HAPPY 2019!!! And Goals....

 So I teeter between the philosophy of ...

WHY ONLY MAKE RESOLUTIONS ON THE FIRST OF EVERY YEAR?  If you are really committed to them, why not any other time of the year?

and ...

WHY NOT?

So I tend to call them "goals" instead of resolutions .....  and it's good to start a year with a list of goals?  Right? 

RIGHT!!!  Just agree with me, it's easier .... just ask my husband. 

These were my GOALS for 2018.....   after, in red, I'll admit to how I did (or we did) .... 

#1: Keep the streak going of keeping Nathan non-admitted! We are 2 1/2 years out from him being in the hospital for any kind of hospital stay, this includes for surgery.  Which is AMAZING.  We're going to keep this up and keep this kid healthy!  We made it 3 years and a couple months, because Nathan had to have surgery this fall to remove baby teeth, fix some teeth, and to do a gum graph prior to him getting braces. While he didn't get SICK and be in the hospital - it was still a hospital stay.  We're also not starting a new countdown because we know he has another surgery coming up - if he doesn't stay over night from that one, we'll start the countdown up from the last one.  LOL 

#2: I want DB and I to really make more time for him and I.  A monthly date.  Really need it.  It would be amazing if we could really make this happen.  I'm going to start keeping track of it and trying to set one day a month aside for just him and I...  Frankly we just couldn't afford it and probably can't afford it this year either.  BUT it is something we really want to do and need to make time and effort to make a priority.  Sadly it's just not a priority over rent, bills, food on the table, and the health needs of the household..... so yeah....  

#3: I want read at least 12 books this year.  That's one a month.  I don't get a lot of time to read, and I've been making it more of a point to really get back into reading. I set this up for two a month plus two last year and I think I read 3 books total all year.  You'd think I would have easily made this happen.  Oye.  This is sad and I don't even want to admit this .... but........ I read ONE book the whole year.  And it was a book I started reading in the summer of 2017.  Yeah.  That's pretty effing bad.  I used to read a book a week and now it's just like ... I got so much on my plate and so much that I'm doing and I all ....... :::sigh:::  I want to read.  It's like trying to find the money to carve out for dates! LOL 

#4: Polish the book that was finished, and figure out what I want to do with it.  Still need to do this...  NEED to make this happen.  I did't ....  I don't even think I've really looked at that book since I finished it.  Horrible author I am.  I am no good at polishing .... I need someone to do it for me. 

#5: Be part of the #365Project of sharing at least one photo a day.  I'm doing it on Facebook and Instagram (and Twitter because Instagram posts to my Twitter.)  I think I'll add it to my Google+ too. (I'll have to catch up there though) .... I still want to do this.  I really do, just one year I want to do this.  BWAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAA .... nope, fail, big fat ugly fail..

#6: I REALLY want to write at least one blog a day. I know I have said this the past couple of years, and I fully intend to, but then life runs away and ... ugh.  I stop.  But blogging is literally my main form of therapy.  I have to purge my feelings.  My blog isn't a "working" blog.  It's not about making money, it's JUST about sharing my life and being able to look back on my blog for the memories.  If you happen to follow along, great!  I know this is probably unrealistic ... especially after coming off of such a bad year of blogging.  So..... I am going to call this a success if I can blog 15 days a month.  That would be a starting point.  I do .... I do want to write ONE NEW BLOG A DAY ... across any of my blogs.  Won't happen though....  nope.  I need to accept this fact....  

#7:Make new friends.  Um........ I guess I've done this?  

#8: Need to get some of my health issues more under control, maybe if I do that - I'll feel a lot better over all and I want to continue this!  I am about the same, maybe a smidge worse..... 

#9: Lose weight.  I was under 200lbs and now I'm over again, I hate it.  Thank you insulin!  I want to lose it again.  I still want to lose weight - so I'm hoping we can do a YMCA membership, this would be good for everyone. Definitely ALWAYS a goal.... 

#10: We need to do family game night and family movie night more often.  We've fallen out of practice.  I would like to see us doing both once a week, but I'd settle for one or the other each week.   Yes we do and we made it a few nights last year but not a regular thing.  This year, we're going to make it regular <3 

#1: Spending more time as a family.  If this be family movie night or family game night or getting out and doing some exploring as a family, even if it's free or only costs gas and lunch....  we're going to do things as a family.  PERIOD.

#2: I want DB and I to really make more time for him and I.  A monthly date.  Really need it.  It would be amazing if we could really make this happen.  I'm going to start keeping track of it and trying to set one day a month aside for just him and I...  Even if this is one night that we just have a SAH-Date .... (stay-at-home date) ...  it's hard to do with him being in college and all the boys and MEH but ..... I don't want us to suffer. 

#3: I want read at least 12 books this year.  That's one a month.  This is an amazing want.  And it's true, I DO want to read more.  But I'm going to decrease this and say .... I want to read TWO books this year, and if I read more, GREAT!  (Children's -elementary- books don't count)

#4: Really work hard on the current book! I'm currently starting chapter 10 and I would REALLY love to have this one done by the end of the year.  I am really proud of this one and honestly, this is the FIRST book I've ever actually been proud of. 

#5: Start to meditate and maybe start yoga.  Something I can do by myself, on my bed ..... or find a spot on the floor. 

#6: I REALLY want to write something every day.  It can be a blog, notes in my writers journal, the book, or a insightful FB post, I want to write SOMETHING each day .... 

#7:Make new friends.  This is always a good goal ....

#8: Need to get some of my health issues more under control .... and be more active.

#9: Lose weight.  I was under 200lbs and now I'm over again, I hate it.  Thank you insulin!  I want to lose it again.  I still want to lose weight - so I'm hoping we can do a YMCA membership, this would be good for everyone. Definitely ALWAYS a goal....

#10:  Wanderlust .......... kinda addressed this one in the first goal.  But this one is a little different.  I want to go on a family adventure once a month, which could be local and free .....  but I want to take one weekend, anytime through the year, and spend a weekend, not at home, with my husband and just my husband.  Just one get-away... just the two of us.  <3

Most of them are the same as 2018 ....  but there are some changes!  <3

We didn't do much, and this year I didn't do the annual drunk kids photos ....  this was the first year they all stayed up past midnight...   and we could hear the fireworks going off in Seattle at the Space Needle.... 

We literally just had a very low key night.  We had spaghetti for dinner ....  (or "Noodles & Sauce" as we call it.) ....

I pet battled the night away .....

Got my midnight kiss!!!

And that was pretty much it!  <3 

So from our family to yours.......... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

I WILL DO THIS! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving....

Okay - I get it - I suck at blogging this year.  I own it.... I admit it ..... got into the habit of doing it again for a WHOLE MONTH ... and then ........

............................ BAM.............

............................................ she drops off the face of the Earth.

I have to say, life has been VERY crazy the last few months.  Crazy and chaotic ... but leading to times with a much better energy and calmer family time.....  which in the long run is amazing...

Plus!  My son is going to be MUCH happier .... and that is the best part.

...... If you follow me, you know generally what's been going on.  The short of it is this.... 

My son Calahan was dating Elly's mom .... for over a year.  However, she "cheated" on him early on.  She was talking to her friend for hours, complaining about Cal to him, and any time he would try to talk to her about it, and how uncomfortable it made him -  she would belittle him.  Then she started to belittle him a lot ....  calling him dumb, stupid, telling him he wouldn't succeed at anything, he's a failure, etc and so on.  I would talk to her about this, ask her how it would feel if Cal would say that to her.  I would also talk to Calahan about it and he would push it off.  "I don't want to talk about it." and he would just avoid it.  I know the behavior.  I was the behavior with his biological father.  It's an abusive relationship no matter how you look at it.

It was abuse. But we know she had been abused herself and that's why she was doing it to other people.  It's a hard thing to change when it's pretty much embedded in you from your first breath. 

Then came the secrets.  Cal never keeps secrets from me.  He rarely lies to me, especially as an adult.  Other than telling me he'll get some chore done and not do it.  That's an unintentional lie though.

I'd have talks with Cal, telling him that she's not building him up and supporting him despite the support and building up he did for her.  The girl could do nothing wrong in his eyes.  I would sit down and lay stuff out for Cal and I'd get so angry.  I had proof of things I was saying. 

So at some point you have to realize that you are doing more damage by pushing it and it's causing a wedge between us.  So I stopped.   And waited. 

Whenever she did these things, and I would hear it, I'd talk to her.  But a lot went on behind closed doors.  Cal got secretive ...

I mean these kids are young.  I'd try to use them as teaching moments.  ::: sigh :::

Regardless ....  after 14 months of dating .... she FINALLY broke up with him (because he wasn't going to do it...)

Just as she does this, she ......

Actually let me back up a second.   Elly, my granddaughter, Shila and Kale's daughter....  (yes, let's have the Jerry Springer moment....  Shila and Kale (my adoptive son) were together for 3 years.  (She says 5 but she's wrong, they got together summer of 2014, got pregnant with Elly Dec of 2014, had Elly Aug. 2015, and then broke up Aug 2017.) .... when Kale and Shila broke up, Shila went to Cal (my oldest biological son.) 

So .... fast forward through a whole lot of drama....  after a year and two months, him standing by her as she cheated on him (kissing and who knows what else with one guy early on, and then from August to November spending her weekends with another guy other than Cal - and I mean EVERY weekend from morning until late at night ... and telling Cal that they are just friends (her and the guy) .... but this guy is buying her pretty much anything she deems "she needs" and taking her out ALL the time.... and then was after her trying to become affectionate with our friend who makes a lot of money and makes sure his four kids is taken care of...) .....

Things finally come to an end with Cal and Shila....

Oh and Shila's 5 year old daughter (Claire-bear) ratted out Mommy saying that Mommy was kissing the guy who took them trick or treating ....  yep.   Clairah's Daddy was concerned because Clairah was confused and wondering why Mommy wasn't with Cal. 

Anyway .... 

Shila and Kale have been in the middle of a nasty bit of CPS drama.  I am not going to get into the reasons, who did or said what, and whatever else.  It's not just my life and my family .... 

So .... back in August - CPS wanted Elly to be placed in a safe, clean home environment and not be bounced around from here to there to anywhere.  Originally it was set up so that DB and I were going to be signed over temporary custody ...  and she was going to come live with us.  But that didn't happen, just live in an apartment and couldn't swing it.  So then the next best thing was going over to Nana & Papa's (my mom & dad's) and so Shila and Elly both went over ....

To make the transition easier on Elly, Shila went with .... because it wasn't with someone she was 100% established with and knew well (DB & I) .... she knows Nana & Papa of course, but not well enough to be thrown at them .... NOW she  knows them really well...

Well it was understood - by Shila - that there were rules to follow.  Moving in with my mom & dad would mean that Elly would likely go without anything and would - truly - be spoiled ... 

Shila needed to focus on herself and making her life and Elly's life better.  She needed to do everything CPS said.  She would clean the house for "room and board" and she had to adhere to CPS' rules.  Plus they needed to be in bed at a decent time, Shila was starting school, Elly was starting school, etc and so on....

Elly was doing really well with Nana and Papa and Momma, well, she doesn't like rules, so she started doing things like - lying, saying she was going to be home at a certain time and not following through (when Nana and Papa were watching Elly) ... and then came the night where she went to her sisters, and low and behold.... didn't come back until well after she was supposed to be home, and this was right after CPS had made a surprise visit and told her that they were taking Elly.   So they pulled in, her dumb boyfriend got "scared" because Papa was waiting to tell the dumb boyfriend that he was no longer welcome on his property ... and they took off, with Elly. 

Elly was placed in that home, not supposed to be spending the night anywhere else.   (This btw, wasn't the only thing like this that happened, not to mention she was taking Elly someplace she was told she was absolutely was NOT supposed to take her...) .... 

Cops were called, CPS couldn't be gotten ahold of...  so the cops let Elly go with Shila and the following day, Shila came with three guys no one knew to get hers and Elly's stuff.... well most of it.  Shila left all of Clairah's clothes though, which I guess said a lot about Shila and Clairah - also - because she was already showing lack of interest with spending time with her, since every time she needed to be reminded to call her daughter, to touch base, to see when she could see her ...  and none of it seemed to phase her.  Not talk or see your daughter for months, no biggy.  Didn't seem to phase her one bit either way. 

So .... smh ....  Shila won that battle, but she took Elly away from the house where Elly was placed by CPS and needed to stay, and Shila could leave, but Elly was supposed to stay and that was made clear to Shila and she didn't seem to realize the ramifications this would have.  Plus CPS already said they were going to remove Elly from Shila's care.

SO.... Shila left the county with an active CPS case, with a child she had already been told they were going to remove from her care. 

Six days later, Shila got a phone call from the CPS Case Manager telling her that the courts were taking Elly from her custody, and that she better be at the CPS office in the county we live, by 4pm or they were going to her, and Shila would be arrested.

So ... after a stressful day, Shila showed up at CPS at about 6pm (TWO HOURS LATE!) and Elly was handed over to Nana and Papa where she now lives, who now have custody of her (currently) where she has her own room and is spoiled to the bone. 

At this point, I won't share anymore going on with CPS in regards with Elly.  Other than to say that they are involved and the courts are beyond involved.  And there is actually - currently - more than ONE case going on .... 

I have to say though, I was pretty stressed and worried because - I was just worried about Elly.  So there were several nights I didn't actually sleep. 

But we had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  How could we not knowing that Elly was safe and being taken care of .... 

Here are our pictures of our Thanksgiving #1 ... with my Mom, Dad and Elly .... and the four boys, DB and I .... oh and the dogs... LOL... but I didn't get a pic of the dogs....

I even dressed up and put on jewelry (which I rarely do)

My hubby and I before we left.... (yes he has his chef's coat on) ....

Mr. Noah ... and his really big book....

My boys....

Miss Elly in her FAVORITE boots!!  LOL ....  I adore this girl.

Nonna and Elly ....

We had great food.... ham, deep fried turkey, scalloped corn, baked squash, stuffing, mashed tators & gravy, apple salad ...  and more ... like pumpkin pie and all that fun stuff...

Mr. Nathan....

Calahan and Elly, she's such a lucky little girl to have two great Daddies who love her sooooo much, and two Mommies too ....  and hopefully Elly isn't going to be the on who pays for the mess that is going on ....  I know Cal was really hurt and confused and felt like he couldn't be Elly's "Daddy" anymore but that's not going to change.... 

But boy, I was thankful for coming home and enjoying some quiet and solitude.. lol.... 

So as we say goodbye to November, and I failed NoBloPoMo for yet another year ....  I am very thankful that this month is ending the way it is.  A couple more years and my family will be in a really good place, DB will be done with his degree and hopefully soon after that - getting all our ducks in a row, and then hopefully buying our own house or at least renting a bigger one. 

I have high hopes for things looking up and bright in December and making it through another month.  I'm going to try my best to work past my pain and become more active.  Slowly been gaining weight and I'm not okay with it..... so I do really want to work on that .... it's just hard with the Fibro Beast sitting on my shoulders every damn day .... 

But I love my family.  My whole family.  The dynamic may change sometimes, but it seems to stick to or come back to the same core.  DB, Me, the five boys (Cal, Noah, Nate, Kaed and Kale) ... and our little Princess Ellyanne.  Wish the older daughter was more a part of our family and of course continued resistance there. 

So goodbye November 2018 ...... 

And hello to December ....  may you be good to all of  us...   I plan on going out of this year, with a perfect December... ... which .... is probably .... unrealistic ....

Goodbye October .... Hello November ....

Yesterday was the last day of October, ol' Hallows Eve .... Allhalloween .... particularly the Gaelic festival Samhain...

Yes, Samhain is the Pagan Halloween, but it is the day that marks the end of harvest and the beginning of winter.  This is the just a day to mark the end of one thing, and the beginning of another season of life ....

Halloween is my favorite holiday, which is closely followed by Christmas.  I love the feeling of Christmas and it may just be the feeling I give myself, but there is true magic around Christmas... everyone is in a giving mood, there is more kindness and love for fellow people if you know them or not.  But that's still a little ways off... 

So this Halloween, well it didn't go as planned for me.  Halloween is absolutely my favorite holiday ... and we usually make plans for several days of activities...  this year there were things we wanted to go to on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and then on Halloween (nothing on Monday or Tuesday.)  Then we could just sit back and enjoy our beginning to the month of November...

Plans are funny.  You get one idea in your head and then they get dashed.  It's been happening to me a lot lately. 

I make plans, with the best of intentions to follow through, and then ....... BAM!  Nope, no sir, not gonna happen.... joke is on you ....  only the joke is on me... 

Thanks to Fibro, and my sucky ass immune system (Psoriasis, Fibro, CFS, Diabetes, etc and so on) ... I got some bug that one or both or all of the boys brought home and it kept kicking me ... I'd be seriously sick for a few days and then I'd get better only to turn around and get kicked in the gut again.  I was miserable, wanted to go to the hospital/ER several times, but didn't because I seriously could not even fathom the thought of sitting in the ER, upright in a chair, for hours waiting to be seen.  So I passed and figured I'd at least die in the comfort of my own bed.  Only I knew I wouldn't die.

So all the Halloween plans went out the window, including my favorite one of the Haunted Harbour down at Brownsville Marina.  No one but Kaedyn even wanted to do anything this year, and he's my little man who doesn't like to dress up.  He never has.  We've always tried to accommodate him with less intrusive costumes.  Sweatshirts that "transform" him - or a simple cape and hat with the promise he can hold Mommy's crystal ball... 

None of the other kids have had any problem dressing up, but Kaedyn has since he was three years old.  Seven years later, he still won't dress up.  He will watch paranormal shows, oddities, whatever ... but he just will not dress up.

And he was a bit excited to watch Insidious with us the other night, to watch a grown up scary movie, but less than an hour into it, he says to me....  "Mommy?"  yeah....  "I think this movie might be too scary for me..."  Poor boy.  So I sent him to bed, with a kiss and a hug, and the words that it was very much alright that he recognized that the movie just might be too much for him.  And he left happily.

But between the rain and my energy level, all the Halloween plans went straight out the window...  into a puddle.... where they promptly drowned .... it was a very sad death, indeed. 

But I wanted to make sure the boys had fun.  Got some goodies and all that fun marvelous stuff...

This is Nathan on Monday - his PJ wearing day ....

Dennis took me to eat lunch at Denny's ...

But we got the boys all buckets .... and we put a lot of stuff in them, fun stuff, and candy ....

Kaedyn went around the complex and then he came home and got his goodies. 

Nathan got his goodies, he loves his fox socks...

He changed into his new hooded dinosaur PJs ... they make him happy ....

 Mr. Noah ....

 Sir Calahan....

Elly went out with Daddy and Momma Brook tonight.  She's getting so old!  My Mom sent me off this pic before she left with Kale and Brook. 

 Here are some pics from their night taken by Brook and Kale's step-mom Cheri ... 

Shila went out with Clairah tonight ...   and she sent some pictures too....  Clairah's Kindergarten pictures...

And then my little Wonder Woman grandbaby...  she looks like she had a good time.

In the boys goodie buckets, they got these really cool "glow" balls...  Kaedyn's was green, Nate's blue and they were MAGICAL .......  I adore these photos ....

When DB and I got home, we watched the Ghost Adventures LIVE Halloween special, which they haven't done in ten years ...  so it was pretty amazing. 

"Resting Witch Face..."

And then I was screwing around...