It's all about Nathan...

I was so touched tonight (last night) ... by a YOUTUBE video called 99 Balloons. It is a story about a little boy named Eliot... one who thrived despite his Trisomy 18 diagnosis... and gave his parents 99 days of pure joy.

I was sitting here, on my laptop crying... when Noah came up to me... just on my nerves tonight because he - by 10 pm - had not gotten his PJs on... saying he "can't" ... his leg hurts ... I really discourage Noah from saying he "can't" do anything...

Because he can... he is here, he is alive, he can do ANYTHING he puts his little heart to...

Although, he is way too use to having me wait on him hand and foot ... although I really don't, I do in ways...

The second that Noah gets an unusual cough or cold, or fever, I'm starting to flip out... trying not to panic... "I want to sleep upstairs" he says... "Okay" I quickly give in because, I want to, need to, keep an eye on him - must have him with in ear shot... the second I ignore it, he's vomiting all over his bed and crying, yelling for his Mommy...

I live with constant fear that I bury... and usually, I keep it buried very deep... so deep that I forget about it... until that unusual symptom pops up, and my heart and mind start to race...

Well, tonight, I watched Eliot's video several times... I listened to his Dad talk to him, I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of the miracle he is... to watch him grow and thrive ...

It touched my soul so deep, that it hurt...

Because I understand all too well...

And Noah was beside me... watching the "baby" on the computer screen... saying "That looks like Nathan" ... because like Eliot, Nathan had a feeding tube for what seemed like forever, but really wasn't... I kept telling Noah "that baby is like you" but he doesn't understand... he's 5 years old, he can't understand yet how special he is... all he knows is he gets a lot of attention... and too much of it from doctors lately...

It is awful when your child, at the age of 5 or younger, uses terms like IV and asking if they are going to take blood from him, insisting he has none left... and wanting to know why the DRs always hurt him...

But instead of Noah associating it with himself, he associates it with his little brother... and at the end, when the celebration of Eliot's 99 days comes... and Noah realizes that he was no longer alive.. but an angel... he says, "Nathan is okay, right?" ...

... and I just cry more...

I have 2 special needs children, 3 if you count Calahan's ADHD... lol.. but I have been honored with 2 true miracles...

I wondered what I would write about on here... what I would say, what my first post would be about.... and tonight, it came to me... do what I always do, and share Noah's story...

Touch some souls... honor who Noah is... share what a miracle can be...

As he sat next to me, watching another miracle on the computer screen... I looked at my son, grateful, and yet I mourned a child I never met, but was so happy that I learned of his story..