In our lives we choose to be supportive and loving.
Calahan watched me come out of an abusive situation and in the end standing up for myself and standing strong against it. I was no longer going to be manipulated and broken down by words. I taught my kids to stand up for what and who they believe in and because they have brothers who have medical needs and "typical" kids don't always treat them like kids who are just like them. You feel like someone is bullied, you stand up for that person. I mean even Cal got bullied as a child, badly, at his schools and it's good to see him when he stands up for what he believes in or someone who he feels is being mistreated. He is very protective of those he loves. I also raised him to be a good man. He is very kind hearted and loving, and he's still young and still learning and we might get annoyed with his lack of focus sometimes, lol, he's forgetful on those chores.... but he tries hard, and he usually means well. I've taught him to be respectful and sometimes respectful flies out the window, just like with anyone.
Cal has had a few girlfriends. There are the early girls who lasted a few months ... the stolen kisses in the alleys. We move to WA and he has a girlfriend for a short time and then he met his high school sweetheart. They dated for 5 years and, he had asked her to marry him at her graduation, he had even gotten her dad's permission to ask her. It was sweet. We worried though, because she had a very over protective family and they didn't get to see each other often. And slowly things began to change and things ended. Then there was ..... she who shant be named .... and her verbally and mental abuse of Cal, even some physical abuse... but it's like... I saw it and I got so mad, she was cheating on him and I had proof and he still believed her.... and I got so frustrated until I stepped back and looked at him and realized, I could get mad all I wanted and it wasn't going to change a thing. So I stepped back and looked at the situation ... and realized the only thing I was doing .... was losing my son and allowing her to win. So I started to remember he's an adult and he has the right to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. So I focused on supporting him. We'd talk about the various issues, but I tried not to get mad or let my anger about it show. I expressed my concerns and had to allow him to make his own choices.
What my son is NOT .... is abusive. What he is NOT is controlling. NOR is he comparable to someone who is.
