So We're Getting Married ....

So .......  my son is getting married!!  Not tomorrow ... or today ...  sometime, down the road...  we don't know yet, that's part of this whole thing.

WHERE do we begin?

Of course I never got the wedding I wanted, so I gotta reign myself back and remember - this is NOT my wedding, this is NOT my day .....

............ damn court house weddings. .

So since we need to keep this on the cheap side, we'll have to get and do things s.l.o.w.l.y.

So there are some things that need to be at least thought about - if not decided on.

1: Bride & Groom.......... oh, shooooooo - nevermind, we know that.

That would be Calahan and Tina Marie ....   I can't pretend that I'm not actually a wee-bit (alright more than a wee-bit) excited ... even in the short time they've been together, I have to say that I see a lot of love, respect, and compassion for each other....  and I do like what I see.

2: Theme?  Well - we actually know that too.  At his moment, it's Dragon/Fairies/Fantasy....  now get that weird look off your face and look at this......

....... you cannot tell me that's not wickedly amazing... 

3: Season ......   Tina already told me she's thinking Spring/Summer

4: Date........  JULY 31, 2020  <--- is what they are shooting for at the moment

5: Colors ......   She likes red, he likes green ....... that's screams CHRISTMAS!!!   LOL ...  but again,  Unknown ....  TBD ... 

6:  Where?  Do you want it Inside or Outside?  Inside where?  Outside where?  Church, Barn, Beach, Forrest, Park, near the Water .....  what is the vision ....

7:  Who do you want in the wedding party?  You need two witnesses, one for each of you - who will it be?

8: Who do you want at the wedding?  Is the wedding and the reception going to be separate?  Different days?  Who do you want at the wedding?  Who do you want at the reception?

9: What all do you want to do at your reception?  Do you want to just be relaxed and hang out?  Do you want to do cake, dinner, dancing, etc and so on?   If it's going to be separate from the wedding then where do you want that?   Back to the indoor, outdoor?  Etc and so on ...

10:  Do you want a dress?  Is he going to wear a suit or a tux?

I think that's a pretty good list to look at so far!  <3

Take a deep breath........ you are getting married!  Squeal!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CALAHAN!!!!

Twenty-three years ago today I labored 13 hours to squeeze this slimy alien out of my body. He came out screaming and the doctor, who was as horrified as I was at this tiny little.... boy thing. It took a nano-second for me to grab that screaming little human thing and fall instantly in love. I wasn't mad about the 13 hours of horrible pain and contractions and all the vomiting and the .....everything .... he put me through. He was my whole world, my whole life... and he made me the one thing I always wanted to be, and that was a mom. <3             He was 8lbs 7oz of wonder. He rarely cried as a newborn, unless he was hungry or I laid him in his cradle (but his crib was fine) .... He was always wide eyed and taking everything in. Always curious. He wasn't always the easiest child. After the Leukemia scare, the bone marrow testing and everything with that, he changed. The turned from this super smart little boy and regressed .. and I thought it was due to being traumatized by the scary medical tests he had to go through. The next few years would be rough. But we stumbled our way through it and by the age of 5, he was somewhat back to his normal .... then he became a big brother. I'm sure it was "normal" to him - everything that happened with Noah... but it wasn't, yet it was all Calahan knew. As the years have come and gone Calahan has grown into an amazing young man. He has this huge heart so full and capable of love. He is loyal to a fault. He has such compassion for animals, and people - especially if it's someone who's seen as being at a disadvantage or going through something tough - he is always willing to be a support or a shoulder. He has such a kind heart. Cal does have his faults, of course, like his quick temper. LOL ... and I know that he really wants someone to call his own. With Tina coming into his life, he has found this happiness I have never seen in him before.

So today, I wish my amazing son a very very happy 23rd birthday (even though it's MY birthday, cuz I was the one giving birth!) ... and I hope that this next year turns out to be so amazing for you. <3 <3 I love you baby boy.

Today we had Beef Stroganoff (asked for by the birthday boy) and cake ....

Hi World..... let me introduce Tina ...... Calahan's new and bestest main squeeze <3

Throwing rocks and making plops........

Vaping........  no, there is no nicotine in it

HAPPY 2019!!! And Goals....

 So I teeter between the philosophy of ...

WHY ONLY MAKE RESOLUTIONS ON THE FIRST OF EVERY YEAR?  If you are really committed to them, why not any other time of the year?

and ...

WHY NOT?

So I tend to call them "goals" instead of resolutions .....  and it's good to start a year with a list of goals?  Right? 

RIGHT!!!  Just agree with me, it's easier .... just ask my husband. 

These were my GOALS for 2018.....   after, in red, I'll admit to how I did (or we did) .... 

#1: Keep the streak going of keeping Nathan non-admitted! We are 2 1/2 years out from him being in the hospital for any kind of hospital stay, this includes for surgery.  Which is AMAZING.  We're going to keep this up and keep this kid healthy!  We made it 3 years and a couple months, because Nathan had to have surgery this fall to remove baby teeth, fix some teeth, and to do a gum graph prior to him getting braces. While he didn't get SICK and be in the hospital - it was still a hospital stay.  We're also not starting a new countdown because we know he has another surgery coming up - if he doesn't stay over night from that one, we'll start the countdown up from the last one.  LOL 

#2: I want DB and I to really make more time for him and I.  A monthly date.  Really need it.  It would be amazing if we could really make this happen.  I'm going to start keeping track of it and trying to set one day a month aside for just him and I...  Frankly we just couldn't afford it and probably can't afford it this year either.  BUT it is something we really want to do and need to make time and effort to make a priority.  Sadly it's just not a priority over rent, bills, food on the table, and the health needs of the household..... so yeah....  

#3: I want read at least 12 books this year.  That's one a month.  I don't get a lot of time to read, and I've been making it more of a point to really get back into reading. I set this up for two a month plus two last year and I think I read 3 books total all year.  You'd think I would have easily made this happen.  Oye.  This is sad and I don't even want to admit this .... but........ I read ONE book the whole year.  And it was a book I started reading in the summer of 2017.  Yeah.  That's pretty effing bad.  I used to read a book a week and now it's just like ... I got so much on my plate and so much that I'm doing and I all ....... :::sigh:::  I want to read.  It's like trying to find the money to carve out for dates! LOL 

#4: Polish the book that was finished, and figure out what I want to do with it.  Still need to do this...  NEED to make this happen.  I did't ....  I don't even think I've really looked at that book since I finished it.  Horrible author I am.  I am no good at polishing .... I need someone to do it for me. 

#5: Be part of the #365Project of sharing at least one photo a day.  I'm doing it on Facebook and Instagram (and Twitter because Instagram posts to my Twitter.)  I think I'll add it to my Google+ too. (I'll have to catch up there though) .... I still want to do this.  I really do, just one year I want to do this.  BWAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAA .... nope, fail, big fat ugly fail..

#6: I REALLY want to write at least one blog a day. I know I have said this the past couple of years, and I fully intend to, but then life runs away and ... ugh.  I stop.  But blogging is literally my main form of therapy.  I have to purge my feelings.  My blog isn't a "working" blog.  It's not about making money, it's JUST about sharing my life and being able to look back on my blog for the memories.  If you happen to follow along, great!  I know this is probably unrealistic ... especially after coming off of such a bad year of blogging.  So..... I am going to call this a success if I can blog 15 days a month.  That would be a starting point.  I do .... I do want to write ONE NEW BLOG A DAY ... across any of my blogs.  Won't happen though....  nope.  I need to accept this fact....  

#7:Make new friends.  Um........ I guess I've done this?  

#8: Need to get some of my health issues more under control, maybe if I do that - I'll feel a lot better over all and I want to continue this!  I am about the same, maybe a smidge worse..... 

#9: Lose weight.  I was under 200lbs and now I'm over again, I hate it.  Thank you insulin!  I want to lose it again.  I still want to lose weight - so I'm hoping we can do a YMCA membership, this would be good for everyone. Definitely ALWAYS a goal.... 

#10: We need to do family game night and family movie night more often.  We've fallen out of practice.  I would like to see us doing both once a week, but I'd settle for one or the other each week.   Yes we do and we made it a few nights last year but not a regular thing.  This year, we're going to make it regular <3 

#1: Spending more time as a family.  If this be family movie night or family game night or getting out and doing some exploring as a family, even if it's free or only costs gas and lunch....  we're going to do things as a family.  PERIOD.

#2: I want DB and I to really make more time for him and I.  A monthly date.  Really need it.  It would be amazing if we could really make this happen.  I'm going to start keeping track of it and trying to set one day a month aside for just him and I...  Even if this is one night that we just have a SAH-Date .... (stay-at-home date) ...  it's hard to do with him being in college and all the boys and MEH but ..... I don't want us to suffer. 

#3: I want read at least 12 books this year.  That's one a month.  This is an amazing want.  And it's true, I DO want to read more.  But I'm going to decrease this and say .... I want to read TWO books this year, and if I read more, GREAT!  (Children's -elementary- books don't count)

#4: Really work hard on the current book! I'm currently starting chapter 10 and I would REALLY love to have this one done by the end of the year.  I am really proud of this one and honestly, this is the FIRST book I've ever actually been proud of. 

#5: Start to meditate and maybe start yoga.  Something I can do by myself, on my bed ..... or find a spot on the floor. 

#6: I REALLY want to write something every day.  It can be a blog, notes in my writers journal, the book, or a insightful FB post, I want to write SOMETHING each day .... 

#7:Make new friends.  This is always a good goal ....

#8: Need to get some of my health issues more under control .... and be more active.

#9: Lose weight.  I was under 200lbs and now I'm over again, I hate it.  Thank you insulin!  I want to lose it again.  I still want to lose weight - so I'm hoping we can do a YMCA membership, this would be good for everyone. Definitely ALWAYS a goal....

#10:  Wanderlust .......... kinda addressed this one in the first goal.  But this one is a little different.  I want to go on a family adventure once a month, which could be local and free .....  but I want to take one weekend, anytime through the year, and spend a weekend, not at home, with my husband and just my husband.  Just one get-away... just the two of us.  <3

Most of them are the same as 2018 ....  but there are some changes!  <3

We didn't do much, and this year I didn't do the annual drunk kids photos ....  this was the first year they all stayed up past midnight...   and we could hear the fireworks going off in Seattle at the Space Needle.... 

We literally just had a very low key night.  We had spaghetti for dinner ....  (or "Noodles & Sauce" as we call it.) ....

I pet battled the night away .....

Got my midnight kiss!!!

And that was pretty much it!  <3 

So from our family to yours.......... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

I WILL DO THIS! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving....

Okay - I get it - I suck at blogging this year.  I own it.... I admit it ..... got into the habit of doing it again for a WHOLE MONTH ... and then ........

............................ BAM.............

............................................ she drops off the face of the Earth.

I have to say, life has been VERY crazy the last few months.  Crazy and chaotic ... but leading to times with a much better energy and calmer family time.....  which in the long run is amazing...

Plus!  My son is going to be MUCH happier .... and that is the best part.

...... If you follow me, you know generally what's been going on.  The short of it is this.... 

My son Calahan was dating Elly's mom .... for over a year.  However, she "cheated" on him early on.  She was talking to her friend for hours, complaining about Cal to him, and any time he would try to talk to her about it, and how uncomfortable it made him -  she would belittle him.  Then she started to belittle him a lot ....  calling him dumb, stupid, telling him he wouldn't succeed at anything, he's a failure, etc and so on.  I would talk to her about this, ask her how it would feel if Cal would say that to her.  I would also talk to Calahan about it and he would push it off.  "I don't want to talk about it." and he would just avoid it.  I know the behavior.  I was the behavior with his biological father.  It's an abusive relationship no matter how you look at it.

It was abuse. But we know she had been abused herself and that's why she was doing it to other people.  It's a hard thing to change when it's pretty much embedded in you from your first breath. 

Then came the secrets.  Cal never keeps secrets from me.  He rarely lies to me, especially as an adult.  Other than telling me he'll get some chore done and not do it.  That's an unintentional lie though.

I'd have talks with Cal, telling him that she's not building him up and supporting him despite the support and building up he did for her.  The girl could do nothing wrong in his eyes.  I would sit down and lay stuff out for Cal and I'd get so angry.  I had proof of things I was saying. 

So at some point you have to realize that you are doing more damage by pushing it and it's causing a wedge between us.  So I stopped.   And waited. 

Whenever she did these things, and I would hear it, I'd talk to her.  But a lot went on behind closed doors.  Cal got secretive ...

I mean these kids are young.  I'd try to use them as teaching moments.  ::: sigh :::

Regardless ....  after 14 months of dating .... she FINALLY broke up with him (because he wasn't going to do it...)

Just as she does this, she ......

Actually let me back up a second.   Elly, my granddaughter, Shila and Kale's daughter....  (yes, let's have the Jerry Springer moment....  Shila and Kale (my adoptive son) were together for 3 years.  (She says 5 but she's wrong, they got together summer of 2014, got pregnant with Elly Dec of 2014, had Elly Aug. 2015, and then broke up Aug 2017.) .... when Kale and Shila broke up, Shila went to Cal (my oldest biological son.) 

So .... fast forward through a whole lot of drama....  after a year and two months, him standing by her as she cheated on him (kissing and who knows what else with one guy early on, and then from August to November spending her weekends with another guy other than Cal - and I mean EVERY weekend from morning until late at night ... and telling Cal that they are just friends (her and the guy) .... but this guy is buying her pretty much anything she deems "she needs" and taking her out ALL the time.... and then was after her trying to become affectionate with our friend who makes a lot of money and makes sure his four kids is taken care of...) .....

Things finally come to an end with Cal and Shila....

Oh and Shila's 5 year old daughter (Claire-bear) ratted out Mommy saying that Mommy was kissing the guy who took them trick or treating ....  yep.   Clairah's Daddy was concerned because Clairah was confused and wondering why Mommy wasn't with Cal. 

Anyway .... 

Shila and Kale have been in the middle of a nasty bit of CPS drama.  I am not going to get into the reasons, who did or said what, and whatever else.  It's not just my life and my family .... 

So .... back in August - CPS wanted Elly to be placed in a safe, clean home environment and not be bounced around from here to there to anywhere.  Originally it was set up so that DB and I were going to be signed over temporary custody ...  and she was going to come live with us.  But that didn't happen, just live in an apartment and couldn't swing it.  So then the next best thing was going over to Nana & Papa's (my mom & dad's) and so Shila and Elly both went over ....

To make the transition easier on Elly, Shila went with .... because it wasn't with someone she was 100% established with and knew well (DB & I) .... she knows Nana & Papa of course, but not well enough to be thrown at them .... NOW she  knows them really well...

Well it was understood - by Shila - that there were rules to follow.  Moving in with my mom & dad would mean that Elly would likely go without anything and would - truly - be spoiled ... 

Shila needed to focus on herself and making her life and Elly's life better.  She needed to do everything CPS said.  She would clean the house for "room and board" and she had to adhere to CPS' rules.  Plus they needed to be in bed at a decent time, Shila was starting school, Elly was starting school, etc and so on....

Elly was doing really well with Nana and Papa and Momma, well, she doesn't like rules, so she started doing things like - lying, saying she was going to be home at a certain time and not following through (when Nana and Papa were watching Elly) ... and then came the night where she went to her sisters, and low and behold.... didn't come back until well after she was supposed to be home, and this was right after CPS had made a surprise visit and told her that they were taking Elly.   So they pulled in, her dumb boyfriend got "scared" because Papa was waiting to tell the dumb boyfriend that he was no longer welcome on his property ... and they took off, with Elly. 

Elly was placed in that home, not supposed to be spending the night anywhere else.   (This btw, wasn't the only thing like this that happened, not to mention she was taking Elly someplace she was told she was absolutely was NOT supposed to take her...) .... 

Cops were called, CPS couldn't be gotten ahold of...  so the cops let Elly go with Shila and the following day, Shila came with three guys no one knew to get hers and Elly's stuff.... well most of it.  Shila left all of Clairah's clothes though, which I guess said a lot about Shila and Clairah - also - because she was already showing lack of interest with spending time with her, since every time she needed to be reminded to call her daughter, to touch base, to see when she could see her ...  and none of it seemed to phase her.  Not talk or see your daughter for months, no biggy.  Didn't seem to phase her one bit either way. 

So .... smh ....  Shila won that battle, but she took Elly away from the house where Elly was placed by CPS and needed to stay, and Shila could leave, but Elly was supposed to stay and that was made clear to Shila and she didn't seem to realize the ramifications this would have.  Plus CPS already said they were going to remove Elly from Shila's care.

SO.... Shila left the county with an active CPS case, with a child she had already been told they were going to remove from her care. 

Six days later, Shila got a phone call from the CPS Case Manager telling her that the courts were taking Elly from her custody, and that she better be at the CPS office in the county we live, by 4pm or they were going to her, and Shila would be arrested.

So ... after a stressful day, Shila showed up at CPS at about 6pm (TWO HOURS LATE!) and Elly was handed over to Nana and Papa where she now lives, who now have custody of her (currently) where she has her own room and is spoiled to the bone. 

At this point, I won't share anymore going on with CPS in regards with Elly.  Other than to say that they are involved and the courts are beyond involved.  And there is actually - currently - more than ONE case going on .... 

I have to say though, I was pretty stressed and worried because - I was just worried about Elly.  So there were several nights I didn't actually sleep. 

But we had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  How could we not knowing that Elly was safe and being taken care of .... 

Here are our pictures of our Thanksgiving #1 ... with my Mom, Dad and Elly .... and the four boys, DB and I .... oh and the dogs... LOL... but I didn't get a pic of the dogs....

I even dressed up and put on jewelry (which I rarely do)

My hubby and I before we left.... (yes he has his chef's coat on) ....

Mr. Noah ... and his really big book....

My boys....

Miss Elly in her FAVORITE boots!!  LOL ....  I adore this girl.

Nonna and Elly ....

We had great food.... ham, deep fried turkey, scalloped corn, baked squash, stuffing, mashed tators & gravy, apple salad ...  and more ... like pumpkin pie and all that fun stuff...

Mr. Nathan....

Calahan and Elly, she's such a lucky little girl to have two great Daddies who love her sooooo much, and two Mommies too ....  and hopefully Elly isn't going to be the on who pays for the mess that is going on ....  I know Cal was really hurt and confused and felt like he couldn't be Elly's "Daddy" anymore but that's not going to change.... 

But boy, I was thankful for coming home and enjoying some quiet and solitude.. lol.... 

So as we say goodbye to November, and I failed NoBloPoMo for yet another year ....  I am very thankful that this month is ending the way it is.  A couple more years and my family will be in a really good place, DB will be done with his degree and hopefully soon after that - getting all our ducks in a row, and then hopefully buying our own house or at least renting a bigger one. 

I have high hopes for things looking up and bright in December and making it through another month.  I'm going to try my best to work past my pain and become more active.  Slowly been gaining weight and I'm not okay with it..... so I do really want to work on that .... it's just hard with the Fibro Beast sitting on my shoulders every damn day .... 

But I love my family.  My whole family.  The dynamic may change sometimes, but it seems to stick to or come back to the same core.  DB, Me, the five boys (Cal, Noah, Nate, Kaed and Kale) ... and our little Princess Ellyanne.  Wish the older daughter was more a part of our family and of course continued resistance there. 

So goodbye November 2018 ...... 

And hello to December ....  may you be good to all of  us...   I plan on going out of this year, with a perfect December... ... which .... is probably .... unrealistic ....