A-U-T-I-S-M .... how it changes everything...

Today ............. I officially became..........

Isn't it amazing how one word can change your whole world.  Don't get me wrong.... I mean, we've been expecting this for the last 6 months, questioning it for about half of Nathan's life.   About 18 months ago, we suddenly realized that the the funny spinning he does, the hiding in whatever small space he can find... wasn't just him being cute.... that.... his lack of eye contact at times wasn't just him being shy.... that his needing a routine was more then comfort, and that his melt downs were more then just temper tantrums ... 

It was obvious to me, even if he didn't have "classic autism" he was somewhere on the spectrum. 

It was OBVIOUS .......

And we've spent time just hoping we were wrong........... but knowing, deep deep down .... that it was right....  it fit....

A couple days ago, we were at the DR and he laid down on his back and just started to spin around in circles ..... 

He melts down, he needs to be wrapped up in his blanket or my blanket and held real tight and he'll calm down, he folds over when he's uncomfortable....... like this ...

Which is what he was doing today, along with being held in his blanket.... 

Today ... it became official... he is on the low end of the spectrum but he does have PDD .... Nathan has officially been diagnosed with Autism and ......... even though it was expected, it crushed my heart....

In addition to that, they are questioning if he has Dandy Walker or if he might have another disorder of the cerebellum called Joubert Syndrome ....  we found out today that he's missing a piece of his cerebellum called the Vermis (which is Latin for "worm") .... I knew he had a cyst in his brain that would always be there, in his cerebellum but no one ever told me there was a piece missing.....  maybe they didn't explain that to me, maybe they didn't know until this last MRI.....  but it was a shock to me today .....

You just don't know how it feels to hear YOUR CHILD IS MISSING A PIECE OF HIS BRAIN........ unless it's your child and you are hearing this.....

He has the PDD diagnosis and they feel it's related to one or more of his medical issues.  Regardless.... he will be able to receive more services at school ...  which will be wonderful for him.   I can't complain.

Now ... we just have to figure out which diagnosis is the true one, and what that means for him....

Haircuts!! (wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Cal has been asking for a haircut since the day before his birthday ....  Noah NEEDED a haircut - but having sensory issues, haircuts are a MAJOR thing for him - it causes a lot of anxiety.  He managed through though.

Surprisingly after Noah got his haircut, Nathan crawled on up on the stool and wanted his cut, so Daddy gave him a trim as well..... 

I had been asking Kaedyn if he'd get his hair cut, he needed it ... oh my his hair was long and wonderful, but his bangs were in his eyes... I tried to trim it and ended up messing up ...  so I basically left it up to Kaedyn and Daddy.... and Kaedyn decided to go ahead and crawl on up ....  so.....

 (Close up of Nathan)

 Kaedyn before

 Lookie that little boy ...

 Really starting to not be happy ..

 Oh My Mommy look at my hair!!!

 I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL!!!!!!!!

 All of his hair on the floor!!  And I was just talking about how I love playing with my hair on his head, I mean his hair......... his hair is just like mine and I told Dennis just a couple hours before the haircuts how I now understand why he likes to play with my hair a lot.

 The little man after the hair cut..

 Is.......... he............... glaring............. at ............. me!?!?!?

 Lil Man

 Nathan being a monkey on the treadmill just before it left Nanny's house...

Yes, I cried............ I could still cry .......... I want to seriously superglue it all back on!!

Nathan's New Preschool

So ....... we had visiting Nathan's new preschool and filled out some paperwork.  We visited twice ... he and Kaedyn would have a blast playing in the room.  The room was BRIGHT and COLORFUL and WELCOMING .......

Nathan had started preschool earlier in the school year, just after his surgery....  at another center, and it was alright, but the school room was not very colorful and it didn't seem all that inviting...  He did NOT want to go to school, every day he would cry and cry and cry when we'd leave .... and it was hard.....  to leave him.

To be fair, he started school shortly after surgery and that probably messed pretty well with his immune system.  But he went a couple days, got sick for several days, went a day or two, got sick, went a couple days and was sick for 3 weeks....... so I took him out.  It was just to much being sick.

His new classroom, his teacher says she's really "anal" and the kids even get their own playdoh to play with..  and the class is SMALL.  So hopefully .... hopefully ....

But we can only HOPE that this time... it'll be different and he'll ENJOY his school this time around.

 Kaedyn with the Ice Cream Numbers

 Kaedyn is really excited about about the calender....

 Nathan playing with the ice cream numbers, he even licked it... LOL...

 their Rainbow!!  Pretty awesome!!

Wow............ Just..........

Yep............. WOW...... Just WOW........... yeah I know, CHEAP NoBloPoMo post but .... trust me, wow!


OH OH OH ... and Seahawks WON this weekend which means one more win and they are in the SUPERBOWL!!!  Who oh who oh who will they play???   The game was not boring AT ALL ... not in the least!  That one touchdown was AMAZING!!  Check it out!  The guy had baby oil all over him or something!!

Bachelor Brad - Week 1 (late)

Brad Womack … returns to the Bachelor Pad.  He said “in every single blog he was called a self-righteous, selfish, immature, commitment fob…” 

Er……. Not in my blog Brad ….  Course I was as shocked and pissed as the rest of the fans…. But… then I realized, he did the STAND UP THING.  Honestly….   Instead of stringing one girl along for a few more months until the show finished airing, and announcing THEN that he didn’t feel right about it, he did it right away.  I donno about other women out there, but if I were in Jenny or DeAnna’s shoes… I would have wanted to know that his feelings weren’t there for me as soon as he knew, and it sounds like, he pretty much did that.  And then to be dubbed the most hated Bachelor ever, when HE DID THE STAND UP THING … blows my mind.   People change, he’s had 3 years to grow up, mature, and find out where he really wants to be in life, so I’m embracing him as the first man to be the Bachelor twice.  I always liked Brad.   It sounds like he has put himself through the ringer too.  

Then there is the whole interview with Jenni & DeAnna…..  I think DeAnna was still a little… dare I say, bitter sounding?   HELLO – it’s been 3 years, you aren’t over it yet?   You’ve gone through – what – 30+ guys counting the ones on your season of the Bachelorette!?!?!?   She let the guy that America  thought she should go for go, picked the wild guy who everyone loved but knew was to immature for her, and then broke it off with him after a few months…… and now she’s engaged to the brother of one of the contestants of Season 5 Bachelorette…  (which was Jillian Harris’ season, who was rejected by Jason  Mesnick  who was the good guy most of America was routing for but rejected by DeAnna…… how does THAT work out???)   Jenni was more supportive, she has obviously found happiness in the marriage she rekindled with an ex boyfriend of hers (if I remember correctly) after Brad broke her heart.   It seemed … rather … uncomfortable.   DeAnna seemed bitter and Jenni seemed supportive, that was what I took away from it.

So ……… on with the show…  to the girls…. 

BOLD is Limo Meetting

Alli – Apparel Merchant – Columbus, OH – she says “I know America hates you but I’m more then willing to give you a second chance” … 

Ashley H. – Dentist – Philidelphia, PA ….. Her motto “Love, Romance, and Healthy Gums” …er…. K…  oh but good for her for dancing around in her boy shorts underwear…. And… was she wearing a bra?? If she was, it wasn’t very supportive…….. got a pick up hug under the limo….  She offers to leave out of the limo with him, cuz … there is a limo waiting already ….

 

Ashley S – Nanny – New York, NY  - Sweet Southern Girl at a crossroads.  Carrying grief and loss from the death of her Dad.  She says she appreciates love so much more, because of it, and if she loves someone, she tells them every day.  (originally from NC) … She kissed where he was slapped….  Called him a call-drink-of-water … and said she wasn’t going to hate on him, to which Brad said he loved her already… and then GRABBED HIS ASS…….to which Brad said she was his type of girl… ha ha …  Had a very lovely convo with Brad that turned his night around.

Britt – Food Writer – Woodinville, WA - …I have been told that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and hands him a little bag of goodies … 

Britnee – Paralegal – Holland, PA -  … Made Brad go to the car and open the door for her … 

Chantal O – Executive Associate (Car Saleslady) – Seattle, WA – Divorced dog and cat Mommy…  self-proclaimed bad at the “dating game”  …. She’s the first girl out of the limos… the one who said “I have something from every woman in America” and slapped him across the face, then proclaimed she was “just the messenger” and it wasn’t from her…at…all…..  yeah right!  But Brad handled it very very well I thought…  first he said he deserved it, and then he said it was a nice hit… 

Cristy – Attorney - Ft. Lauderdale, FL ……… Handshake …of….. death…. Usually the girls HUG…  “If there is one thing for me to know about you before going in what would it be?” .. he says “that I’ve changed” LOL ………. 

Emily – Children’s Hospital Event Planner – Charlotte, NC … she talks about the her fiancé and how she wasn’t feeling well when he told her to stay home and rest, and went on to the race he was going to, and later that day found out that the plane crashed and all ten people on it died, including her fiancé.  The Friday of that week, she found out she was pregnant, and now she has a beautiful little girl.  Her story seriously touches the heart and you HOPE she makes it far, because you want her to find happiness.  (Maybe the next Bachelorette if she doesn’t get picked?)   Her daughter’s name is Ricki after her Daddy. … She is such a sweetie!  He tells her “you are such a beautiful woman” and he likes her accent …. 

J –Operations Manager - Seattle, WA -  First off, before I even get into the “limo entrance” I have to say, she must be special to just have a letter and not a full name.  Maybe she was to embarrassed to be on the show and didn’t want her whole identity revealed???   Who knows….Hugs… she says “thanks for having this big ol’ party for me, cuz it’s my birthday” LOL…  … 

Jackie – Artist – New York, NY - … demands he make a promise right out of the limo … pinky swear it… that he won’t break her heart… HELLO GIRL…….. geez…. 

Jill – Sales Director – Frisco, TX… Announces right away that she’s ready to get married, ha ha… Brad says he is too…

Keltie – Radio City Rockets – Hollywood, CA … Way to show everyone your underware!  She gets out of the limo and right away her leg is up in the air!  And she says “this is so bananas…” .. oh my!  And she’s wearing one feather earring?? 

Kimberly – Marketing Coordinator - Charlotte, NC – not really a good impression by basically saying “she has a lot or reservations” and blah blah …  seriously… 

Lacey – Insurance Agent – Tampa, FL …… she’s excited to meet the bachelor … did everyone get that??  As she’s practically jumping up and down clapping away announcing her excitement!  Really loved her purpled dress, very pretty!!  …

Lauren – High School Teacher – Arlington, VA ….She looks pretty her in her gold dress …. 

Lindsay – 1^st Grade Teacher -Plano, TX – red dress – that’s all I remember… 

Lisa M. – Marketing Coordinator – Ottawa, KS….Ruby Red Slippers .. really … oh my, I suppose, whatever you have to do to make yourself stand out and be memorable   …. 

Lisa P. – Sales Consultant – New York, NY …. Asked for advice, he told her to be herself …..

Madison – Model – Brooklyn, NY  … “Mysterious” and “Adventurous”  are the two words she uses to describe herself as she is sporting a couple of fangs and says … as she is applying her make-up “it would be so much easier if I had a reflection” and then hisses at the camera…. Um… okay ..  but it’s when you hear her describe how she met the leader of the underground vampire world …. And she hopes that the Bachelor is sexy dark kind of guy and “he better watch out” …. Him and the rest of the girls, I mean, I assume they are all mortal and have blood….She tells him that she doesn’t know a single thing about him and that he looks delicious … SERIOUSLY!?!?!!  …omg, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth… he says he likes this mysterious demener…  then as she goes to go inside, I swear he says “nice fangs” ugh! ….

Meghan – Fashion Marketer – New York, NY ……. “Finding a boyfriend is like shopping for a great pair of shoes, it’s really difficult, you have to go through a lot of ugly cheap cheesy ones to find a really great pair” and then also says meeting the man of her dreams would be the perfect accessory ……. Um……. Seriously?   … she comes out of the limo wearing the most “Lady Gaga” shoes I’ve seen… black dress and pink tacky shoes ….I just can’t even focus on what she says cuz of the shoes, I’m BLINDED by the shoes  (sorry I’m just not a shoe girl like that) …..

Marissa – Sports Publicist - Kissimmee, LF …. “Are you okay with being with someone who’s life completely revolves around sports!” … he says “I think I love you already”…. 

Melissa – Waitress – Lake Worth, FL …. JUMPS into his arms…. Definitely a lasting impression  ….

Michelle – Hair Stylist – Salt Lake City, UT – Single Mommy to a little girl …. Already called herself “his wife” before she even knows who the Bachelor is… There seems to be alittle (lot of) chemistry going on between the two of them, seriously …  …. 

Raichel – Manscaper –  Fullerton, CA -  she gets way to much pleasure out of the pain these men go through while she waxes them……… yeah… Breathing exercises, and then announces he is the perfect guy for her, and then they stumble across complementing each other   ….

Rebecca – Esthetician  - Mission Viego, CA ….My Grandma has always told me you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming, aawwwwwwww and she gives him a sweet little kiss. …..

Renee – Nanny – Palos Hills, IL ….  Her name is RENEE and she’s from OUTSIDE Chicago …  her voice goes up with the uppercase words… it’s … kinda… annoying actually ….  

Sarah L. – Musical Theater Performer– Saginaw, IL – Random fact about me, I can’t snap my fingers! -

Sarah P – Real Estate Broker – Denver, CO …..  “Can you do something for me” … sure… “Can you get down on one knee?  Repeat after me ‘Will you marry me’” … and then they laugh… he says “that wasn’t so bad” LOL….  

Shawntel N. – Funeral Director -Chico, CA -  Okay – profession – CREEPY …. But … someone has to do it… right? ….Likes her yellow dress, says “I think you can make anyone look good”   ….

Stacee – Bartender – Boston, MA - … “I have to be honest with you though, I don’t know who you are” LOL….. Brad liked that…  …

After the limo, all the girls are snarking about how it didn’t work the first time, etc and so on… and how if he doesn’t walk away engaged this time, he better hide in a cave.  Brad comes in and gives a nice, nervous, speech where he asks the girls if they think he’s not here for the right reasons, or doesn’t want to stay because of his history, he offers the girls a chance to leave.   Brad talks about how he’s had therapy and how he feels like a jerk.  The girls really grill him – over and over and over – about what happened 3 years ago.  

Brad gets doubtful and then with the convo with Ashley S, where she tells him that if he ever needs someone to talk to she’ll always listen , etc…  very sweet convo.   

Then “manscaper” came along waxed the poor guy… well, his wrist.  LOL…  it’s good to know though, that Brad does not want his “undercarriage” waxed, and he’s going to keep his “package” far away from waxing. 

 Jackie tells Brad that she sings and when she does……..  she makes up some weird song … that rhymes… she does okay, she can sing but you can tell she had some nerves going on too.  

 And then there is the girl (Alli) who sticks her arse in his face (okay, maybe not IN his face) … to ask him if he can “handle this” ….  And then Renee steals him away, and Alli comes back and says “I wanna hang out too,” and then says “Can I steal you back away” and he goes off with Alli, so then Renee comes back and butts into their convo to steal him away .. again…. But then another girl comes and steals him away before she even gets a chance to, and then she comes and talks to him again, and ANOTHER girls steals him away before she even really gets a chance to start talking to him.  You can tell that Renee is frustrated!   Well, that and she says she’s frustrated.  

Emily is nervous that she won’t get a rose because she’s shy and reserved.  But Brad and Emily seemed to have a good one on one time.   She says “My Mommy always tells me it’s better to be home alone, then to be home and wish you were alone” …  I think I see some pretty good chemistry with Emily too. 

Then there is FANG GIRL……. Oh yes…… Madison.   First thing he says to her when they sit down for some one on one time is “Are you wearing FANGS?” ha ha …  Brad says she has a sexy unique look but “the girl has fangs, okay… okay … if that’s her deal, great, if it’s a joke, get rid of it… I’m not here to play games.”   He asks he point blank if she wants to be here, and she says she does.   She says she Bdoesn’t want to mess around and then Brad goes “that’s good, cuz the fangs are really really hot…” 

Then he had some one on one time with Michelle…  not before she got some time bitching about Fang Girl.  But she let’s Brad know that she has a 5 ½ year old little girl name Briell (sp?) … 

ASHLEY S GETS THE FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE ……….. 

The girls who get ROSES:

Ashley S (first impression Rose) – Michelle – Kimberly – Madison – Emily – Raichael – Keltie – Ashley H – Meghan – Lisa M – Lindsay – Alli – Sarah P – Marissa – Britt – Stacey – Shawntel N – Jackie – Melissa – Chantel O

Those who got eliminated:

I’m sad to see some of the girls go, but he can’t keep everyone!

I guess my top 3 picks are:

Ashley S, Emily & Michelle 

I was shocked to see Madison stay – but she’ll make good TV….

Of course the sneak peek into the season looks ………… interesting ….. for … sure…..  CAT FIGHT!!

He was 15 once....

Here is the proof, that I will look at later down the road, the proof that I will always hold dear, that my son was once 15...........

 Mister Nathan ....

 Mister Kaedyn....

 The cake...

 Me and my Hunky ...

 LOL.... he looks pained to be forced to hold his cake....

 "Mom, really?  Do we have to!"  YES YES WE DO!  How dare you deny your mom the small pleasures in life..... to which his sick mind went to the gutter and he goes "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM"

 Nathan hasn't seen UP ...... lol...

 Lets have Cake, and EAT it too!

Happy Birthday My Boy ...

Today you turned 15 ........

Happy Birthday Calahan ... 

15 ... He's turning 15 ...

15 years ago, I was huge ... I had this massive sized watermelon belly ...  I was excited and terrified.   When I got pregnant with him, I suffered a miscarriage, and a month later I found out I was at least 8 weeks pregnant, it had been his twin I had lost.. which had been heartbreaking for me, because I suffered in silence, I didn't really tell anyone.  But the pregnancy symptoms never went away and when I went in I found out I was still pregnant, I was heartbroken all over again, and thrilled.  His Dad and I were already engaged, and our wedding was just a little over a month away by the time I found out he had hung on while I miscarried his twin.  A month later, I started cramping really bad, and I remember how I was absolutely terrified that I was going to lose the baby.  It was about 2 in the morning and I called my mom crying, she told me to call the DR and call her back, when I told her the DRs wanted me to lay on my side and just stay laying down, she said she'd come sit with me, bring me some 7-up... 7-up, our answer to make anyone feel better... lol...  luckily by the time my ex-husband got home from work, the cramps had stopped. The day I married his Dad, I was 12 weeks pregnant, and we had just heard the heartbeat for the first time the day before.  I was absolutely CONVINCED already, it was a girl.  We hadn't told his family yet, however, some of my family decided to talk about it at the wedding, making things slightly awkward.

It's me on my wedding day ......... with my husband........ Dr. Pepper....Dr. Pepper being my husband, not the actual guy I married (ha ha ha)

I was so sick with him, my blood pressure was spiking higher then what my DR wanted, I was told I was border-line Pre-Eclampsic through most of my pregnancy.   All I remember thinking was, in the face of my heartbreak, maybe it was a good thing I didn't carry both the babies, I actually wondered if it would have killed me.  It probably wouldn't have, however....  it felt like it at the time.

9 months hit and ..... my water was leaking (not according to the DRs though) ... and I was having a lot of contractions but nothing that did a whole lot... but everytime I went into the hospital ... they...sent...me...home....

Notice the hospital bracelet adoring my lovely wrist!  Then my Christmas Day due date came and went... and I was still pregnant come new years.  I was NOT a happy camper come New Years ... let me tell you!   January 4th I went in for an ultrasound and found out that there was little to no water surrounding the baby and they wanted to induce that night.   So I ended up getting in at 6pm and I was having contractions, but they were barely there.  They put in a suppository to "ripen" my cervix and my contractions REALLY started.  They never did put any pitocin in the IV drip.  I labored until about 2am... it was then, that sitting in the chair I managed to close my eyes for 45 minutes.  Towards the end of it, I was in that half wake/half sleep ... and I remember hearing the nurse come in and check the tape from the monitor.... and she said "her contractions stopped, we'll let her rest and induce her in the morning" ..... and I went back to sleep.  My mom says, it was then that my ex-husband and his mother decided to take a walk, and they couldn't have been to the elevator when my eyes SHOT wide open  and the contractions started to rip holes in my body from the inside out, I remember the pain being out of comprehension, I went into instant shock, started shaking uncontrollably and I start throwing up with every contraction...  ...  At 6am, 12 hours after getting there, I was 9 cm and ready to PUSH my guts out.  At least...... that's ... what it ... felt... like...

But after 2 hours of pushing..... there was the announcement ...... "IT'S A BOY!!"  and I thought...... OMG, put it back, I wanted a girl...........

Seriously, that's what I thought............

But then I saw this..........

And there was no way I could put him down.  Ever....

I was 19 years old, and a new Mom.  Little did I know that my happy family wasn't as happy as I thought.  We were two very young kids trying to figure out what to do with a baby of our own.  I was happy though, I love being a Mom, but I'm afraid that my ex-husband wasn't as ready as I was.   But that little boy, he was my world!!

He met all his milestones on time and other then some major fussiness in the beginning and my having gallstones, and needing surgery when he was about 6 months old.  And then, his Dad got REAL sick when he was 6 months old.  But "Joey" and I kept right on trucking.

Then my lil man turned one years old.... 

 And then 2 ...

When he was two years old, we had a major leukemia scare.  I'll never forget the horror I felt when that phone call came.  The helplessness that overtook me during his bone-marrow testing...   everything turned out well, but apparently, it was foreshadowing things to come with his brothers....

He turned 3 and got his first little girlfriend ... 

4 years old got tough, he started to show huge aggression and was diagnosed with ADHD ...  it was hard watching the compassionate little boy that I knew and love be completely unable to control his emotions or his actions.  Luckily ... we found some meds to help - and I was VERY VERY anti-medication.

Calahan started growing up at 5, becoming such a little man.... you could see his personality come through ..

At age 6, he got his wish .... he wanted to be a big brother since he was 2 and finally, he was.  Though, he wanted a little sister, he got his Noah... in a very very tiny package.

At 7, the Vikings fan rang true in his heart - and he would hear nothing else!

At 8 he was the TOP SELLER in Boy Scouts for popcorn, selling well over $1000 worth ...

At 9 ... I realized, he was REALLY growing up and around the corner, he'd be 16!

At 10 ... he became my hero!  His Dad and I had been split up and he stepped up and helped me take care of little Noah ...  that year, at the end of the year, he got a new Step-Dad .....

And the next year, at 11 ... he became a brother again. 

And at 12, he got ANOTHER brother!!

At 13 ... he broke his arm, and he is rather proud of it (now anyway!)

And 14 .... we moved to Washington ............

And now........ my baby boy is turning 15.  It's the last year that I can truly hold the reigns that he's so desperately trying to get to relax.  He'll learn to drive this year........ and next year, he can get a job.  Next year he'll be driving.  Next year, he won't be my little boy anymore, by any means.

So Calahan, just remember....... slow down.  Take a breath.  Enjoy your last years of being a "kid" and don't rush into the responsibilities of adulthood.  Go to college, join the Greek System... have fun, be a little stupid but smart enough to stay out of trouble.  Always protect yourself when it comes to girls, especially over your heart, at least until one breaks the shell.  You are a trusting soul, not everyone is as good hearted at you are, you will get hurt, you will get angry... but remember, you learn from everything that happens.  Always trust your Mom, love your step-dad because he loves you.  Be nice to everyone around you, because no matter how crappy they are to you, you can be the better person.  School sucks, but you'll understand someday, these will be the days you will enjoy the most, carefree and happy with friends.  Highschool is tough, but you'll fondly remember it, even if it wasn't so good.  And ALWAYS REMEMBER ..... girls will come and go, but your family loves you like no one else can. 




Calahan on his 15th Birthday......