Welcome ICLW'ers :)

Hello and welcome to all ICLW'ers, newbies, or what not.  I figured I should put up a HELLO and a big THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!  This is my 2nd month on the ICLW link, and last month was very heartwarming for me, it brought back so many feelings that I had managed to bury for awhile. 

I am Annissa, I'm in my 30's and I'm married to Dennis.  We have a blended family.  I had two boys with in my first marriage (my older 2) and he had a little girl in a previous relationship... we added two more little boys of our own to the family.  Our kids are not treated any differently then the others, they are ALL our children together, loved equally and the same.  That's important to us, that they don't feel as if they are treated any different - and they don't. 

I struggled through infertility for most of my TTC years.  The short story version of it is that after getting pregnant with my oldest son, I miscarried - his twin - found out a month later I was still pregnant.  Started TTC shortly after he was born and 5 years later I was still fighting.  I'd had 4 additional miscarriages, and finally met a DR who listened to me (still see him to this day) ... and he started me on Clomid.  My first cycle of Clomid was 50mg and I didn't Ovulate.  My 2nd was 100mg and I did O but didn't conceive.  But the 3rd cycle I did conceive and after almost 6 years of struggling through secondary infertility, 5 miscarriages to that point, and a lot of heartbreak, my womb wasn't empty anymore.  We found out that Noah had a very rare genetic disorder while I was pregnant, and I was told he wouldn't live.  Well he did.  My ex and I TTC a 3rd child for a couple years after Noah - only haphazardly but I ended up having 5 more miscarriages in those couple of years.  Other then my first miscarriage, which was traumatizing, two of those miscarriages will always stick with me harder then the rest.  After bringing Noah home from the NICU, I apparently got pregnant.  Didn't know it until I was 10 weeks along.  Here I had this baby who wasn't even newborn weight yet .. and I was pregnant again?  At first I was crushed and for the first time in my life I didn't WANT to be pregnant, the guilt from that kills me still to this day, but it took about a half of a day for me to get excited about it.  We went in for an ultrasound, found out there was no heartbeat.  I was 11 to 12 weeks along when I miscarried the baby.  I managed to miscarry naturally (literally, contractions and pushing, though it was nothing compared to labor) ...  it was heartbreaking.  The other miscarriage would be the one I had on Clomid.  We had decided as a last stitch effort to try Clomid again and I got pregnant on my first cycle.  I found out New Years Eve that I was pregnant - so excited... and then...  I miscarried.  I had pee'd on a digital stick to get a picture for scrapbooking and it was negative.  After 5 HPT's all positive, and blood test to confirm... now all of a sudden, it wasn't coming up?  I tore apart that stick and it was stark white.  Then the spotting started...I went in for an hCG ... got news it was zero...    it was shortly after that miscarriage that my ex husband and I unraveled in big ways.  In 2005 we split up.  I started dating again in 2006 - had a m/c with an ex boyfriend ...  and then 1 with Dennis before we surprisingly got pregnant with Nathan on our own.  We weren't going to try to TTC until September, and on August 30th 2006 I found out I was pregnant.   After Nathan was born we decided to go ahead and try one more time, our last baby ...  went on Clomid for him and got pregnant the first month.  Countless charts, 13 miscarriages, 4 live births - two premature and both with major health issues.... I have been blessed with my 4 boys.... so blessed....

Other then being a Mom....I am a writer and I enjoy photography....but right now, mostly I am trying to take care of these boys...

You can learn more fun facts about me here .....Annissa's ABC's ....learn more about my Infertility Journey.... and read more about my boys and what they are going through by visiting their medical blog at My Unique Flowers....

I survived SURGERY...

So I survived my surgery.  Yeah I know ... you didn't even know I was having surgery?   I discovered I had a major hernia a few months ago, had been in a few times for it and just had my surgery Friday.  So now I'm in a lot of pain, I have 8 cuts in my belly, and I can't lift over 10 lbs for 6 weeks (that includes my 17 lb 2 year old and my 23 lb 1 year old!) ...  yeah...  good times ahead good times.

Last week has been crazy...   it didn't START with my surgery... oh, no... no it couldn't just be that simple.  First Dennis sprained his ankle... and when I say that, I mean all of a sudden for no reason he couldn't walk on it.  He went into urgent care and was told it was sprained.  He ended up going into the hospital again later that night because his toes were numb, his foot was numb,  and it was still swelling up.  So they ended up running 3 MRI's on him, a CT scan, a ton of other tests, they kept him in over night  for observation ...   right now, it's like his foot is asleep - so he has to be very careful on it right now.

Then on Wednesday, Nathan has his first Autism Evaluation Clinical... and Noah had an appt with his kidney Doc.  So we went and did all that - I was more concerned with Nathan's autism appointment then I was with Noah's.

If you don't know the history.  Over 2 years ago, the week I had Nathan, Noah had gone into kidney failure.  He was spilling out so much blood in his urine, it was a very dark color, I remember going for a movie for Noah out by the nurses station and one of them said "what is that?" ... Noah's nurse had come back with his urine sample.  Someone else says "It looks like apricot preserves" ...   I thought I was going to lose him.  I really did.  Because of his disorder, it's a fear I am constantly living with, and when he gets sick, it becomes such a reality.   Luckily he got through it, and then his kidneys healed up pretty well.   However...  now he's spilling out blood in his urine again and there is something seriously wrong.  We also discovered his left leg is longer then his right leg but almost an inch.   If you want to read more about the appointment for Nathan, and Noah's issues going on right now, there is a detailed entry in the medical blog ... My Unique Flowers

I am really concerned with Noah though, I'm scared.  He's got a bunch of tests coming up, which are probably going to lead to a kidney biopsy.   I spent a lot of time, waiting at the hospital for my surgery, crying and worrying about all that.  It's all that was on my mind.  

My girlfriend C stopped by with her boys yesterday.  My (our) 15 year highschool reunion was last night and I wasn't able to go due to my surgery so they stopped by.  She kept saying that Nathan is so much tinier in person then he even looks in photos.  He is EXTREMELY tiny.  She brought me bouquet of beautiful flowers :)  Thanks C & Family!!  That was beyond sweet.  I still have to take a picture and I'll post it.

Another thing that is going on right now is with Kaedyn.  He's getting SO BIG  :(    Nathan had a re-check from him being super sick, and Kaedyn had his 1 year check up.  (oh I still have to post birthday photos!! OH MY!) ...  anyway...he got his shots, one of which was the chicken pox, and he broke out from it.  He got the chicken pox.  It wasn't bad but I was shocked.  Also, Kaedyn went from having a nice quite heart, to having a LOUD heart murmur.. now this in it'self may not be concerning however Kaedyn sleeps A LOT.  A LOT ...  he gets tired VERY easily.   So Tuesday he has to go through (up to) 4 hours of cardiac tests...  the same day Noah has to see the orthopedic surgeon about his legs.   And then on Wednesday we have to go back (these appointments are all at the clinic 2 hours away) ... for an appointment with Nathan where they have to find his missing testicle, they are worried about it turning into a tumor, and to discuss his surgery (Nathan's) ...

There is a LOT going on.  

I will return

Busy doesn't even describe me right now...  Tomorrow is Nathan's all day autism evaluation and then Thrusday my mom is coming, Friday I have surgery and then Tuesday next week is Kaedyn's 4 hour cardiology appointment and Wednesday is Nathan's appt with Urology to discuss surgery.  It's a LONG story...... all of it.  I will hopefully be able to update on Kaedyn's first birthday and all of this over the weekend.  Please keep us in your prayers if you pray, in your thoughts if you don't.  Thanks.

MIA and other stuff... including a Hot Topic

So... Michelle Dugger is pregnant again, with baby #19.  There is a new article up on Parent Dish where she is talking about her morning sickness and how her and Anna (her Daughter-In-Law).  Her first Grandchild will be born before her youngest child is.   I have somewhat conflicting opinions on this.  One one hand I can't help but thing, ENOUGH ALREADY ...  but then another part of me knows that being uber-fertile and waiting healthy womb, I probably wouldn't be done.  I wanted a dozen kids (Baker's Dozen actually) but it's not in the cards for me.  I know that having a large family (even at 6, mine is considered "large") ..  first thing you teach your kids is responsibility and how important it is for them to look after the younger kids.  Anyway - a big part of me (the part not screaming ENOUGH ALREADY) admires them.   I miss my huge family I grew up in.  I'm so use to people going in and out and whatever, having huge family dinners, it's the type of family I always wanted and hope I'll have with the boys.  I hope we don't live on different sides of the country, that we can easily see each other.  Anyway .... enough of that. 

I have been out of sorts this week.  Our first week really homeschooling everyday and getting stuff done.  In addition to that, I found out a few days ago that I will be having surgery in a few weeks.  (September 18th)  Now I'm scared :(   See, I have a HUGE hernia.   I discovered it when I was doing sit-ups one day and ignored it for a long time (being afraid it was a tumor) ...  eventually I went in for it.  Then ended up in the ER one night cuz it was hurting.  Then to my general DR, and then (this week) to the surgeon.   After talking and then examining me, I was told it was a very large hernia, due to my multiple c-sections... thanks kids! ... and that I did need surgery...  and infact, he wanted to do it soon.  So I'm thinking a month or so, and she comes in and says "September 18th" ...  ah... what??   September 16th is Nathan's Autism Clinic.  September 19th is my 15 year High School Reunion.  NICE... real nice.   So now, being told I will have a limit of "UNDER 10 LBS" that I can pick up after the surgery for several weeks, I can't even pick up Nathan!  He's a featherweight!    So I was originally told it would be an outpatient surgery at the clinic surgery center, and 4 weeks of weight restriction ... and now it's been changed to the hospital and a longer time of weight restrictions.  The DR feels it's so large that he may not be able to do the lapro surgery, though he's going to try, and that he wants me at the hospital because it's going to be more evasive then normal regardless of  it being lapro or if they have to cut me fully open.  Not only that but it's a "30 hour Outpatient" which means I may be kept overnight depending on how things go.  GAG ...  I don't wanna - don't make me.   I'm scared.

Anyway ...  Noah and I have been working on his reading and he can sound out a word PERFECTLY but has trouble putting those sounds together into a word.   We're working on it right now though.  

Calahan has put up his blogs about his trip to South Dakota!!!   Please check them out and leave him a note!!  There are 4 entries about his trip, each entry covers a day.     WOLF OF THE SEA

12 days of Kaedyn (day 10) .... The Birth & Day 1 :)

written: September 10, 2008  

It's 2:30 am......... I can't sleep - how sucky is that?

I was so beat about 3 hours ago I thought I could sleep all night. But alas... it tis'ent so. I'm starting to hurt more now, and I'm itching like crazy from the spinal - for which I've gotten two meds for, and I'm STILL itchy...

Anyway.... I suppose I should back up and start...

Yesterday morning, Dennis told me he was going to get up so that I could sleep in... which he TOTALLY did... however... I'm so use to getting up with Nathan at 5:30-6 am that I couldn't sleep. So I got up, told him to go back to bed. I had one last glass of juice I pretty much nursed all morning until 10. See, I can't eat or drink anything until late morning usually because of the morning sickness/nausea... so I don't normally bother anyway. 10am rolled around, and I was cut off. Monday night I sorta sugar highed myself... donuts, lemon bars :D .. lol... I did it for two reasons... 1: I figured I deserved it... upcoming hospital food and all... 2: I had been good.... with the Gestational Diabetes I hadn't really been bad.... well... other then with Subway cookies anyway. 3: I knew I would be crashing by the time we got to the hospital if I wasn't high in the morning working it off. But I did not even bother to check it in the morning...

So I started to get stuff done. Cleaning ... re-packing what we had unpacked, making sure we had everything AGAIN....... trying to fold some clothes, etc and so on....

Had some phone calls, had to make a couple... anyway - I'm having contractions all morning, but I'm not stopping long enough to pay attention to them or even time them. They aren't that bad, I mean, I could feel them, sometimes had to stop because of them, but you gotta realize, I've been having contractions for 2 months (or is it more?) ... and although the contractions had changed the last couple days... I have a high pain tolerance and they just weren't horribly bothersome so I was working through them trying not to give them any thought.

Spend some time with Nathan, who had been acting rather weird the last few days, as if he KNEW .. ya know. Course I did too... I told Dennis on Saturday, my body was preparing for labor and I didn't know when, but I was going to start it soon. He told me to start it NOW.. lol... And it's funny cuz on Friday when DR. B asked me what I wanted to do, I told him... "Well, the 9th sounds good .... " LOL... and so he called and set it up...

So we left the house, Dennis had to go back home cuz HE forgot something (I won't mention what) ...

We got to the hospital at 1... the amnio was suppose to be on at 1:30 and I figured, like last week on the 2nd, they'd want to get a tracing on Kaedyn to make sure all was well. Walking into the hospital, I had a NICE contraction, almost had to stop in the middle of the road we were walking across, to deal. But I managed to keep walking... so we register, AGAIN... we get taken up, I'm asked to change into a gown (top half naked) ... I left my pants on... oh hell yeah I'm not exposing that to the world yet...

So they hook me up to the monitors... and now that I'm laying still... oh my.... I'm realizing these contractions are like... 2 minutes apart... literally! So Dr. B comes in at 1:30 ... and he is all smiling and I said "Hey Dr. B!! I'm having some nice contractions for ya ever couple minutes" LOL... he laughed and said something about my trying to avoid the amnio and I said "absolutely!" ... so he comes over and looks at the strip, tells me they are every 2 minutes, and they are lasting a minute or longer... wow huh? I am in actual labor maybe!! I haven't done that for almost 13 years!! So he starts talking, thinking "well maybe we don't need the amnio" cuz they won't stop the labor and if I am in labor then he's coming out regardless... So he starts talking out loud ... he decides he's going to check me to see if there is any change in my cervix and decide what to do then.... so the pants get chucked after all... DARN! ... so he's rooting around and says something that shocked me to the core!!

"Well, you are 3 cm dialated and about 80% effaced....."

:::: shakes head in disbelief :::: errrrrrrrr what!?!?!?

I think I actually started to laugh ... "guess that decides that!" LOLOLOL...

He says "yep, you are in early labor so let's start to get this kid out."

And the preparation for the c-section was put into full swing.

So out went a mass text to everyone who asked me to... and a couple of phone calls... "We're having a baby, no amnio needed... I actually started LABOR!!" LOL...

So, they came in to start the IV... poked me, it didn't take... had someone else come in to poke me and she's trying to make convo, take my mind off it all... and she asks me "What are your boys names at home?" And I burst into tears. See, I hate needles.. HATE THEM.... scare the crap out of me. This is what causes me the most anxiety ... this is why I can't get excited about birth cuz it's a c-section which means one thing to me... Needles and Catheters.... cuz they suck as much as needles do. My last two c-sections, they put it in BEFORE you are numbed up down there... royally sucks... so when DR B told me that they were going to put the cath in after I got back into the OR, after the Spinal, I couldn't help but shout "Oh thank GOD!" ... he looked at me funny, and I told him at Marshfield they do it before, he just sorta shook his head and said "yeah that's unnecessary" ...

BTW - she never did get answered.

So after the IV got put in, I was able to calm down a bit, and slowly go back to my happy go lucky self, trying not to think about the last part of my major issues of the day, the spinal.

Dennis got into his scrubs and they came and got me, I actually had to walk down there ... lol...

So I get back there and immediately start to shake... and of course everything is suddenly going faster (not that it wasn't moving along before, but ya know... the worst part is coming, like... right now!) ... anyway - the anesthesiologist... started to mess with my back, and poke at my back with his finger... I was even jumping at that... and so he did the back wash, and then more pushing, then the numbing stuff... and hello water works. Luckily - it didn't take him 20 minutes like it did for the chick who did it with Nathan's c-section... he got it in a few pokes, but I got this horrid electric shock down my left leg and it about made me jump off the table. But alas, that came to an end with my feet getting tingly...

The crying stopped, and I was laid back, everything got started... the curtain went up... the prep down on my belly and nether regain began... the cath put in, totally didn't feel it - whew!... Dr. B asked me "So what is this little guy's name?" ... and I said "Kaedyn" and everyone ooh'd and ahh'd ... and then I said "Just don't let Dennis spell it" and everyone laughed, as I heard this "WHAT!?!" LOL... coming from the door ... apparently he had just walked in, Dennis that is. So I told him that he wasn't allowed to spell Kaedyn's name cuz he'd spell it wrong.. lol... and he said "yeah, D-E-N-N-I-S" ... (insert room full of laughter here) ...

Dennis stood up most the time watching the c-section... DR. B had told him he could (I had made a joke, cuz we've been making jokes the last few days about Dennis wanting to assist in the c-section.. lol...) ... so I had told Dr B - Dennis wanted to help... DR B said as long as he was comfortable, he could watch, it was fine with him.

So he did... hence him getting the really cool shot of Kaedyn's head out of my belly and that's it...

Anyway ... needless to say, it felt forever... but I heard him before I had any clue... this gurgling fluid filled attempt at a cry, and the tears started again. LOL... next thing I know he's crying, and then DR B says "Well his plumbing works!" (apparently he peed coming out!) and peeks over the curtain with him... and he was all fat and white from the vernix coating... and he's whisked away with Dennis in tow (which is what I told him to do) ... I could hear him screaming the whole time... and I made some comment about him being one mad baby... Dr. B said "yeah he has attitude" lol... and I said "donno where he got that from" and DR. B laughed... "no clue" he said...

It seemed like FOREVER for them to close me up. Towards the end of it, Dennis brought Kaedyn over and I wanted to cry again, OMG ... breath-taking! And when Dennis told me he had the head full of dark hair I keep saying he had, I about cried. Especially when he showed me... not only did I say he had the dark hair, but one of my best friends had a dream about him and said he did too. LOL...

He's just so little - and yes - compared to what Noah and Nathan were born at, he's huge... but OMG ... he's just so little!!!

After they finished up, I was taken into the little room they had taken Kaedyn into after he was born, Dr. W (the kids Ped) was in there... so we were chatting about him ... everything looked great and his lungs and heart were good... joked about how he will probably pass up Nathan in no time... then the vampires came in to steal Kaedyn's blood and apparently he doesn't like needles either cuz he wouldn't really give them any! A half hour later, and may pokes... he was back in my arms, calm and just where he wanted to be.

He was making a grunting, whining type sound every time he was breathing and I knew, it was because he still had some fluid in his lungs/tummy ... but they weren't concerned, so I tried not to be either. It was cute... lol...

After awhile I got taken to my room ... then Dennis and the boys showed up, chaos begins!!! Then much to my surprise and complete pleasure, Jess walked in shortly after them... lol...

Calahan was in love, Noah wanted to hold him right away (mind you he had a lot of trouble touching Nathan) ... Nathan looked at the baby like "yeah... so!?!?" ..lol... poor baby isn't going to know what hit him! LOL... I held Nathan some and the boys got their big brother bags (I took pics but haven't shared yet) ... and then about 7pm they left... Jess hung around for a little while longer while Dennis was gone, which was nice... she hogged Kaedyn which was just fine... lol.. then they left, and to my shock my friend Missy showed up shortly before 8... I really wasn't up for visitors anymore, I had been falling asleep when everyone else was here... I was just BEAT. So they stayed for almost an hour I think... before they finally left.. don't get me wrong, it's nice and appreciated that they came, just which at the hour they had come, she had asked me if it was okay cuz I would have asked her to wait until tomorrow.

I have tried to nurse Kaedyn 3 times, he isn't sucking (not even on a finger) and seems to have no interest in me ... course he has been struggling with the whole fluid thing too.. and he freaked Dennis and I out about 9:30 or so when he spit up (mind you he hasn't eaten) ... so I called the nurse in and she said it was fluid which was okay... they expected him to have a little still... he's just working it out. So finally about 10 or so I asked her for a bottle cuz he just wasn't nursing at all. So when he started fussing (poor little guy had tons of gas that kept waking him up, but no poop yet) ... I pulled him out of the bassinet (which I had Dennis put in my reach) and when I put that bottle in his mouth, he looked totally insulted!! But then... interested... hum... still, no sucking. I'm trying to get him to eat and I'm in and out of sleep too ... lol... bad me... but I would fall for a few seconds and then pop an eye open. I tried for a half hour before the night nurse came in, and I started telling her. I'm worried, cuz he's not eating. I thought sucking was a newborn reflex, ya know? So I asked her to take him down to the nursery tonight - very sadly might I add - cuz Dennis is passed out and I need some sleep too... (which apparently I'm not getting anyway) ... and I asked her to try to work on his eating and if he started sucking decent, to bring him back so I can try to nurse him.

That is pretty much it up to this point :D We've already got our invites for the Sibling Party the hospital throws for all new siblings, and the "romantic dinner" for Dennis and I which we are going to have tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to getting up and walking around tomorrow, getting in my own PJs after they get the IV and cath out. Plus I have those stupid inflatable leg things .... so they are constantly going off... one leg.... pause.... the other leg.... pause... one leg... pause... the other leg .. pause... you get the drift.

So I'm starting to get tired again (thanks to the meds she just came in and gave me) ... she says Kaedyn is sleeping and that he chewed on the bottle a little bit, but she's going to try to feed him again here shortly...

Wednesday - September 10 - Kaedyn's first full day...

Kaedyn had spent most the day on the 9th grunting and blowing bubbles which I knew meant he still had fluid in his lungs. The DRs didn't seem worried about it, so I tried not to. But at some point before midnight - he had thrown up - mind you he hadn't eaten a thing yet... so it was all clear and all the fluid he had, I guess. So finally the bubbles and grunting stopped. He still didn't eat all night, he took maybe an ounce out of a bottle, but he really wasn't even sucking. It was starting to really worry me. I slept for maybe an hour - woke up at 2:30 am ... started typing up the birth story entry (the one before this) ... I was up until 4 until I finally fell back to sleep. The nurse had been in while I was awake, and I debated greatly over having her bring Kaedyn back in the room. I had asked her to take him before one so I could try to get some sleep.. every sound he made was waking me up, I was anxious cuz I wanted him to eat, and it wasn't happening. So I asked her to work on it with him cuz he wasn't doing any ... and at that point was thinking maybe I wouldn't be able to nurse him either. But I didn't care, I just wanted him to start eating.

So at 6am the vampires came in to get my blood. So I was awake again. I could hear Dr. B down the hall talking with the nurses. I knew he'd be in the room soon. Sure enough... about 6:30 he came in. He asked me all sorts of questions, checked me over.. everything looked good... before leaving, he asked me if there was anything he could get me ... I said "my baby" ... lol... I was anxious to get my hands back on him. The nurse brought him back in and told me at some point he had eaten about an ounce (or was it a half ounce) during

the night. Otherwise he just slept. She took the leg things off me (whew - hate those things, hate blood clots too, but... still) ... and my IV had been taken out I was equally as anxious to get up and get moving. So after a little while I was sitting on the edge of the bed... I was about ready to start doing stuff myself... then about a half hour later, they came in to pull out the cath and help me get up. So after the cath was pulled and she started to hand me another gown to change into, I said "ah, no thanks, I'll put on my own clothes" ... she looked at me, as if she was hurt, and said "you don't like our gowns?" I scrunched up my face, and said "eh, no" lol.. lol... but OMG I felt so much more human after I got my own clothes on. I got to clean up a little bit, and brush my fangs... I was up and down all day ... over doing it I'm sure, but so happy. Dr. W (the Ped) came to check on Kaedyn ... I talked to him about the lack of sucking he was doing and how he still hadn't eaten really since he had been born, other then the little bit of bottle he took, and after his exam he stuck his finger in his mouth and said - he was sucking great now! A little after 8 Lisa & Josh came to see Kaedyn. After they left, I attempted to breast feed again. And finally... SUCESS!!

Then after Nathan's nap - him and Nanny came to visit for awhile. So we had fun watching Nathan getting to know his baby brother a little more. He was very interested in the baby... not exactly sure what to do ... and definitely not gentle but he doesn't know better. LOL... but it was awful cute watching Nathan trying to figure it all out. Nathan's favorite past time while at the hospital though, was crawling in and out of the closet and this little cubby on Kaedyn's bed.. lol..

We just sort of hung out after Mom took Nathan home for lunch and his afternoon nap, and worked on nursing, and just getting to know Kaedyn. Dennis had gone down to the gift shop and gotten me some flowers, and Kaedyn some balloons.

We set up our romantic dinner for 6:15 that night, and the "Siblings Party" after school at about 4:15 ...
Basically the Siblings Party was set up to help the older siblings feel special - it's something the hospital does. Very cool... It wasn't a big thing, they just brought in a cake and drink of choice (I decided Chocolate milk) ... anyway - basically - we had all the kids put on their siblings shirts - I didn't manage to get a picture of Cal alone with the shirt on though... we took several pictures of the boys all together, the one I am posting is the one that turned out best I think. The boys had fun, Noah didn't get to go to his scouts meeting because Nanny grounded him from it for having a bad attitude (talking back a lot after school) ...

After the party was all done, Kaedyn got changed and settled... he actually let Mommy & Daddy have a nice dinner to themselves...

The dinner was VERY nice... the food was decent and I have to say the company was excellent! I tried not to get mushy and weepy during dinner. I really do love Dennis so very much. He amazes me all the time, sometimes not in good ways, but most the time - those times don't matter for long... because he is amazing, and he's all mine.

Over all that night went well... Kaedyn was finally nursing, and appeared to me making up for lost time. The only bad thing about the night was the stupid student nurse assigned to my room. SERIOUSLY - stupid. Okay maybe not but - UGH! It was frustrating. She would come in, ask questions, write stuff on her little mini pocket notebook... go away, come back 10 minutes later, ask more stuff... there was a point before the dinner where she came in with her instructor to check my belly and push on it, blah blah... so they came in, and the lesson began ... no problem with all this because ya know, we need to encourage our nurses. This one just got on my nerves. She just really didn't seem to have a clue on what she was doing, she seemed to just be going down a list, and didn't seem to care. She just seemed to be going through the motions. Now I donno if it was her first night by herself, or what... but it really was frustration and I didn't get a good vibe off her at all. So anyway - back to the story... so they did their thing with my belly, and the instructor said "they are having their celebration meal tonight and we do not bother them during that." ... so the dinner comes and Dennis and I sit down for it, we're about 10 minutes into eating and enjoying each other and conversation... and ::: knock knock knock ::: "come in" ... she comes in with her little notebook... "I have to write down what you ate" ... mind you I wasn't even done eating! She stops... looks... "oh" ... then "are you done eating?" ... "no" I said... "okay I'll come back" and she was gone.

What a lovely memory. Later, when my nurse came in after I called her for my pain pils, and she was with... they asked if we were done... told her yes, she tells the girl "well just roll this out in the hall then and... " and the girl goes "which side was yours?" ... "this side?" I said yes... she goes to start inspecting and my nurse goes "we don't keep track of what she's eating anymore, we only do that about the first 24 hours" ...

And that just made it even lovelier - cuz the interruption was pointless....

Then this is pretty much when the "Marathon Nursing" started... Kaedyn decided he needed to make up for lost time. He would nurse on one side, sleep for 5-15 minutes, eat on the other side... sleep ... eat on the other side... sleep... etc for as long as he could... then he'd pass out for an hour or two, and then start it all over again. Needless to say, I was up with him until 2am doing this... but I didn't mind...

Kaedyn decided he wanted a paci for awhile... er... maybe I was trying to get a break. But he liked it!

September 11th ...  Kaedyn Phillip Russel came home...

12 Days of Kaedyn (day 11) ... The Pregnancy

Due to my insane fears of miscarriage I would nag for an early ultrasound ... once I saw the heartbeat, it was like a 50 lb weight was lifted.   However, after 13 miscarriages, it wasn't hard to get my way.  It basically involved "I'm 7 weeks, can I come in for my ultrasound?"  "Sure, why not ... I'll get it set up" ... yeah, not hard at all.   My first look at Kaedyn wasn't this line with a beating heart like it was with Nathan, oh, no...  Kaedyn was a big blob.  LOL...  Guess it goes to show that maybe everything is pre-determined considering Nathan is still a long stick and Kaedyn is a big blob. 

This was written on January 24, 2008 (right before my first ultrasound which didn't show anything, she said "I think I see some cardiac activity, but wasn't sure.)
Pregnancy ..... I don't even feel pregnant right now.. and even though that worries me... I know I'll know MORE tomorrow. I mean I FEEL pregnant... the hunger is outrageous... the bathroom visits I could do without .. the bloating, please I look 6 months pregnant right now! ... the exhaustion is mind numbing... and the nausea/morning sickness... is almost non-existent... I know I should be thankful... but I'm a little worried about it... course I'm pregnant, I worry about EVERYTHING...

Written Feb. 7th about the above ultrasound
Well... we had the ultrasound yesterday ... all is well... the baby was wiggling around in it's alien blob form and the little heart beat was beating away at 150 beats per minute. I cannot even BEGIN to explain the utter relief I felt when I saw that, and the tears escaped too... a couple anyway. They tried to do the belly ultrasound and I hadn't drank enough - didn't have a full bladder - so I got up and had to get undressed, and before I did she said "well the sac is bigger, so that's good!" I told her I just wanted to see the heartbeat.... after 13 miscarriages, I just needed to see the heartbeat in order to relax at all. So I get back in there and they start the internal ultrasound and after about 2 minutes, she turned the screen so I could see the little blob dancing around and I saw it, in the middle of the lil blob I saw the flickering that I have come to recognize as the heartbeat and a 50lb weight was lifted... Baby is measuring 7 wks 2 days (yesterday) and I was 7 wks 4 days (yesterday) so it's not too far off at all.
 I had my amnio at 16 weeks, at 17 weeks Dennis got fixed, and at 18 weeks ... the day before Nathan's first birthday ... we found out the results.   100% Healthy baby Boy!!   Course this was very heartbreaking for me in a way because it was the death of my dream of ever having a daughter, HOWEVER, I was extremely happy he was healthy and it didn't matter what he was.  When I announced to everyone that the baby was indeed a boy, I said "IT's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!" ... they'd all get excited.  Then I would add "With a PENIS!" and the confusion and looks I would get was absolutely worth it..... then the light bulb would go off and they'd be like "aww.. really?"  LOL...

By July I was already having some nice contractions and one day (mid-July) I had been sitting in my chair and I stood up, there was a HUGE puddle under me, I thought "OMG my water broke" ... I went to the bathroom and peed ... I checked my underware and such with was wet and did NOT smell like pee .. it didn't smell like anything...  so off to the hospital we went.   They said that if my water had leaked, it had stopped but they figured most likely I just peed myself... (seriously?  I'm in my 30's!  I'd know!) ... then I find out I have Gestational Diabetes. 

July 27, 2009 ... 
Anyway .. I had my DR appt on Friday. Along with a NST. The whole family went, for the first and last time this pregnancy. I got taken back, weight ... I lost weight.. lol... pee'd in the cup... all great there, trace of protein and no glucose. My blood pressure was actually the best it has been the whole pregnancy ... I think it was 130 something over 80 something. I got hooked up to the monitor for the NST and Maria looks at me like I have some clue on where his heartbeat is. LOL... I told her he was head down, I knew that without an ultrasound. So she put the thingy down on the gel on my belly and found his heartbeat ... it's nice to be right once in awhile. His heart rate was good, would go 130's to 150's ... during the two good contractions I had during the NST his heart rate dropped to the 120's ... he doesn't move much now, cuz he's running out of room. Dr. B came in while I was all hooked up - right after I had the first of the 2 major contractions... (the second one didn't pick up as well as the first one) ... and he chatted with me for a few minutes.. he said my belly measured big (didn't say how big but it was 2 weeks over at my 30 week appt) .... and said that I was going to get my way and get an ultrasound with in the week... he wanted to check Kaedyn's size, fluid level, and do a Bio-Physical-Profile on him. He says he assumes the fluid level isn't to much since I'm complaining about his lack of movements. At this point, I get a poke here and there to let me know he's alive, otherwise I get a series of bumps... or the skimming of body parts against my belly, or him lifting up his butt.... but I don't get a lot of kicks anymore. Infact, he has only the two extremes. He is either barely moving, or trying to jump his way out of me. Seriously ... it is the craziest thing but this child tries to have alien moments where he's hoping my belly will just rip open and he can escape. Ha ha .... well, in due time Kaedyn, in due time that exact thing will happen... my belly will be ripped open and you'll come out .. and then you'll scream of shock and horror at the bright lights and cold air and strange people touching you and poking at you, and then you'll hear me and Daddy and think... do I know you?

Heehee... oh dear gawd I just had a contraction the size of a freaking earth quake. Dennis innocently asked "contraction" as I'm screaming OWWWWWWWWWWWWIE over and over... ::: raising eyebrow ::: DUR! Anyway ... I said "yes it feels like a freaking charlie horse in my stomach" and then after it was done I said "that hurt" he goes "I bet" ... ::smack!:: ... Then Kaedyn started thrashing around, and I said "apparently he didn't like it anymore then I did" ...

It's hard to believe that we only have about 5 more weeks left ... at the most ... it's scaring the crap out of me actually. 

 Last Day of July I had another ultrasound...  and I crack up laughing NOW because this measurements based on size, ended up showing his EDD was the day he was born..   LOL...  here is what I wrote...

I came very very close to ending up in labor and delivery yesterday. Luckily since my cervix is closed and not dilating and very long yet, and very high (as in they have to go up to their elbow - it feels like - just to find it!) they let me come home. However, I'm having contractions about every 2 minutes during the NST ... I've been having contractions about every 10 minutes - 15 minutes at home... that I've noticed. However they are concerned. Everything looks great though. My blood pressure is fine... surprisingly better then last time... I lost more weight... His heart rate was great.. His estimated weight based on the ultrasound so far is 5lbs 4oz... and he's measuring a week and a half/2 weeks or so big... lol.. I saw him opening and closing his hand - which was adorable... I can't wait to see him (but I can wait, kwim? LOL) .... I'm not ready to have him yet. I just can't get over at 33 weeks (and I was 32 and 6 days based on my due date) he's suppose to be slightly over 4lbs and here he is measuring at 5lbs 4oz already give or take 13 oz (more live give!) ... he's HUGE though. He's butt down and I'm in love :) 
 (then here is the detailed entry I had done)

ULTRASOUND UPDATE FOR EVERYONE
Update on DR appt and Ultrasound Pics for those who couldn't see and/or didn't look at the last entry! I was just too lazy to take my last name off the pics so - now that's done. I'll post them public and the update! WHooooooohooooooooo :D

BABY UPDATE

Blood Pressure ... was very good .. it was 130's over 70's

Weight ... lost more (yah for me!)

Heartrate ... was great :)

Ultrasound He passed the BPP part great!! I got to see him open and close his tiny hand and that was just awesome to be able to see on ultrasound!! I saw him breathing and gawd I'm just so in love with him already!! Isn't it amazing how you can fall in love with someone you've never tech. met! LOL.. But he's part of me and Dennis and that's just awesome. Anyway ... I think that was the best part of the ultrasound, right Jess? Seeing that little hand open and close!?!? BTW Jess.. thanks a TON for going with me, I know it wasn't easy but I so very much appreciate it!

NST Heart rate was great again ... he was rather uncooperative, but enough so that he was moving and such... just not the heart rate acceleration they wanted. The other issue was - and why I was back there for almost two hours - I was having contractions every couple of minutes. Not big ones, just little ones, but they were all showing up on the monitor. I have a feeling it was more the position they had me laying in, but I could be wrong. Regardless - it came to the point where she wanted to do an exam on me - where my cervix was high and closed... and hurt like a ... well, it hurt.. as one of my favs said - my cervix is obviously up in my throat somewhere... but she called down to the ultrasound lab and found out it's measurements too and said it was still very long so that's all good.. they also did this q-tip test thing where they can get an idea of if you'll go into labor soon, and it came back negative (which I found out after I came home) but she said that she REALLY wanted to send me to L&D so they could monitor it and give me pre-term labor drugs... gahhhhhhhhh ... so she asked me what I was doing the rest of the day (before she told me all that) and I said "I have 2 kids at home and one in the waiting room," LOL... but it took her 10 minutes to hemm and hawwww over it before she finally decided I could go and see what the q-tip test said. If it said neg then I'd just have to come in as planned next week and if it was positive, then she'd probably insist I go into L&D. But since it was negative... whoohooo... I have been able to stay home.

Gestational Diabetes ... it's going okay for the most part, after the initial first couple days, I discovered that my eating normal is what kept my blood sugar in good standing. NOT following their diet. I have to watch the sugar intake a bit more ... like the other night I was craving jelly beans sooooooooo bad, my blood sugar had been great all day - so I gave in before bed, and woke up with sky high blood sugar.. lolol.... but it is all good. You can clearly see what sets off the blood sugar attacks and what doesn't. But for the most part, I really just eat normal... portions are normal and everything. I had a big bowl of ice cream last night, and everything was fine this morning, my blood sugar was like 92 or something - which is great because it's suppose to be somewhere under 105. So I'm a lot happier now then I was after meeting with the dietian. And she isn't going to see me again, as long as I continue to do as well as I've been doing..

Kaedyn's Weight ... now one of the things we were most looking forward to finding out via the ultrasound was Kaedyn's estimated weight. And when she told me... I literally started laughing! LOL... now from everything I have been reading he should be around 4lbs (maybe slightly over) and about 17 inches at 33 weeks... now Kaedyn is estimated to be about 5lbs 4oz at 32 weeks 6 days... lol.. (I had the ultrasound on Thursday and hit 33 weeks Friday)... the 5lbs 4oz is of course a give or take 13 oz... LOL... I'm thinking it's more like GIVE with this boy! LOL... I'm thinking he might be a little closer to 6lbs already! But that's just my feeling. He is butt down and what I've been THINKING is his butt is his head... lol.. so I've been spanking his head (poor kid!) LOL... but it makes sense with movements. He is laying on my left side looking to my right, his hands and feet are on my right side. He really doesn't move all that much, other then soft punches and kicks... and then there is always the lifting his head up and stretching, and the outright flipping out trying to find the escape hatch and just trying to jump straight out of my belly! LOL...

The end of August came around, and I was utterly MISERABLE.........  

MISERY LOVES COMPANY... 


.......... and I am miserable!!

.... as if the end of pregnancy isn't enough, I am completely and utterly miserable. This is a great way to spend the last week of pregnancy.... with a freaking head/chest cold from hell!

No kidding...

It set in about 2am Sunday morning... I woke up with a massive headache, my nose stuffed, sneezing, a half hour before that I woke up in sweats so I turned on the fan ... I had to get up at 2 and move to my chair cuz I didn't want to lay flat with my nose stuffed the way it was... I was in and out of sleep ... and by the time I woke up I was worse. I struggled all day... took tylonal cold/sinus which didn't help... took benedryl at 7am which only made my morning utterly unbearable cuz I was so tired...

... and by 3 pm, the left side of my face was swollen ... just the left side... very visibly ... swollen...

So I called the DR ... being completely unable to touch the headache, or the sinus pressure... I didn't know if the sinus pressure was result from the headache swelling me up, or the headache was in result of the sinus pressure...

... and with my "flirting" with Pre-eclampsia... we figured it best be safe... Dennis was extremely worried and I'm just in tears by this point...

Well - everything is fine... my blood pressure was good, there was no protein in the urine sample... Kaedyn looked great... and they can't do anything for me ... they assume it's a "virus" and it's going to take 5 to 7 days to get rid of....

Of course my c-section is in 8 days.........

I'm really worried this isn't going to go away before then... I feel like my body has thrown up it's hands and said "We're barely handling being pregnant right now... please come infect us - you'll win, we promise!!"


I tried to go to bed last night... at 9:30 or so ... woke up at 12:30 and got up to go to the chair again...

1: it's right by the air conditioner and I feel hot even though I'm not running a temp...
2: I'm not flat, so all the mucus isn't sitting there gathering...

I'm trying to be happy and myself, but I can't, I am so freakin miserable. I want Kaedyn out so I can get better... I want him up so he's not touched by this... I want him here safe, so I concentrate on fighting this... but that's not going to happen...

... oh yeah - and my voice is gone.... joy!

Anyway - I can barely see - everything is blurry ... it's hard to read or do anything...

My C-section was set for September 2nd, as long as the amnio came back showing that his lungs were mature.   My mom had flown in on August 31st and was due to go back Sept. 15th... 

Mind you Noah had completely done his own guess in the "guessing game" and he guessed September 2nd, he picked a BOY and stuck to it (before we knew he was a boy) ... and he guessed 8lbs 2oz and 20 inches...  I found this so funny because he had picked all this out at the beginning of the pregnancy.  It looked like he was going to be just about right!!

September 2nd 2008...  

Well we left the house, got to the hospital, checked in, taken upstairs, in an gown... strapped up to the monitor... Kaedyn was being a little stinker and wouldn't let them get a tracing ... it took until 8:30 (we'd been there since 7am) ... I had 3 contractions with in 15 minutes and he had no heart decelerations - so DR B called that good... then the amnio was started almost right away... fluid was good, clear - good thing... results would take about an hour and a half ... it was done about 10 to Nine AM... and about 20 after 10 ... DR B came in and said his lungs weren't mature yet. 

Dennis said he just knew it wasn't going to happen, we were playing Cribbage and having a good time waiting ... and he was WINNING for once...  we didn't even get to finish the game...

Dr B says the lungs maturing is not a gradual thing - it's a quick thing... so it can be immature one day and mature a couple days later.....

So ... I have an appointment with him on Friday and we'll decide what to do from there. If we try again next week, I'll have to have another amnio ...


If I go into labor myself (contractions and/or water breaking) they won't stop it... they will just get the c-section going...

No steroid shots... there is no medical need for them really - he is far enough along that they should mature any day now...

Reason we are checking now, because I'm "flirting" with pre-eclampsia, but mainly because of the two previous c-sections - they don't want me to go into labor on my own with the high risk of my uterus rupturing because of it...

My contractions thus far have not been regular and changing my cervix, those are the contractions they are concerned about.......

So we're in a wait and see type of thing now - until my appointment on Friday....

I have to add that Dennis and I were playing cribbage and he was kicking my butt for the FIRST TIME... and not a couple minutes before DR. B came in... I said "You stole all my mo-jo now his lungs aren't going to be mature..." LOL...

And I have to say, I am a A LOT  LITTLE disappointed, but for the most part I'm fine with it. I'll have time to get more of this pneumonia cleared up (cuz I'm still coughing hard, it's impossible not to cough if laughing) ... so it's probably best. I'm more concerned with what is best for Kaedyn then my misery anyway...

I have been having contractions most the day since the amnio - so if by chance, they continue on a regular basis... I have several about 5 minutes apart ... then they stop for awhile... then they start up again...

Calahan was very disappointed when he got home from school, Noah not so much, he just kinda said "oh... I'm hungry!" LOLOLOL... 

 September 6, 2008 

I am utterly exhausted right now......

........... literally trying to keep my eyes open.............

where are the toothpicks when you need them???

ugh...

you're right... they would hurt ...

............. so anyway.......

It's been a last 24 hours.... that's for sure...

I had my DRs appointment....

......... now keep in mind, early in the pregnancy, I heard.... "we aren't going to let you go past 36 1/2 weeks like last time...."....

.... then I heard 37 weeks...........

................. and then recently it got changed to 38 weeks........

....................................... and yesterday..... he had the audacity to mention 39 weeks... 39 WEEKS........

I thought for sure I'd have a baby by NOW!! I mean ... come on....

Oh I don't want to hear it... I totally get and support the fact that his lung were not developed and it wasn't time to deliver him... I want what is best for him... and that is cooking longer...

......... however...........

I am miserable.... and I am ready for this to be OVER.....

OVER

I am having such thoughts as ..........

......... castor oil............

..................... sex ....................

................................nipple stimulation ............

.................................................... jumping up and down until SOMETHING happens.....

These aren't very good thoughts.... really.... however it's a sign that ... this needs to be over ...

My DR is the best, so I'm just frustrated.... this pain and pressure and all that is just getting to me...

Funny story... since it was expected that I'd have this baby, my appointments got canceled for this past week... so in L&D Dr. B called and "un-canceled" my appt... so when I got there yesterday, I went to check in and was told it was canceled.... when I was told it shouldn't be, I was told to go to the desk over there... .so then I got the attention of Becky, a girl I went to high school with, and she was confused at first... and then... she goes "ohhhhhhhh I think I canceled it" and I said "well you did but then Dr. B un-canceled it...." ... she goes "nooo, I think i canceled it again yesterday" LOLOLOL... she said she had taken Tuesday off (first day of school) ... so when she had come back and seen me on the schedule for Friday, she said "what is she doing on here?? She had a baby on Tuesday.... " and took me off. I laughed and told her she needed to stop being so efficient and slack off in her job a bit.. LOLOLOL... she felt so guilty though...

I get back there and Maria and I are talking about it - and she's telling me how Dr. B was just saying "Annissa was on the schedule and now she's not, why did she cancel?" ... Maria was like "I donno, I know she was on there on Wednesday" ... He said "Well you better call her and tell her she has to come in, she can't skip out on the appointment... " LOL... But I was there... so... but it was all nice to be worried about.

So anyway - I actually gained some weight (like 2 lbs, but then again, I was wearing heavier clothes cuz it's cold here now), my BP was *okay* at 140's over 90's ... a trace of protein ... Kaedyn passed the NST very quickly... I measured 41 weeks ... ::sigh::

So anyway ... they ran blood tests for pre-eclampsia and that all came back fine. So unless my water breaks, or I go into labor on my own over the weekend/monday... we'll go back in Tuesday for another amnio and tentative c-section.

.... oye .....

So lets get this labor started!!! lol....

September 8, 2008
I currently feel as if I am going to explode ........ I admit, I've been bad tonight. I'm pigging out on donuts, and drinking Pepsi... so not good for my gestational diabetes, but I figure I deserve one last hurrah after being good ... and I get to stop eating at midnight, drinking anything dairy... and can only drink non-dairy stuff until 10am. After that, I get to enjoy... nothing but... air... does it come in Cherry?!?!  Took - hopefully - last pregnancy picture of me today infront of the sunflowers that was taller then me and the buds are bigger then my freakin head!

So anyway ... this is going to be my last post until I update tomorrow, if that be an update with a new lil bitty ... or a very disappointed "I'm going to get castor oil, run over railroad tracks, etc" post... however ... do you realize that if I have him tomorrow, his first birthday will be on 9-9-09? ... lol... Noah missed the 2-2-02 thing by ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!! He was born on 2-1-02 (however he was suppose to be taken the next day)

I'll be heading to the hospital around 1pm... probably leaving around 12:30...

So we'll be making sure everything is packed, loading Dennis' truck... spending a few moments with Nathan ... getting emotional... cleaning... and various other stuff tomorrow...

The boys are going to school... Calahan is yet again having a hard time at school. Seems some kid in his gym class tripped him on purpose... and he got hurt. Not bloody and damaged, but angry and scuffed up a bit. He's currently downstairs watching the Packers vs Vikings game... and let me tell you, he's not routing for his favorite color (green)!! LOL... He's a pure Vikings fan...

12 days of Kaedyn........ The Beginning ... Finding out I was pregnant..

So ... Nathan was born and Dennis and I started discussing having our 2nd child together when he was home and doing well...  discussing the pros and cons of waiting, most of the facts revolved around my health while pregnant and even though it was shockingly easy to get pregnant with Nathan, and managed to hang onto him (I really didn't think I'd be able to get pregnant and carry another baby after Noah and let me tell you that Nathan was an awesome surprise!  Not only getting pregnant with him on my own and not miscarrying him right away, but making it through those first few weeks was amazing...) ...  it didn't mean that we'd be as lucky again.   So once Nathan turned a few months old, we started trying on our own.  I charted, and I obsessed, and I got drawn into the world of TTC again.  Then one morning I got a faint line on a pg test, and not just that one but a couple others...  but I wasn't real excited, I wanted it to be darker ...  but I got a faint line on a few others so I knew I wasn't nuts...  and then.... I wasn't getting a faint line anymore...  I started cramping and spotting, I didn't even bother to call the OB to get the progesterone...  I did have an appointment with him though, coming up.  So when I started bleeding on our first Anniversary, I wasn't surprised, but I was hurt that Mother Nature put such a damper on the day.   I went in and saw my DR.   It happened to be CD 5 and I was telling him what was going on.   My LP was so short .. (10 days or under) and that I had just gotten a faint + and then AF came, washing what could have been out.  He told me "let's put you back on clomid because it should push your LP out a little and you've had good luck on it" (I took it twice before, my first round of clomid - on the third cycle I got pregnant with Noah.  My second round of clomid I got pregnant on the first cycle but miscarried, and then tried for 3 more with no luck.  Both those had been with my ex husband) ...   "Okay... " I said.   I didn't quite know how Dennis was going to feel about it.   So when I got out of the appointment and to the pharmacy, I called Dennis.   We talked about it, he said maybe we should give it a try.  So I went ahead and got it, and started taking it that day (my days were cd5-9) ...  Usually I took them in the morning, but being the way it was, I took that round at night ...  I really didn't think anything would happen.   I charted along...  thinking nothing would happen.......  So  then I ran into this issue where my temp spiked really high and I didn't understand why, I wasn't sick.   So then  it goes back down, and down, and down... and I'm like okay - whatever - it's abck to where it normally is pre-o, it's still a little higher then what is my normal "pre-o" temps .. but it's okay.   I usually O on cd 19... or about there.   I really wanted a girl, so CD 17 comes around and I think - well, maybe we should BD tonight and tomorrow morning if we get a chance, and then odds might increase to have a girl!  Well, we BD and the next morning I wake up and take my temp and it's up again!  WTH???    So we don't BD anymore.  CD 21 rolls around and I'm thinking - Did I even O??? (notice those temps are the same lvl as my higher (discarded temps) from Pre-O ...  so I'm like, maybe we should BD again....  just incase.... (at that point FF isn't giving me cross hairs)...  So I go on, we BD on cd 22 ...  at this point I think this cycle is a bust...    especially when my temp took a nose dive. I just thought I had one majorly F'd up cycle.     Then my temps went back up the following morning and I was just sitting there shaking my head.   So I played with FF and discared those higher temps Pre-O (as you see on the chart) and then I saw it....  I saw O, I saw possible implant dip... and I saw it for the first time, that the cycle may not be a bust after all.  So then on cd 27 my temps went down again and 28 they stayed down, cd 29, I woke up to the swat team breaking in to the place next to our bedroom window and scaring the crap out of us, praying they don't wake up Nathan...  and when all was said and done, I meandered to the bathroom and grabbed a cup, and a HPT ...  I pee'd in the cup and dumped the stick in there thinking, it'll be negative but wouldn't that be a funny story???    


The day I found out I was pregnant with you, I was woken up by voices outside our bedroom window and then I flew out of bed before 6am by this loud noise, like a gun shot.   Daddy woke up too and asked what that noise was.  Saying it came from outside, I think we were both a little scared to look.  But we peered through the blinds and saw tons of guys in SWAT gear, dogs, just tons of people breaking into the place next door to us.  


So I walk out to the living room and look at the stick........ and I'm in shock...... SHOCK..... there was a faint line.  I'm in SHOCK...   So i took another at 8:30am, and there was another faint line, but fainter then the 6:30am test.   But there was still a line!!!  I already had the Progesterone Rx so I started taking it right away.  Dr. B had entrusted me enough to give it to me ahead of time this time because of weekend issues.  So I didn't call right away, I just started taking it since my instructions were to start as soon as I got a line.

 

Then I took a digital... 

There is a close up picture of my 6:30am 12dpo test, and my 6am 13dpo test - see how super faint that first one was??? And how much darker it got the next morning!  YAY!  So I ended up going in on 16dpo to get my first beta, and it came back 245 ... and my 18dpo beta was around 465 ...  man, based on those numbers, I thought I was having twins!!  NO kidding!!   But alas, it was just Kaedyn in there.

So, we took and announcement photo...  

8 month old Nathan Patrick...  

First Steps to.... First Steps.... (and update on Nate)

Remember I mentioned one of my sunflowers in my blog from yesterday? Here is one of the pictures I took. The rest didn't turn out like I thought - so I have to go re-do them... And it's funny cuz I took an earlier bloom and cut it - brought it in the house - and figured the rest of the stem would die off or what not. Well, surprisingly enough - it grew two more buds on it?! I was like HUH?? I've never seen a sunflower do that before but I was never one to cut it for vases either. LOL...



Yesterday afternoon my lil Monkey baby was standing at the chairs in the kitchen and I was sitting on the floor talking to Dennis while he cooked (Sloppy Joes from scratch) and playing with Kaedyn. Nathan had fallen asleep after getting home from the DR and he slept ALL NIGHT (from 6pm to about 7am I think, then he slept from 1pm to 4pm today) ... You know the Buggy is sick when he sleeps THAT MUCH! I'm so use to the active little boys who has so much energy (and not in a bad way) ... it's hard for us to see him so weak and tired all the time.

ANYWAY - back to Monkey... He was standing at the chairs and wouldn't you know.... he let got ..... and my breath caught..... and he stood there for what seemed like FOREVER but was only like 10 seconds..... and then his little fat feet moved towards me..... OMG OMG OMG OMG I was bouncing on the floor - screaming it.... my poor husband looked at me. "What?" Cuz all he saw was Mr. Kaedyn clinging on me and sticking his hands in my cleavage - a normal everyday sight. "HE TOOK HIS FIRST STEP!!" I shouted. He just continued cooking like it was no big deal, or like he didn't hear me. I put Kaedyn back and I said "LOOK LOOK" and OMG OMG OMG OMG he did it again!!! He put moved his little cubber feet and took a step to me. Oooh I wanted to cry.... but cry I must not do. This is unacceptable behavior and I must not get excited about it!! This is my last baby and the LAST of the firsts.... I'm on the verge of tears every day as we approach that first birthday where I can no longer call him "My Baby" but refer to him as "my ONE year old" ... :: sniff :: But alas.... I continued to bubble with excitement witnessing my son take his first steps. So I put him back a THIRD time cuz his Daddy STILL didn't see! And he did it AGAIN - this time Daddy WAS looking. We both clapped with excitement and Kaedyn grinned like a fool! Probably thinking "I don't know what I did but they sure liked it" .. lol... So I put him back a FOURTH time thinking I had to get a video of this huge milestone... and as I began to tape, he plopped his butt down on the floor and crawled away ...... GO FIGURE..... LOL...

I got a call from the clinic today, checking up on Nathan. I told them that he had thrown up this morning and his diapers were still really bad, but he had SOME energy this morning and he was still drinking and eating ... it was nice they called. Guess they are as worried about him as I am. (he just brought me pop-tarts - YAY - Daddy is making dinner but dang it, any interest in food and he's getting it right now!) .. He needs a bath tonight and we may (or may not) have a movie night tonight. If we don't tonight - we'll have one Sunday for sure once Calahan gets home from his trip. Regardless ... they are getting dinner and getting in the tub, then we'll figure out if we're going to do movies or not.

Calahan ... I called last night to see how the trip was going and how he was ... I'm worried he might have gotten sick before he left and wanted to see, hoping his trip wasn't being spoiled... and his Grandma J's phone was off, which I knew it would be - most likely. So I left a message and hope to get to talk to him tonight (if she gets the message, she will have him call me back) .. but I know that she's roaming and may not even get the message right now - it all depends on if she can get any signal ... so I'm not going to worry about it. But I'm thinking of him, I hope he's having a great time :) I hope they are getting a TON of photos! And I miss him.

So last night Daddy made homemade (from scratch) Sloppy Joes ...... they were super nummy. Kaedyn totally made a little piggy out of himself! LOL.. OMG he just ate a ton - and then he plopped himself down on the floor and sighed.... Done I take it? I asked him... and he groaned! LOL



I cannot BELIEVE he is going to be ONE YEAR OLD in 12 days...... it's not fair :( I just want to freeze time and have a little more time to enjoy his babyhood!!