages and she called ...  I didn't listen to the whole thing, after I heard the beginning ... "This is your neighbor, when I told you I needed access to the suitcase, I expected you to give me access to the shelf, not bring my suitcase down and put it in a bunch of dirt... " at that point, I just said the hell with it.  There is never going to be any pleasing her.

I later found out she had called up *CJ* and told her I was having a "Party in the garage" ...eh, scuze me?

Then this showed up in the garage .... 

Oooooooooh paper towel is going to stop me from moving her stuff......... it's the amazing paper towel force field......ooooooooooooooh skeeeeeeeeeeery....  (poke poke poke... I'm touching your stuff!!)

Seriously, rolled my eyes.....  whatever.........

So then I find out, (notice the 3 shelves there) ...  that she was told she could use ONE SHELF not the 4 shelves she told me about and whatever else that she is demanding having complete access to!    Like she wants half the garage infront of her shelves cleared out so she can "access" her shelves.  Eh, I don't think so.  So I left her what I felt was appropriate.  And her shelves have NEVER been blocked... 

Wait....they aren't even HER SHELVES....... they are MY SHELVES RIGHT NOW!

Then on the following garbage day, I go out to take the garbage out around 7:30 (they come sometime between 9 and noon) ....  and find THIS...

Am I TWO years old?!?!!?   I didn't realize that I needed my non-Mommy neighbor to tell me what to do!   This seriously irritated me ...

And then for whatever reason, the garbage man didn't pick up my trash that day, but he did pick up the recycling... so I had to laugh ...  stupid ... so I hope my garbage attract all the raccoons to her yard!  HA!

The next encounter we had with her, she was outside ... on the phone (thought she had no friends?!) ... and she comes running up by the garage, she looks at us (cuz we are watching her, cuz she was acting weird) ... she's starring in the garage, at our stuff ...  so she walks away and goes "There was a huge raccoon, we have a huge raccoon problem, and they are huge raccoons, they try to eat your dogs, you literally have to pick them up and push them away with your foot" ... have to pick up the dogs, and push the raccoons away with your foot...  then she goes "I just chased one over here" ...

Seriously, I didn't see any huge raccoon....  and both Dennis and I wondered if she does drugs....

So we had a BBQ at my Mom's yesterday for the 4th of July ... and she invited *CJ* and her boyfriend *L* who also helps manage the place, and she tells me how the neighbor called her up the other night just bitching about us... how she was sitting outside in her little pool in her bikini and she says "some 14 yr old came up to me and said 'how you doing?' ..." and *CJ* said she laughed and told her that the kid was just asking her how she was and trying to be friendly.... and then she added that when Dennis goes outside to smoke, and she is outside ... in her bikini apparently ...  he stares at her!?!?   Apparently she's in her bikini a lot.... even though I've never seen her in her bikini...  I've seen her in her PJ's a lot...  I saw her walk out to the water 4 times in an hour one day, each time in a different outfit....  but never in a bikini ...

So now I have a perv of a son, and a perv of a husband..... according to her.

Oh and incase you didn't notice, it's after the end of June...  it's after the time she should be out!  But no, she's STILL THERE........ and, now, it sounds like she'll be here for another FOUR MONTHS!!!!!!!  (can I cry now!?!)  ...

She is expecting *CJ* to find her a place, someplace with no kids around....  like it's her job or something?!?   She keeps calling her up, begging her to help....

Oh and lets not forget that you can't say anything to her dog either, it's a federal offense!!!  He's apparently as anti-social and crazy as she is...  

Yeah....  HAPPY 4th of July!!  I have a psycho neighbor .... that's something to celebrate!!

On another note, I feel the need to add... she has one of those magnetic ribbon things on her car.  Ya know the ones, the "Support This Cause" type ones!   Well, in her case, her's says "Support Anti-Depressants!  Without Them, I'd Kill You!"   ... it almost scares me, in her case... I wonder if it might be true!