Three Year Ol' Burfdae Boy ....

So ...... we are a struggling family of six, don't have funds to throw huge birthday bashes with tons of fun and kids, though ... it might be nice!...  I doubt I'd ever end up on OUTRAGEOUS KIDS PARTIES where parents blow tens of thousands of dollars on a child's birthday party ....  hell, if I had that kind of money, I'd put a down payment on a house, get a nice new van ... something that wasn't gonna go down the tubes in one day!  Heck, I was cringing at the money we spent on food!  LOL...

There were no fancy decorations .... no balloons or streamers ...  not even a cardboard "Happy Birthday" sign.  Nope... on his birthday, I went into urgent care and didn't even get to tuck him into bed!  He spent every moment of his birthday getting into trouble...  between the eggs - only one broke ...  they were finding eggs on Diego - or something like that ....  and the spraying cooking spray on each other thinking it was so funny!!  ...  not to mention the typical everyday theatrics of pure childhood naughtiness..    Our friends Cara and Kerry brought over cup-cakes, a card, and three dollars of Kaedyn's very own over :D   The plan was, take me into urgent care where they'd probably just tell me they were clueless and then come home, give them cupcakes, and a bath and tuck them into bed...... didn't happen like that, I got taken into urgenct care and my pulse was so high they decided to keep me, put an IV and well, that's another blog...  anyway - Daddy came back to give the boys a bath and Nathan his medicine... and once they were settled in bed, he gave Cal instructions and headed back to me, so no cupcake for the boys :(

Here is the card from our friends :)  And his 3 dollars!!

And the adorable cupcakes they got him...

On Saturday, 9-10-11 ....   we had his party.  Just a little party with some neighbors, Ashley & Nana and Papa.  I joked we were going to have his party on 9-10-11 at 12.... LOL, thanks to his Auntie Sarah - she said it first, I just thought it was funny ....  ANYWAY - we told everyone to just come over whenever, around dinner time...

We got some salsa bean dip, veggies, some croissant sandwiches, some crackers, meat & cheese ....  some fruit, amazing bacon wrapped jalapeno stuffed chicken ... and of course - CAKE!!  We found an AMAZING cake.....   COOKIE MONSTER ...

I asked the lady in the bakery .... who was rather.... um..... cantankerous ...  she saw me standing there, and standing there... and standing there..... and she makes a phone call, and when she gets off the call, after a few more minutes, she goes "can I help you with something?" 

Um... no, I was just standing here for fun.......... "Yeah I'd like you to write something on the cake"

"I can't write anything on the cake, I'll have to write it on the board" ....

I realized there wasn't much clearance between the cookie monster frosting fur and the cake top.... "That's fine," I told her.

"What do you want it to say?" 

"Happy 3rd Birthday Kaedyn," I told her, "and I'll have to spell his name for you because it's spelled differently"

So she takes the piping bag and writes on one side, and then switches to the other side, and asks me how to spell it, and then she hands it to me ...   and this is what it says...

 Not only does she write "Happy 1st Birthday" but she writes his name ON the sticker! What the heck people!!  Yeah , let's just write on a sticker that makes a great picture - don't even ASK me if I want the sticker off!  If we pull it off, it's going to says "Kaedun" ... UGH! ... I saw this immediately and looked at Dennis, told him under my breath ... and he goes, "we'll get some frosting and fix it at home" .... I seriously want to make a complaint....  i

Doesn't change the fact that the cake was a bit amazing.....   And I do find it a little funny because I found this AMAZING blog called  CAKE WRECKS  ... Husband & Wife, Jen & John, decided to create a blog which celebrates amazing cakes on Sunday's and has a little fun with cake blunders through the week.   And trust me, some of them are hil-ar-i-ous!  You really MUST check them out!

The party was fun though, but it was super hot in our apartment - so instead of dressing the kids up all cute, I figured I'd let them be as comfortable as they could, in just their diapers...   with that said, here is my mostly naked birthday boy reacting to seeing his cake for the first time ......

He gasped and covered his mouth with his hands.... it was PRICELESS .... then he was saying "Cookie Monster" in his own way ....  cuz nothing comes out super clear from his mouth...

Then when I was taking pictures of the cake ...  (excuse the blurriness but it was my cell phone cuz the batteries died in my camera so I was charging them quick... and he was in motion)

 Yep, that's right........ Mr. Kaedyn was eating his name on the "White Cake" sticker....  AND getting a little cookie monster fur too...

Then he objected to me covering it back up .... now, I don't know if he's thinking .... "How do I get back in there?" or "Are you looking at me?"

 "Kaedyn, wheres' your cake?"  ..... As if I needed to ask....

 We blew out his candle....  (disregard the white, it was Daddy's attempt to fix the cake, I was to shaky to do it... but the frosting was to thick and hot.... it didn't work)

 This was him taking a DEEP breath to blow out the candle...  ROFLMBO!!!!

 2nd try ....

 3rd try is a charm!!  LOLOLOL

 And he got it that time!

Our friends & neighbors came over, Ashley stopped by, Nana and Papa came over for a few minutes....  there was crackers smooshed everywhere, frosting all over the floor and the kids...  it was fun.

Ashley gave him an outfit, that he wore today ....

 Super Kaedyn & Super Nathan ...

 He's getting so big

 Always in motion ......

 And he got a Dinosaur book from Nana and Papa which they already abused well loved and I need to fix... 

But for the last picture......... I want to share....... Kaedyn telling me how old he is....  (I won't mention I had to bribe him with chocolate..just to get the picture.) 

 He'll get his present from us next month :) 

My Baby is THREE ...

It wasn't a day filled with fun and fantasy, there wasn't even birthday cake!  We've had a busy stressful week for many reasons, one being my health issues and chronic pain.  While I was in the bathroom sick, both Nathan and Birthday-Boy Kaedyn were in there with me....  I was talking to them, cuz what else can you do when they bully their way into the bathroom while you are singing to the porcelain throne??  I asked Kaedyn how old he was.... 

Two!

No, you are THREE today ...

He looks at me....  "Nooooooooooooooooo, TWO"

Noooooooooooooooo THREE

We have this back and forth for a little while, and finally I get him to hold up three fingers .... THREE? he asks.....  YES! THREE ... 

YAY Kaedyn .....

Tomorrow, Daddy is going to get him a birthday cake.  Although, our friends brought him over cupcakes today, he didn't get to eat any because I ended up in Urgent Care.  (more on THAT later) ... 

It wasn't the day I had envisioned....   he got into every bit of trouble he could possibly get into ....  but all I kept thinking........ 3 years ago, we welcomed a very loud, free spirited child....  he's amazing :)

I started to put together collages for him.... of him ....  but only got his Newborn through 4 months done this week .. while being sick and appointments.....   so I'll leave you with those....

NEWBORN

 ONE MONTH

 TWO MONTHS

 THREE MONTHS

 FOUR MONTHS

Memory Lane: Kaedyn's Pregnancy & Birth

Wow..... it's that time of year again.  In 4 days (on Friday) ... my little boy - my baby - is turning THREE YEARS OLD.... 

THREE ... 

Pregnancy was tough in a way, it was wonderful because he was big and healthy, I was going to be able to have him at home (meaning in town, at the same hospital Calahan had been born at, and not 2 hours away where there was a level III NICU) ...   Course, I started to have contractions at 5 months thanks to some stupid girl and her last attempt to break up my marriage because she wanted her Knight in Shining Armor ...  and continued to have them through the rest of the pregnancy - thankfully, it didn't get serious ...

It all started one January night, when Dennis and I both woke up to what sounded like a gun shot - turned out to being tear gas shot into the place next door to us by the S.W.A.T. team ...  don't believe me?  I took pictures! Cuz I'm a good blogger like that!

Yep ....  I am a very dedicated blogger ....   I sneakingly take pictures of cops .... 

So...  there were a ton of tests to be had for the next few weeks - because I was scared to death of having another miscarriage ...  losing yet another baby ... 

Of course initially you are so shocked the damn test is positive ....  scared to believe it of course...   but it was real....   and pretty soon ........

I couldn't see my feet ....... (20 weeks)

But regardless........ I got HUGE

And if you want to read a great (but long) post about the pregnancy .......  CLICK HERE

The day he was born..... we had to go to the hospital early afternoon.  The plan was, Dr. B was going to check an amnio to see if his lungs had matured enough for a c-section.  I was miserable.   Contractions ALL MORNING and they were really annoying me, I was trying to clean and nest, make sure everything was ready and .... having to stop for contractions, but I didn't want to say anything.  So I didn't.  I kept my contractions to myself, but close to the time we were suppose to go to the hospital and I was stopping and leaning against walls, and not being able to talk through them...  it was noticed. 

But I insisted on waiting.

And then we left, and I was crying on the way there .... thinking about being separated from the kids, especially Nathan.   He's sooooooo tiny still and not walking, not talking .... 16 months old - he was the size of a 6 month old at best...  in 3-6 month clothes...  and ....  I couldn't help but wonder how long it would take Kaedyn to catch up. 

We got to the hospital ...  and we're walking ... instead of dropping my 9 month pregnant body off at the door, he had me walk across the parking lot.  And in the middle of the road, infront of the hospital .. I stopped - complete stop - couldn't move.... why? contraction....   Dennis turns around and says the words he'll never hear the end of.  "Are you having a contraction??"  To which I replied.... "No, I just thought it would be fun to stop in the middle of the road."

Went in - started to register and she asks .... cuz it's policy ....  "Are you having contractions?" ...  I look at Dennis, he looks at me....  "Yeah...." LOL ...

We get upstairs and hooked up... turns out I'm having contractions every 2 minutes ... yep! EVERY TWO MINUTES.

It sounds stupid but ....  this was the first time I got to go into labor on my own.   Calahan, well, he needed threats to evict, now ... I started contractions in the hospital before they gave me pitocin - so I never got it - but I didn't go into labor on my own.  Noah was an emergency c-section ..  Nathan was a planned c-section ... .and Kaedyn was a planned c-section too but I was 38 weeks, unless the baby's lungs are mature or there is a reason to do the c-section (or I go into labor on my own) .. there isn't a justifiable reason to do one until the due date.  In my case, there was a good chance of my uterus rupturing if I went into labor. 

So ..... Doc Miracle comes in and starts his speech of amnio risks and blah blah blah that I had heard several times before from him ... (2 with Noah, 1 with Nathan, 2 with Kaedyn) ... and he stops dead in the middle of his speech... and he looks at the monitor ... and says "Boy, you really are having contractions ever two minutes aren't you?"  ... "Um, yeah" ...   "Change of plans, we're going to check you and depending on if and how far you are dialated, we'll go from there" .... SO he checks me, and I'm 3 cm dialated!!  GO ME!  And he looks at me and says "It's Baby Time!"

And for a very detailed, long, blog about the birth and hospital stay.....  CLICK HERE....

My Mini Me.........

Kaedyn and I look so much alike it's scary ...   a lot of people just take a look at him and know he's mine... don't believe me?

(Click on it to enlarge it if you'd like)

Emotional Vomit ....

With all the stuff going on right now...... I think I'm in a break down ......... trying so hard to keep everything happy and sunny ...  because that's who I am.  I try to always look on the bright side, find the fun in what seems not so fun... my family, we don't have it easy most the time, but damn it..... as long as we are together, that's all that matters.

Today .... I got a letter in the mail with my initial test results that made Doc Divine call me in the first place ... and by today - I mean yesterday, cuz it's after midnight!  ...  Anyway ...  everything is normal other then my HA1C ... (diabetes) ... and that's expected.  However, there are two Liver Enzyme tests that were ran.  My liver levels have been up since January when I started to experience pain on my right side, under and below my ribs.  I've carried this pain since then, gotten more use to it - and I've had a lot of pain since. So my liver levels were up, then they were going back down but were elevated....

But when I saw the letter with my test results - and the level they were at ..... I wanted to crawl under a rock.  My ALT (normal is between 8-40) and my level was 236.  That right there might make you go ....  oh my gawd ...  but it gets better!  My AST (normal is between 6-35) ... my level was at 493 on Thursday.

I am scared.  I'm going to say the same thing that I told Dennis...

SOMETHING is obviously very wrong.    I'm terrified.   Do you know how hard it is to have to think about what might happen to your family if you get sick?  I mean I'm already sick, but even more sick.

The pain I've been in has just gotten worse and worse ...  and not being able to take anything now, only makes me focus on it more.  I have almost been in tears several times today, but I've managed to hold it together.  Calahan knows there is something going on, but Noah doesn't, and the babies are to little to understand.  But I'm really scared, and so is Dennis.

Anyway - I was talking to one of my best friends, and she was all "I wanna see this gross cyst of yours, why haven't you showed me before" lol...  so I had to plug in my portable drive, and I started looking back on pictures from 3 years ago.

I was 9 months pregnant with Kaedyn, he'll be 3 in six days.........

I started off with this picture.... which was taken the day before he was born on 9-8-08

Huge me and my HUGE Sunflowers ... 

And then I showed her this picture ...

He was 16 months old and the size of a 6 month old at best..... wearing 3-6 month clothes...  his fingers were still webbed a bit and he couldn't straighten them, but he was getting close.... and he was such a happy happy little boy full of smiles and giggles and happiness ...  and even though he wasn't walking or talking he was amazing!  This was - of course - before the migraines and the autism hit ...  and it hurts me to look at these pictures of him so little but soooooooo happy because - I wish he was still this way at 4.  Don't get me wrong, he's still a happy funny little guy, but he was very interactive there, and now he just seems so distant...

 The very next day, Dennis and I made our little guy a big brother ...  and a few months later, his life changed ...  he started spinning, rocking, hiding, being generally miserable and not being the same sweet innocent little boy he was here.

I realized tonight .........

He has over come so much in the last 3 years ...... He has started walking, he is saying some words and signing some words - but I just want him to talk ....  I just want him to do be able to do something as simple as talking and telling me that he wants something, needs something, ask me silly questions ....  dare I say, tell me he loves me ... 

Ugh .... I hate emotional vomit ..... it's why I avoid it.  I don't look good crying :(  

But apparently - I do look like a cow!  This morning - while getting dressed, Kaedyn pointed at me and said ...

COW!

Um.... yeah, thanks son!   No I didn't have a cow on my shirt....  but to give him credit ...  it was black & white.... 

Crazy Week in Review....

First off ...  it has been a long long week.  Started off taking Nathan to Seattle ... he had his Cleft Palate Clinic that day, and it was long ...  detailed blog of it, if you are interested in reading ...  is here: August Update .... we were told that when he has (had) his hearing test, if it's not normal, then, he'll need surgery on his cleft palate.  So that hinged, totally on his hearing test.  And the speech lady, he saw there, is certain that he has a speech disorder based on seeing him for 20 minutes - that's all in that update too.  There is a video of Nathan talking over there on that blog, also.  And then on the 1st, Noah and Nathan both had their audiology appointments - hearing tests, their first since we've been here.  That update can be read here: Say What? ...  complete with pictures of Noah getting fitted for his hearing aid, because he has pretty significant hearing loss in his left ear both in his ear and nerves/bone, and his right ear is perfectly normal.  Nathan has a mild hearing loss.  His is in his ear not the nerve/bone - which says that cleft surgery is probably inevitable - and there is hope of it actually fixing his ears too. So it's been a long week full of bittersweet news ... all good because in the long run, our kids will improve but sad because - at least for Nathan - it means more surgeries.   So check out their blog (the links above) to read more detailed reports :)

 A few cute things ....

 Nathan started saying something the other day and ...  I didn't understand him .... so he mentally rolls his eyes at me, calls me a moron ... and points up!  I look up and see a RAINBOW and it all makes sense, he was saying main-row ...  yep...  so we laid in my bed for awhile, and mesmerized the amazing gift created by a lot of sunlight and a CD sitting on my desk... 

Do you see something wrong with this sign???

Um...  yeah, that's one of our local Subways....  (would so put a comment here but ....)

I got an email with Calahan's picture from this year in my email today ....  that's my Sophomore - he needs a hair cut....  

Now ...... for me, things are not going so well ....

I'm totally going to go TMI here ..... so in all fairness you can turn back now or totally skip to the comments section! LOL...

So ..... I had a phone call with my Doc Divine ...  cuz I'm cool like that, she calls me at home...  anyway, it was when Kaedyn was running his higher then hell fever and between talking about the child who was roasting himself from the inside out, we managed to talk about me.  I told her how the pain has been pretty unbearable - especially with stupid old Aunt Flo visiting when she wasn't invited, welcome or suppose to be around.  Being on birth control continuously to keep her at someone else's house.  Because I have issues with all that, I'm only suppose to break once a year for a visit...  well, she's been coming around every month regardless of invitation ...soooooooooo ....  Doc Divine wanted me to see her Lady Bits Doc friend ...  so I ended up getting in to see Lady Bits Doc the next day.  I went in there and had to go through my history, 17 pregnancies  ... 14 miscarriages.... 4 kids ... yes the math doesn't add up - my oldest son was a twin and I miscarried his twin ...  yes yes the math does make sense now ...  history of fibroids, and had a dermoid cyst... yep yep ...   and then..... she.... says...  the .... words....


Please undress from the waist down and she'll be right in .......

I actually cringed on the inside over what happened next.   I actually whined like a little girl and went "What? I don't want a pap today ...."  and I swear I ALMOST stomped my foot!!  :: sigh ::  She almost laughed at me and said "Well she's got to do an exam so that she can figure out what's going on."   AND THEN, I kicked off my shoes and whined "then she might as well do a pap cuz I'm overdue... "  The nurse left, and when Lady Bits Doc came in, I got to meet her with my pants off, talk to her with my pants off, and let her exam my lady bits, then talk MORE with my pants off.  We joked ...  and she told me how when she worked in Rhode Island, one of her patients had dermoid cyst, and after she had it removed, she told everyone it was her evil twin because once it was removed, all the voices in her head went away ...  she laughed and said "I think it's more like a pregnancy thing" ...... I laughed.  The way it was explained to me is that it's an egg that tries to make a baby on it's own .... they have teeth and hair.... and mine, had hair.... trust me, I know, Dr. Miracle back in WI took pictures for me even though when he asked, I told him I didn't want any - wanna see?  I still have them!

Anyway .... she felt a tumor on the outside of my uterus and we're hoping it's a fibroid ... but I'm scared, of course.  She also says that my uterus is "enlarged" and she's not sure if it's 4 baby enlarged or enlarged for other reasons, but since I'm so tender over my uterus and on my right side especially over my right ovary where I think I have a cyst... so she wanted me to have an ultrasound and she wanted to check some blood work......

Now here is where it gets interesting .....  I had a blood work order for almost a month from Dr. Divine .. it was a fasting one, and I just hadn't made it down there - fasting - so I hadn't done it.  But they pulled all the blood work other then the one that needed to be fasting ...

Yesterday (the 1st) - the day after the blood work ...  Doc Divine calls us up and we're about to walk out the door to leave for Seattle...   so she says my liver levels are way up and first thing she asks me is .....

Are you yellow? 

Um........... no.....  then she asks if I have pain and if I'm vomiting ...  I say yes to the pain, I have had that pain since my liver issues started and as for vomiting, no .. but I'm continuously nauseated...  okay okay ...  she says ... I don't want you drinking any this weekend ... no tylonel .. no drugs ....  I said "Dang, there goes my weekend!" totally as a joke, which - luckily - she totally gets ...  and says,  "yeah, no magic mushrooms for you!" ...  ha ha ha ... and she adds that she doesn't want me taking my metformin for my diabetes too.  She wants me to completely stop.... and she's going to call me on Tuesday and hopefully have a plan ...  while we're driving to Seattle she calls me back and says ... "I talked to my co-worker and we think that we want you to come in for an ultrasound on your liver and a CT Scan tomorrow..." .... ooooooh kay?  She likes to play off things a little - so that you don't worry ...  but, I worry.

So today (the 2nd) I've got a lady bits ultrasound, a liver ultrasound, and a CT scan ...  lucky me!  While waiting for the first ultrasound Doc Divine happens out of her clinic area and says "I recognize that face" and I look up from my book.  We talk for a few, and I ask her "are my levels that bad? Like way beyond my previous high?" and her whole demeanor is just worrisome because she's acting like she doesn't want to say to much to worry me ... but she tells me, yes they are really high.  She says, probably - on Tuesday, she's going to have to set me up with a G.I. Doc ... I'm like ... okay ... but literally, she's concerned and worry on her face even though she's trying NOT to ... so it makes me worry more...

I get back there and they decide to do the liver (and other organ) ultrasound first ...  now, I have sensitive bones - I blame my CFS ...  and so her pushing on me hurt like hell ... and the ultrasound chick was SO TALL ... I mean, ten foot easy!  Seriously though - she had to have been almost seven foot ...  anyway ...  after that was done, I get to drink ........ this........

Mixed Berry Contrast......  I could have had Banana .. but I passed...  Mixed Berry it was.  And really - about half way through, I'd take a gulp, and gag badly.  Every gulp after that, gag gag gag....  and she comes in when I first started it, told me I had to drink faster, so I drank half pretty good and then - down hill ... but I managed to get it all down.  Then she started on my lady bits ultrasound.......

..... and stopped.......

Why?  Well one simple reason ....  apparently my bladder wasn't full enough.  Never mind it's after 1pm... almost 2pm... and I haven't pee'd since 8am! I drank 2 bottles of water, and then all that chalk contrast... and my bladder wasn't full enough?

So I wait for awhile.... pants pulled down to my hips, towel tucked in, but flipped up over my tummy so I'm not all .... EXPOSED .... reading ... then she comes in, shuts off the light, checks....   nope.... gets up, flips on the light, leaves...... reading ........... comes back ...  "okay I can kinda see ...  if I look at your bladder this way it doesn't look full but if I turn it this way" she flips up the ultrasound thingy "it looks HUGE!" lol... geez ...  then the other lady comes in and says "we don't have time to do it, CT is going to come get her in about 10-15 minutes" ...  so she stops.  I have to reschedule for the lady bits... great......

So then I reschedule and sit and wait for CT ... and when I get taken back to the tin trailer in the parking lot for that.... I get to ride the huge loading ramp...  the guy tells me they are going to do an IV for some contrast and I'm like ... whoaa... I know I signed all that paperwork but I'm just going to let you know upfront, I am likely to freak out on you ...  just fair warning ...   so we get in there and he has me take off my bra ... then I lay down, then get up to drink MORE chalk contrast.... and then the doctor looking guy comes in and talks to me about beaches and blah blah - trying to calm me down ....  and he manages to get the IV in on the first try with out me crying or killing him ...  I got to ride in the machine for awhile and follow the breathing instructions of Mr. Machine ... got the nice warmth of the contrast being shot into my veins through the IV ...  got to ride the machine and listen to the voice of Mr. Machine giving me breathing instructions some more....  and then I was done....

Then, remembering that I thought Doc Divine said something about more labs, I stopped in there to see if there was and sure'nuff .... there were a lot of labs marked "STAT" ... meaning they had to process them there - and not send them out ...  so in full discloser  I told her about the fasting, only had water, but I'd just had a CT and had contrast .... and after checking around, got a "I think we can do these" so she did them all.

I walked out of the lab, said "Just call me a pin cushion" followed by "Let's get out of here before they decide to do something else to me."

I'm worried, freaking out... thinking the worst ... hoping for the best...  appreciating any prayers ...  I can't take any pain meds so I'm getting worn out real fast with all the pain ...  already ...  in addition to the issues above, I've been losing weight even though I'm not doing anything different to TRY to lose weight, I'm just losing it ... everytime I go in, I've lost weight ...  and I've noticed that my hair is falling out in small bunches, I can touch my hair, run my fingers through it, pull it back, and I have tons of hair all over my hand ... not just a strand or two ...  a lot... but I don't mean big clumps either....  and there is other stuff going on too...  ugh..

Doc Divine is calling on Tuesday to talk to me......
Wednesday is attempt two at the lady bits ultrasound.....