Life Changes ....

This is NOT how I expected my 2019 to be.  This is not what I had pictured my life to be a year ago...  I never expected to be a single mom again ...  like where the hell did my life turn and head down this road and one that I seemingly had ZERO control over....  

Let's discuss some numbers..... 

I have 74 "drafts" of blogs I intended to write, that I got partially done... and never finished.  Most of them because I got busy and never got back to it.... 

In a matter of 47 days I went from being "happily" married .... to seperated and on my own.... honestly, it was more like two weeks but.... yeah ...  because he slept in the living room and I knew he was leaving... .

It's been 47 days since he left ..... 

It's been 29 days since I left the apartment we shared, and moved back in with my mom because I cannot afford to live here on my own with the four kids....  hell I probably couldn't live by myself in WI right now either....  

It's been 95 days since my life changed with the words, "I'm not happy...."  followed by a few days later "I don't love you like a husband should." 

It's been one day since I finally changed my banner on my blog and took him out of it....  because... I'm a single mom now.  It's just me and the boys.  Me, the boys, my mom & dad, and our combined zoo of animals!  LOL .....  

I have a lot of things to share, I will be sharing as I can....  

I am desperate to get back into blogging because it is truly my therapy and how I cope with things...  

Much love!! 

SAT-er-PAIN

I did not sleep well last night at all ... infact, I didn't sleep at all ....  I didn't actually get any sleep until about 5am or so ... then I slept for maybe 3 hours?  Then through out the day, it's been ....  nap for an hour here, nap for an hour there ... nap for five minutes and get woken up ..

So now that it's 5:30 PM .......  I'm finally A W A K E ..... :::sigh:::

Such is my life....  I mean, I get on a normal schedule and BAM.....

......... insomnia and pain .........

That sounds like a really bad alcoholic drink....  or a bad band .... not sure which ...

Yes Bartender.....  I'd like an INSOMNIA AND PAIN please... 

It looks pretty but instead of making you feel a little buzzed, it makes you ugly cry....

I wish I drank .... especially some days with my kids.  I wish I drank,  I especially wish I was a wine drinker ...  cuz, I'd love nothing more than to just sit back and be a wino .... I'm a classy girl! I wanna go to wine tastings and those painting and wine classes ...  lol .... ::sigh::

But I don't like wine, or beer, or alcohol ...  I can't stand that alcohol taste ....

.......... I don't even like coffee and I'm living in a coffee mecca ...  there is a Starbuck on every corner .... in every grocery store!

Anyway ..... I've had a rough day to say the least.  I haven't been feeling well and my hands (that have been bothering me for a long time have been REALLY bad today.

So naturally between naps I played on Snapchat ....

Ending with this picture of my bed demon ..... he'll stare at you all night long ....

There has been a lot of stuff going on the last month ...  besides the normal everyday stuffzzz .... but I just haven't been sure what all I want to share.  Now, I'm an open book - but this isn't exactly my story to tell either.  It effects my life, yes ....  but it's just less my story and as some point I have to respect that of my kids.

Fri-Nally!

So I got up this morning and took a shower ... I hate how over the last couple years my natural curls in my hair have literally disappeared...  grrrrr I miss my curls!

Today I just wanted to take it easy and try to relax and re-coup from the last could of days.   So Snapchat... lol... 

The pink hair below, is actually kinda cool ... my husband says no nose ring though ...  bahahahahahha

The best part of my day (<--- that's sarcasm) ... is when we got a call saying Nathan's surgery for Monday is canceled because Dr. C doesn't like that he's gained so little weight but ... ya....  besides the first year after the G-Tube - he didn't really GAIN weight - he goes up and down and up and down and since the G-Tube fell out, he's not been throwing up a lot, he has been eating more, he's always been more active ...  he's been HAPPIER .... 

And it just makes me a little mad that this surgery got canceled when his weight gain has been very little for the last couple years!  He's been dancing around the 45lb to 50lb range since April 2015 to this past fall - then when his tube falls out he finally seems to hit and surpass that 50lbs mark... 

.................. sooooooooo .......... yeah.   But whatever.  We didn't get the call until 5:30pm and we couldn't call the Dr to argue with him.  So yes, it would be much worse for Nathan to get the G-Tube stoma to get closed finally, after 6 months of it just being open with gauze over it, leaking...  much worse...   so let's leaving it open and leaking ... it's all good. 

::: sigh :::

Thuuuuuuuursday.....

Early morning TV watching... LOL ....

So today I had to take DB and Cal to the college, drop them off ... go and get Elly from Pre-School, go wait at my Mom's work so that I could give her Elly so that when she got off work they could make their WIC appt (Elly is done with school at 1pm, Mom was done with work at 1:30om and then had to be at WIC at 2pm) .... Then after dropping off Elly we went home, then went to get Cal, came back, then after an hour or so went and got DB ... Then we did some running and then came home and pretty much both died.... on the spot.... 

Anyway - here is Kaedyn walking Elly to the van after school.  She was so excited to see him - Nonna was chopped liver, it was all about her Bubba .... she adores this boy and he adores her....  only more so in smaller doses these days... LOL ....

In the van waiting for Nana to get done, Bubba was playing her videos to entertain her ....

I.is.bored.   So I Snapchat filter myself..... 

When I went to go pick up DB, this is what I saw at the end of our driveway ... what I was tryng to get was the way the sun was gleaming off the air carriers .... but couldn't see them through the trees.  You can definitely see the Bremerton Bottle Neck in full force though ...

So after getting back home, and dying - we were watching Celebrity Big Brother only I didn't realize that my cat was the true star of the show!!! 

This I just love... LOL...  Alyvia and the moon (on TV)

And then here is Joy in front of my computer monitor ..... 

But seriously .....  active and my fibro are like oil and water - they won't mix. 

Off to Seattle We Go ....

We left crazy early in the morning ... Nana and Elly took us over to Seattle for Nathan Pre-Op appointment ...

I adore being by the water.  LOVE it...  I am a true Cancer and I love to watch the water...  I have no issues being on the water.  I love it. 

(These were taken while waiting for the Kingston/Edmond's ferry .... )

'

We got to Children's and took a potty break before heading to the appointment .... I hung out with the Muskrats, I mean Rugrats....

We got taken back... Nathan is 52.9 lbs and 4ft 1.8 in.  (He was 52.3lbs and 4ft 1.7in on December 20th, the appt prior to that on December 7th ... he was 4 ft and a half an inch and 52lbs ...)  He doesn't gain well, but he never has...  however he IS gaining still ...

Nathan's not crying or upset, he's bored... LOL ... and trying to stay away from Elly because she annoys him for the most part.  He doesn't know how to handle her screaming or her touching him with his Autism and sensory issues.... 

We got slated for Monday - to get the blasted G-Tube site closed - FINALLY.  It's only been a big hole open in his belly for 6 months now...   YAY...  and it'll be our very first outpatient surgery! No overnight (or three) in the hospital!

On the way home when we were on the ferry  .... 

Katie found her way up on top of the highest point in my room (she's like an inch if even from the ceiling ...) ...  and then Joy copied....

I came home and just kinda crashed .... got a long day tomorrow too - but doesn't start AS early as today .... 

I Got A Lot Done Today...

I got some blogs caught up on, I edited pictures, I did some calendar stuffz ....  I did a lot!! I caught up on some TV and some downloading...  I still have to finish setting up my Etsy shop though ...  but I will get'er'done.... 

HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. DAY .....

In other news .....   Celebrity Big Brother (US edition) started tonight ......  there was a post "confirmed" list (leaked) and then the actual list of house-guests.  I'm going to share both, 

1. Natalie - Eva Marie - WWE ✔
2. Tom Green
3. Lolo Jones (Olympics - Female Runner) 
4. Ryan Lochte - if you don't remember who he is - he's a Olympic Gold Medal Swimmer - the one who had the scandal the last Olympic Summer Games (in Rio) 
5. Kato Kaelin (Nicole Simpson's guest house guest when she was murdered) 
6. Tamar Braxton (Toni's sister) 
7. Joey Lawrence 
8. Dina Lohan ✔   
9. Jonathan Bennett ✔   (he hosts like Cake Wars, Cupcake Wars, Food Network stuff, and he was in a few movies back in the day - like Mean Girls) 
10. Kandi Burruss (Atlanta Housewives, I guess she wrote Scrubs for TLC) 
11. Ricky Williams - NFL 
12. Anthony Scaramucci ..... aka the "Mooch" and he worked for Trump in the White House but got fired for swearing

ONLY THREE OF WHICH were on the list.  Personally, I am a little disappointed that Johnny Banana's wasn't on it.  I would have been Team Bananas all the way!   Although - at the moment, I'm kinda Team Lochte  ....  although I am a Joey Lawrence fan (have been for a long long long :::coughBLOSSOMcough::: time....) ....  so who knows... Oh and I really like Natalie's hair! 

Other interesting TV coming up or on right now....

SMILEY FACE KILLERS: The Hunt For Justice :  I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!  I have been utterly fascinated with this theory for many many years because several of these boys died in Wisconsin and Minnesota and such, in my area ...  and I always thought it was no coincidence.  I'm kinda obsessed with this. 

ESCAPING THE MADHOUSE: The Nellie Bly Story : I'm interested - but haven't watched this yet.  It's going to be interesting.

THE MASKED SINGER :  I thought this show was going to be stupid and suck so bad, but I was curious .... very curious .... and who knew I would love it so much!  It's crazy!!   It's soooooooo good!!

THE LAKE ERIE MURDERS : This is interesting ....  mostly a collection of mysteries taking place on, in, around Lake Erie ...  and I'm a sucker for the Great Lakes because it's where I grew up. 

ROBERT DURST: An ID Murder Mystery : Yeah, I need to know more about this psycho for sure!

SISTER WIVES : is returning ...  this season seems like it's going to be very very rocky .... 

RUBY HERRING MYSTERIES  : this recorded last night (one of the new series of Mystery Movies on  Hallmark Movies & Mysteries ... I'm looking forward to watching it but I haven't gotten a chance to yet.  ALSO there is another one coming with Lacey Chabert (LOVE!) and her All My Heart co-star Brennan Elliott ...  called The Crossword Mysteries, and I am REALLY REALLY excited for that...

EMMA FIELDING MYSTERIES: More Bitter Than Death :  This was supposed to air on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries on January 13th, but then it didn't...  I got a re-run episode (movie) of Hailey Dean....  and I was all like....  WTELF .... (what the ever loving fuck)  now, apparently, it's going to air February 10th ...  just to put it out there...  if you were expecting it the 13th... bad news, it didn't air... good news, we get to wait longer and it's coming ...  but at least it's coming and it's going to air...