Once upon a time....... this man and woman fell in love ... and only a few months into their relationship, she found out she was pregnant .... soon they found out it was a little boy and much like his older (half) brother - he would have medical issues....... not the same medical issues.... but...... different.
Through the pregnancy - the Mommy tried not to worry - because, unlike the hope she got researching the older brother's genetic disorder.... all the stuff she read online, this time, was disturbing, and upsetting to her .... so she stopped.
And gave it up to the Higher Power ....
She worried about the birth, because the older brother's had been an emergency and traumatizing for her. She was scared. Especially when the older brother got sick and almost died the week that the baby was born. Thankfully, she listened to her Mommy instinct and found someone who listened to her ... and finally, they treated what was wrong after a lot of tests and some extremely strong antibiotics.
My name was suppose to be Nathan Allen. I was suppose to be a boy .... so SURPRISE when I came out a female type of child, my mom had to come up with a name for me on the spot. Ha! So with both Calahan and Noah, she fought for the name Nathan - she still wanted her Nathan. So she finally got him.
I had to leave Noah - in his hospital room - at 8am to go one floor down and start getting ready for Nathan's birth. It was definitely one of the hardest days of my life. Luckily - Noah wasn't fighting for his life anymore. He was definitely on the upswing. It really didn't make it any less hard though.
I had Noah in the same hospital, with a level III NICU.... the staff in the delivery room with me hadn't told me that Noah had been born. The whole pregnancy I was making my doctor promise me that he would make sure I at least got to see Noah alive - once - I wanted him born alive and at least wanted to see him alive, once. There was a very good chance that I could lose him. I had faith I wouldn't. I had given that all up to God too... I just wanted one thing. So when they didn't even tell me he had been born - they took that away from me. They didn't give me a chance to see him, he didn't make a sound because they didn't even want him to try (he was only 1lb 12oz ... we expected him to be small - but not THAT small) ... the only reason I knew he had been born was because someone kept repeating "3:45" and I asked why - he said "that's when your baby was born." They fully expected Noah to die. The Doctors told the staff - he probably won't make it the next 24 hours. Etc and so on..... no, this isn't about Noah ... but I told you that so you'd understand why the birth had been traumatizing and why I was so afraid it would happen again....
So when I went through all the prep for Nathan's birth, I was in tears the whole time. THE WHOLE TIME. I just couldn't stop crying. I'm being poked, prodded, shaved, shoved with a cath ... and then it took them TWENTY MINUTES and it seemed like 100 pokes to get the spinal to finally get in the space it needed to be. Half my back was bruised from it.
So when they finally got it - and let Dennis in, I was a little relieved. I knew he would make sure things didn't go the way they had with Noah.
So when Nathan was born .... he took a deep breath and started to cry, immediately - I started to cry. I was exactly what I needed, music to my ears ... it was like angels were telling me everything was perfect.
They stopped at my side so I could see him, Dennis snapped a quick picture....
Everything wasn't perfect, but it was good.
I made Dennis stay with Nathan. I didn't want him leaving his side.
Nathan right after he was born
Regardless..... he came home a few weeks later, a couple days before his Mother's Day due date...
He was so tiny we had to pack stuff around him in the swing just to keep him stable....
And he came home with an NG tube. Dennis and I had to go through training so we knew how to put it in and take it out - feed through it - and all of it.
Still - something like that happens - and you know breastfeeding is super important - you just feel like a failure.
Nathan was an amazing smiling happy little boy - he was such a character and so bright with life.
When he was about 18-19 months - he got shots, and shortly after that - something changed in him. He started getting severe mirages, hiding in the dark, and showing autistic tendencies .... making eye contact took a long time, and he stopped responding to his name.... but he was still, ALWAYS a joy and lovebug....
See next post for his birthday pictures...
