So now that I've rambled on .... and on ...... a couple things have been happening that is making me reconsider homeschooling again. When homeschooling, I have a hard time managing time and such. I'm not super structured .... and I feel like I don't do a good job - but I love doing it. I love teaching the kids stuff, I enjoy watching the kids doing things that they don't even realize is learning .... for example, Monkey is already doing math at age 3. A lot of kids do this, I know - but it's been a long time since I've had a "normal" child....
So let me start by saying with Cal's history of bullying, it's hard for me to have any sort of patients with schools. When we moved here, we were going to give the kids the option to either try the schools here or homeschool. They both decided, Cal with a lot of reservation, to try the schools here. It has been a great thing for Calahan - he's made some good friends and has a girlfriend (who is a sweetheart) .... and it's just been good for him in the social aspect .... academically - not so much. He is failing all of his classes right now, and has been. He struggles with work. He has a documented learning disability and has an IEP ... and I've recently learned that even with his IEP - the teachers have NOT been following it. He has a hard time asking for help - he wants to get it on his own and I just can't seem to convince him that it is okay to ask. His DR questions if his meds are to blame, he's on a super high dose of ADHD meds and is still struggling a lot. HE DOES TRY .... yes, we have issues with him getting his work done - he lies about not having homework sometimes.... and again, I have asked that the teachers email me and let me know if there is homework, but they only seem to email me when he's in danger of getting an F for the semester ... when it's practically too late. I just wish it was easier for him.
So I just needed to put all that out there before I got to the scary stuff.
Back in January - there was a body found near the highschool that Moody Teen goes to. Really, we're talking basically across the street from the highschool. The kids were briefed on it because there was still a strong police presence when the kids were heading to school the morning after the body was found. They quickly started to link the stabbing death of a 19 year old girl with that of the death of the 81 year old woman across from the highschool. along with the stabbing attack of a man, who almost lost his life, a month after the 19 year old was murdered. Once they started to connect these cases they handed out a sketch of the "person of interest" to all the highschool students.
Then I started looking at the map in the following article .... FBI has joined in on this also which makes us really think it's a serial thing... anyway ....
If this wasn't enough to make me reconsider homeschooling ..... lets throw a school shooting at Noah's school into the mix!
On Feb. 22 .... I woke up to my alarm at 5:30, I staggered to Cal's door, got him up for school, went back to bed, my head was killing me. Migraine. 7:20 my alarm goes off for Noah, I never woke up. I wake up shortly after 8, his bus comes at 8:10 ... I tried to move ... but I was just hurting so much that it didn't work out well. By the time I got out to the living room, his bus was outside, and there was no way I was going to get him to school. So ....... he didn't go.
Divine intervention?
Later that afternoon we kept hearing helicopters going over our apartment. When our friend took Dennis to his therapy appointment, we got word there had been a school shooting at Noah's school. I freaked out - my child was safe in my home - and I was experiencing anxiety about it ... We started watching the live news reports .... found out it happened in a 3rd Grade classroom - a 9 year old little boy shot an 8 year old little girl ..... Noah and Cal were watching with me, Calahan was going off on how this shouldn't happen and Noah's not safe, he's obviously upset and scared - he likes to put on this tough bad-ass don't mess with me exterior but he's a teddy bear inside. He's worried for his brother. Noah, he didn't understand. He couldn't wrap his head around it all. Cal and I had to keep explaining to him what happened. I have been realizing - lately - that Noah doesn't comprehend stuff like everyone else. He doesn't process things well. He knew someone brought a gun to school, and a child got shot - but a few minutes later we had to go through it all over again, he just couldn't grasp it.
Originally - after the husband of the teacher was interviewed on live TV, I thought this shooting was done on purpose. From what the husband said - his wife saw the little boy take out the gun and put it up to the little girls stomach and shoot her. He went on to say how his wife had been having trouble with this student and had been talking about him at home, how he was troubled and how she wanted to help him but didn't know if she could. The picture it painted was horrible. As a parent, it was terrifying to think that a NINE YEAR OLD little boy could be capable of such a tragedy.
I was torn - I didn't want to send Noah to school the following day. Every mommy bone inside of me screamed NO! Other then this one little bone.... that said "What are you teaching him? That it's okay to not do something based on fear?" That stupid annoying little bone won. I sent him to school.
I was very tense. Then it broke that the shooting wasn't done on purpose - it was an accident. The gun never left his backpack, when he dropped it on his desk at the end of the school day .... the gun went off. At first I was all "I don't believe it" after hearing what the husband said. Then I started to think about it, and it's pretty obvious if the gun was in the backpack - there would be a hole.... and it's possible that in the craziness the teach may have processed something that didn't happen to explain what happened in her head - it happens.
We have been keeping track of Amina's progress. She's had a very hard time - but she WENT HOME a few days ago :) Her injuries were extensive .... and the bullet stopped right by her spine, where it still is. You can read more HERE about her near death fight....
So now that over a month has passed .... my thoughts turn to the little boy. Something had to have triggered this little boy to feel the need to take a gun AND a knife to school. Logically - I thought it had to be bullying involved - in which case, if that were the case, my heart breaks for him. I watched Calahan suffer through bullying for FOUR years - trying to let the school take care of it.... and I knew he was reaching that breaking point. Most school shootings are the result of kids feeling so out of control that they grasp for something that they CAN control and a way to stop their torment. Bullying is ridicules .... and I've come to the conclusion that schools that say they have a "zero tolerance policy" on bullying is bologna .... most the time the kids don't report it in fear it'll get worse, the teachers who see it tend to further victimize the kids who are being bullied by putting partial blame on them.
After the court released the little boys apology letter to the public, I knew he had to have been bullied.
"I'm sorry I hurt you because I brought a gun to school. I did not mean for any one to get hurt. I wish no one got hurt," the boy wrote. "I made a bad choice. I was scared and afraid, and I did not solve my problem well."
(Read more here) .... So I dug a little deeper online and found THIS ARTICLE ... and this INTERVIEW with the boys Uncle confirming the bullying. The parents of this boy gave up their rights, which was probably the best and only good parenting choice they ever made. However, while the boy was visiting the mother and her boyfriend ... he found and took the gun. It wasn't locked up, it was loaded, it was out in the open .... the mom is on probation and isn't suppose to even have a gun, but apparently that's just words on paper. So the Mom and the boyfriend have been charged also.
So I'm preparing to homeschool Noah next year. We put a stipulation on him - he has to listen to me about school work this summer, and if he does do well for the "trial" this summer, he will be homeschooling this next year. He will be going into 5th Grade, and is at a 1st/2nd Grade level. I have asked repeatedly for them to hold him back, and they refuse stating it's better for him to continue with his peers. How is it better for a child to be pulled out of class for most of the day - to feel excluded in learning when he IS in the classroom because things are to advanced for him .... When things are too hard for him, he pulls out a folder of worksheets he has in his desk and works on those.... which is WONDERFUL that he's self motivated like that - but this whole situation breaks my heart. Right now, he FEELS stupid. I found out that they won't hold him back because this school district has a policy saying they won't do that.
Calahan wants to homeschool or do online schooling .... so we're looking into it. Something has to change for him. He's going to be going through some new testing for both his meds and to see if there is more to his learning disabilities then what we know. Something has to give for him. He's a smart kid. This isn't just because he's lazy....
So now....... it might be time for me to re-open my homeschooling blog (which I just hid) ...
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