Life Changes ....

This is NOT how I expected my 2019 to be.  This is not what I had pictured my life to be a year ago...  I never expected to be a single mom again ...  like where the hell did my life turn and head down this road and one that I seemingly had ZERO control over....  

Let's discuss some numbers..... 

I have 74 "drafts" of blogs I intended to write, that I got partially done... and never finished.  Most of them because I got busy and never got back to it.... 

In a matter of 47 days I went from being "happily" married .... to seperated and on my own.... honestly, it was more like two weeks but.... yeah ...  because he slept in the living room and I knew he was leaving... .

It's been 47 days since he left ..... 

It's been 29 days since I left the apartment we shared, and moved back in with my mom because I cannot afford to live here on my own with the four kids....  hell I probably couldn't live by myself in WI right now either....  

It's been 95 days since my life changed with the words, "I'm not happy...."  followed by a few days later "I don't love you like a husband should." 

It's been one day since I finally changed my banner on my blog and took him out of it....  because... I'm a single mom now.  It's just me and the boys.  Me, the boys, my mom & dad, and our combined zoo of animals!  LOL .....  

I have a lot of things to share, I will be sharing as I can....  

I am desperate to get back into blogging because it is truly my therapy and how I cope with things...  

Much love!! 

First Day-Venture of the Year!

Since we couldn't go yesterday, we ended up going today ... to Port Gamble and Point No Point.  No regrets, but probably not the best idea considering out by the water things are colder, and windy ....

Well, today was COOOOOOLDER and WINDY and whipped right into the fibers of every layer you had on....  but the water was pretty, and we managed to have some fun....

Nana and Papa had an appt and we ended up swinging by to pick up Miss El.  She was super excited ... she misses us a lot, she has lived with us for most of her life and so we represent home...  so she's always asking to go home with us.  It breaks my heart when I have to tell her no (because there is a hard and heavy CPS case going on right now with her parents, not with us - just want to make that clear.  Currently my Mom & Step-Dad have custody of her.  Because of things that have happened, she's only allowed to be at my Mom & Step-Dad's to sleep and most of the time.)

So anyway ....

It was Popi (DB), Nonna (me), Cal & Tina, and Elly.   This was supposed to be our big first outing of the year as a family, but Noah hasn't been feeling well at all, and Kaedyn was up ALL NIGHT (thank you insomnia) and Nathan was - I think, at best - up and down all night....

So we decided to let them all stay home to sleep.  Noah knew ...  the boys, not so much.   Kaedyn was ANGRY when he woke up and found out we left without him.  I was all - you didn't fall asleep until 6 AM!!

But it was.... what it was.  We had fun ... and for the full pictures, go check out our Adventures Blog, which is still a huge work in progress, but it's progressing... lol....

PORT GAMBLE IN WINTER

Here are a few of my favorite pictures of the day .....

These are the mountains (Olympic Mountains) as we were going out of town ....

My favorite place in Port Gambvle....   the Walker-Ames House... 

Inside the General Store, the second floor is a bit of a show-and-tell area with various neat things...  this is Elly looking down to the first floor (the store area) and watching people.  To me, she looks just .... older in this picture.  She looks like she's five or something.... ugh....

I had a Chewbaca sighting!!!!

Elly outside watching the water.... 

I adore this photo of her (below)

Tina and I....

We (or at least I) considered not going out to Point No Point because of how bone chilling the wind was. But I'm glad we did ....  I'm always glad ... LOL...

You can also read and see more on my Adventures Blog ....

POINT NO POINT IN WINTER

Cal & Tina

Point No Point

A tired Elly .... lol... 

And then to close off the night, there was of course the Super Blood Wolf Moon Lunar Eclipse... 

You can also read and see more on my Adventures Blog ....

SUPER BLOOD WOLF MOON LUNAR ECLIPSE

DB ... LOL...  he's such a ...  I love him... LOL... 

Today feels like......

(this went up on FB today .... because Cal was being compared to someone manipulative, mentally and emotionally abusive.)

In our lives we choose to be supportive and loving.

Calahan watched me come out of an abusive situation and in the end standing up for myself and standing strong against it. I was no longer going to be manipulated and broken down by words. I taught my kids to stand up for what and who they believe in and because they have brothers who have medical needs and "typical" kids don't always treat them like kids who are just like them. You feel like someone is bullied, you stand up for that person. I mean even Cal got bullied as a child, badly, at his schools and it's good to see him when he stands up for what he believes in or someone who he feels is being mistreated. He is very protective of those he loves. I also raised him to be a good man. He is very kind hearted and loving, and he's still young and still learning and we might get annoyed with his lack of focus sometimes, lol, he's forgetful on those chores.... but he tries hard, and he usually means well. I've taught him to be respectful and sometimes respectful flies out the window, just like with anyone.

Cal has had a few girlfriends. There are the early girls who lasted a few months ... the stolen kisses in the alleys. We move to WA and he has a girlfriend for a short time and then he met his high school sweetheart. They dated for 5 years and, he had asked her to marry him at her graduation, he had even gotten her dad's permission to ask her. It was sweet. We worried though, because she had a very over protective family and they didn't get to see each other often. And slowly things began to change and things ended. Then there was ..... she who shant be named .... and her verbally and mental abuse of Cal, even some physical abuse... but it's like... I saw it and I got so mad, she was cheating on him and I had proof and he still believed her.... and I got so frustrated until I stepped back and looked at him and realized, I could get mad all I wanted and it wasn't going to change a thing. So I stepped back and looked at the situation ... and realized the only thing I was doing .... was losing my son and allowing her to win. So I started to remember he's an adult and he has the right to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. So I focused on supporting him. We'd talk about the various issues, but I tried not to get mad or let my anger about it show. I expressed my concerns and had to allow him to make his own choices.

What my son is NOT .... is abusive. What he is NOT is controlling. NOR is he comparable to someone who is.