Uplifting Visit ....

I have about 8 girls I consider my best friends.  One of them - decided to pay me a visit.  It was spur of the moment, and very needed, for both of us.

She got here on Sunday, October 28th - and left November 3rd.

The day she arrived we went over to Seattle to pick her up.   

 

Here is a pic I took of the mountains that morning a few blocks from my house...

 View of the Space Needle from the ferry ...

 City of Seattle from the ferry .... you can see the Farris Wheel ...

 Amtrak Station ....

The King Street Station was turn into the "King Tut Street Station" .... 

I didn't take any pictures after we picked them up cuz they had been on a train for 2 days and they were tired and wanted to shower and such.  But we ended up going to my Mom & Step-Dad's for a huge Ham dinner that was really good :)   Then we went home and we laughed and chatted and it was so wonderful :)

Monday - I woke up at 1am sicker than a dog (I caught what ever tummy virus Kaedyn had I think) and Lisa woke up sick too.  We literally - both - slept all day - we were that sick.  It was no fun.  Not to mention it was the ONE DAY THAT WEEK that was really nice.

Tuesday - We really didn't do anything other than sit around and talk and just have fun being together.

Wednesday - Halloween - a lot went on.  Kaedyn had a DR appt that I had to take him to - it was a stressful day for Lisa and Dennis .... there was a scene with a friend that was couch surfing ...  and things didn't end well.  Needless to say - it was over by the time I got home with Kaedyn, and then we had to go get my mom from work (since I was borrowing her van) ... so we packed up all the kids and such, and left.  I shared pics from that day .....

Thursday - it was still pouring.  But we went to Poulsbo and I showed them the Norwegian fantasticness that is downtown. 

Noah and Ivy have been friends since birth.  Noah is 10, and Ivy is 9.  He's small for his age, and she's huge for hers.  We've (Lisa and I) often joked that they are going to get married.  Ivy - I guess - tells her friends that her "boyfriend lives in Washington"... lol...  and they were each other's first kiss. 

 Mr. Kaedyn  (Nathan wasn't with us, he was still at school when we left, so he took the bus home where he was met by Daddy & Cal.)

 Ivy and Noah

 Kaedyn

 Lisa and I

 Neither of us likes our pic taken... LOL...  so we screw around

 He's gonna get us!!!!!!!!

Some pretty pics I took.. ...

And then there was this bird....  on a ball....   Looooooooook at me ...

 Another duck comes by ...  loooooooooook at my wings........ they are fabulous ....

 I am a happy, amazing, bird on my throne...

Halloween 2012

So .... we had company for Halloween and it POURED RAIN HERE for DAYS ...... and Halloween was one of them.  So for the first year in my kids lives......... we ...... didn't....... trick... or ..... treat. 

I just couldn't see dragging them around in the cold rain when Noah would want to go home after 10 houses anyway, Kaedyn doesn't like dressing up and Nathan ...well... he wouldn't have cared. 

REGARDLESS ...... I could not take them out and risk Noah and Nathan getting sick.  (Turns out it wouldn't have mattered as I'm listening to *cough*Cough*cougH* COUGH*cOUGh*  anyway ... 

But I wanted to share a few things from Halloween.  

First off - we were NOT unpacked (still aren't) but I was so happy to FINALLY be able to put out my Halloween stuff.  Because of the move, I'm not sure it EVER felt like Halloween  ... but....  it was better than nothing. 

Some of our inside decorations - we had signs all over - also....

Outside ....

And we did some fun creative stuff this year, like.....  we took spaghetti jars and drew pumpkin type faces on them.  Then put candles in them.

And a friend of mine posted this idea from Pinterest ... and so we did it also.....   we took milk jugs and cleaned them out (of course) ...  drew pumpkin type faces on there (and one for Autism!) and then cut holes in the back (we cut flaps) ... and put Christmas lights in.   I'm actually allergic to pumpkins - so this was something nice I could really do... 

We also cut holes in toilet paper rolls - like eyes - and put duct tape on the ends with a glow stick inside.  Then - put it inside a bush - as if the bush has eyes or there are creatures peering out!  Lots of fun!!

Here is a flash pic of what it looked like

And of course my kids!

This is Noah's best friend Ivy - she's a year younger than he is (he's 10, she's 9) ...  they've been BFF's since they were born.   It really shows ya how small Noah is for his age, but then again, Ivy is gigantor for her age.

Kaedyn was a "football player" ..... he wouldn't put on a costume.

I didn't actually get a picture of Nathan on Halloween cuz we didn't put his costume on before we left (to go see Nana) because we had to take it off to be in the car.   But here are the ones I took when we got the costume.

He will be wearing this dinosaur all year cuz he lubs it a lot.

Even Marnie got a costume .... Sock Monkey!!

The Day After..........

I am not one who normally talks about Politics .......   but I just have to say a few things. 

Back in 2000 - during the Bush and Gore election, I voted for Gore.  Then the whole election craptasticness pissed me off to the point where I did NOT vote for the following two Presidential elections.  It made me feel like my vote didn't count.  Gore had more votes, but not more electoral votes, and I just felt so disheartened .... 

I didn't vote in 2004 cuz I knew Bush was going to win again, and I knew my vote wouldn't matter. 

I didn't vote in 2008 because I didn't like either of the candidates and even though I thought it would be amazing to be a part of the whole "First Black President" in office in my lifetime, I wasn't convinced he was the right guy for the job. 

Let's be honest....  Bush Jr. left an unbelievable mess for the 43rd Prez to clean up.  You name it, it was craptastic.  Our country started out screwed up when Obama went into office in 2005.  And it's messed up to blame him for the way Bush Jr. left things.  It took 8 years for Bush Jr. to screw up this country .. you can't expect Obama to fix it in 1 or 2 years.   It'll probably take Obama and who ever comes AFTER Obama to fix it.  Seriously - let's put blame where it belongs. 

Am I happy with everything Obama has done........ no......  but then again, we could blame Congress for that too. 

But this year ...... I voted.   For the first time in 12 years ...... I voted.   YAY for voting.   And guess who I voted for!  It wasn't for "Oven Mitt" or "Romney Noodles" ...  or whatever I feel like calling him that particular moment.... 

Why?

The biggest thing - his 47% comment.  Being someone who is poor - especially when the situation is what it is.......  I don't take lightly when someone says they - basically - aren't the POOR PEOPLE's President .....

The Quote "There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

I (We) have paid taxes EVERY YEAR OF OUR LIVES .....  I don't feel entitled but I am GRATEFUL for any help we can get.  We aren't milking "welfare" ... we are in a bad situation and trying to figure a way out.  But to grouped in this comment because we are the the "Lower-Class" really irritated me.  And of course, OF COURSE, he's going to apologize and try to smooth things over, but the damage was already done. 

So all I have to say is - that 47% kicked your butt Oven Mitt.  Maybe next time you decide to run for President - you should worry about EVERYONE, including us gutter rotting poor. 

No matter who wins, people are going to be mad, and dramatic and sit there and cry in their morning cereal.   Everyone has things they are passionate about and that they stand firm on ....  and that's what makes us human and not Stepford Wives (or husbands?). 

And then he attacked poor Big Bird.........

What did Big Bird ever do!?!?

THE QUOTE: "I'm going to stop the subsidy to PBS. I'm going to stop other things. I like PBS. I love Big Bird. I actually like you too, but I'm not going to spend money on things to borrow money from China to pay for."

PBS is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization ... just like all the other nonprofit organizations, I'm sure they do all the fund raising they can (which we all know cuz we've all tuned in during their fund raising attempts.)  .... so if he's going to stop one nonprofit organization that actually helps our children learn ..... in a fun way ...... then what's next. 

So ...... this says to me....  Romney Noodles is anti-poor and anti-education.   Big Bird agrees ... 

Oh and I know - there are going to be some (lots) that don't like my comments and want to set me straight ......  but remember, I don't like politics, so I don't care.   You'd be wasting your breath.  

But I am sorry some of my friends aren't happy.  I'm sorry that they feel let down and disillusioned like I did way back when.  

In other news .......  Washington State had a big night.   First off.........  the right for Gay's to marry was APPROVED!  YAY!!!!   

I am - obviously straight and married to a man - however, I fully believe that everyone has the right to have the right to marry who they love.  And there is a huge gay community in Seattle that was dancing in the streets last night (literally) .....  

And then there is the whole ....... Pot .............. Thing.  

I'm not a fan.  Just not.  I think it's ridiculous that this was passed.  "We can tax it" .... yeah but what about the increase of people who are high out there driving - more DWI's and more people getting killed on the streets (course this is my opinion.)   There is a ton of chatter on facebook this morning - people talking about how they are so excited to have had this passed and planning all sorts of ..... medicinal baking.   Although I find it amusing, I don't agree with it.  

I have a neighbor who smokes it around her kids.  And it pisses me off.  I don't care if she has a medical need where she gets it through her doctor or not, she shouldn't be doing it where her kids - or others - can get high off the second hand smoke.... it's not right.  People can argue it's natural and it's an herb - and to that - I could say - so is Oleander .....  bake that in some brownies and see how you feel after.   Or how about some Nightshade.  It's natural...  I bet it'll make you feel real good!




Just because something is out there, growing and untouched by man, doesn't make it okay to consume. 

Course........ again...  that's just my close minded opinion. 

A friend of mine posted this on my facebook last night with the caption ........

"I heard ya'll had a new restaurant in town!"

Colorado also passed this ........  so now all the pot heads will be rushing to Washington or Colorado.  Prepare for population increases in those two states.  People are packing up as we speak. (er....  read).

So again ....... Congratulations President Obama ....  I hope that you continue to make moves to fix our country and I hope that you see where you can make more improvements to help our country become better. 

And for those of you who aren't happy with the results ...... of the Presidential election or even your local ones....  just remember .....

Chaos Ensues.....

I am up to my eyeballs in boxes  ........ EYEBALLS ..   We started moving on the 17th and we finished on the 24th.  We were just moving 10 feet down ....   from an upstairs apartment into the ground floor apartment directly below us.

Why would we do something like that?

Well - for a few reasons....

1: My kids like to run around and jump and stomp and it's hard to stop them, especially when one is autistic....  and I know how *loud* it can be below us....

2: My kids couldn't go out to play much, mostly because of the previous tenants in this unit (I will explain more of this later) ...

3: Dennis is in a wheelchair because he can't walk ....... because he can't walk...... up.... the...... stairs.  That's right... wheelchairs don't go down stairs easy.   This way he can go outside and take the babies to the bus and all sorts of things......  he can be more involved.

Our house is a little calmer thanks to my not needing to yell at the boys every time they have a temper tantrum kicking the floor or chasing each other up and down the hall cuz it's raining out and they can't go run around outside, and it's easier cuz I can just shoo them outside and tell them to stay where I can see them...... so they can run that crazy energy they have out.

And I'm thankful the crazy neighbors that lived here before are gone.  SO .............. glad.

The guy - we'll call him *Ed* ...  he had PTSD due to military stuff....  he was constantly going off and starting fights and yelling.  He would be outside yelling the f-word and various other profanities .. he didn't care that my kids could hear....  none of them cared that they make our life hell because my kids couldn't go out on the porch or go outside because who knew what a fight would start ...  I mean he was so irate most the time he'd be slamming the door, cussing up a storm, slamming things, breaking things...... it was like the Crazy Neighbor we had when we first moved here all over again.  Then he would scream their personal business outside.   For example, his wife *Mary* had a girlfriend named *Gail* and they moved into the apartment together at first.  *Mary* and *Gail* had a relationship *wink*wink* ...... and there would be yelling and screaming about *Gail* buying *Mary* battery operated toys *wink*wink* and how *Mary* was having dirty showers with an ex boyfriend ..... See ... *Ed* didn't move in until a little after the ladies did.  Apparently *Mary* and *Ed* patched things up a little but *Mary* and *Ed* had their relationship and *Mary* and *Gail* had their relationship and we caught *Ed* and *Gail* having relationships on the stairs!  So apparently ....  it was a not so happy tri-fold.   So *Ed* would often be on his phone yelling at the courts or the cops or whomever about some charges against him .....  and how they weren't allowing him his civil rights and he was going to call the FBI and the CIA and the President himself to fix it.  Yeah...... it was that kind of crazy.   And then they would sit there and spread their crap all over the outside lawn to the point where if Dennis did have an appointment and need to get down the stairs or down the sidewalk - he couldn't or they'd have to move stuff or if they didn't, he'd have to go in the grass.  It was stupid.  But yet they'd bitch - mostly *Gail* - if the kids tv was too loud.  Why should she have to sit out in her patio garden and listen to kids shows.  It should be peaceful.  If the kids played on the patio - stuff would fall through the cracks of the patio .... and they'd bitch about that.  And we all know - if my "Elephants" were running around ...... *Ed* would take a stool and bang on the ceiling leaving holes --- true story.    And when we did what we needed to move down here .... the manager of our place, we said how we were really glad they were gone and she said "He got kicked out of my office once.  I told them he was never allowed back up here cuz of the way he talked to me and yelled at me, cursed at me, and called me names.......but no one ever complained about them when they were here ....  but now, everyone is saying how glad they are that they are gone."   Well yeah, we were all scared of them.

They had some bad energy around them.  Baaaaaaaaad.

We're all glad they are gone.

And I'm glad that the move is done - but ....... OMG - unpacking is the devil.

Anyone want to come unpack for me? 

Actually - I could get help - but I literally have to go through everything.  Things are going to Goodwill!  I already condensed the kids toys down to ONE toybox (they had 3) ........

So I'm up to my eyeballs with boxes ....... and tomorrow, we have company coming from Wisconsin. One of my best friends (one of the five ladies I consider my sisters) ...  and my niece Ivy.

Ivy and Noah have been betrothed since Ivy's birth!  She's a year younger than Noah and taller....  and they were each other's first kiss.  Course, apparently their older brothers who have been friends since they were 3 - peer pressured them into it.......... but that's beside the point! ....

We are extremely excited for our company - not so excited about the moving mess that still exists .

Let's be Honest ....

Let's be honest ........

I am feeling a little lost right now.  Do you ever find yourself lost  ...  who you are....  what is your purpose in life is? 

Who am I?

I don't even know right now.

A year ago I was in school - working towards a goal.  I'm not sure what goal - but I loved being in college.  Exercising my mind.

At the same time, I couldn't focus on the kids.   Deadlines for homework, constantly thinking of what work I had left to do....  How I was going to juggle and balance and get everything done.

Who am I?

Sometimes, most the time .....  I just feel like Noah and Nathan's mom.  Not excluding Calahan and Kaedyn....  but ..... they don't have ten times the appointments.

I answer the phone.

"Is this Nathan's Mom?" 

Yes....

People hear my story - the story of my life.   4 kids, 15 miscarriages, two kids with pretty extensive medical issues, a husband who is disabled now ...

Everything is on me....   it feels like the weight of the world is..........

....... right.........

....... on ......

.... me....

"You are such a strong person!" 

Am I?

"You have so much on your plate!" 

I do.  

I spent 75 minutes on the phone today with a social worker from the insurance company today ... well... yesterday - cuz it's 2am and I can't sleep. 

I slept for a few hours - but I can't sleep now.  Wide awake now.... 

Anyway - I spent over an hour on the phone today ...  talking about Noah and Nathan.   About their medical issues ....  and the funny thing is - we didn't even touch on everything that's wrong with them.  They have so much stuff going on - I can't keep it straight anymore.

All my kids, my family ....  everything I've had to deal with - medical history, past and present issues....  

ADHD, ODD, Unknown Bleeding Issues, Night Terrors, Sleepwalking, Dysgraphia, Broken Bones, Anxiety, PTSD from Bullying, Molestation,  Prematurity, Micro-Preemie Weight, Mosaic Trisomy 16, ASD, VSD, Natural Circumcisions, Hypospadious, Hernias, Jaundice, Sensory Issues, Speech Delays, Low Muscle Tone, C-Diff, Kidney Failure, Hearing Loss, Hearing Aids, Craniosynostosis, Dyslexia, 2-Vessel Cord, IUGR, Dandy Walker Variant, High Soft Closed Cleft Palate, Feeding Issues, Torticollis, Bifid Uvula, Russell-Silver Syndrome, Hypothyroidism, Failure-to-Thrive, Scoliosis, Undescended Testicle, Autism, Migraines, Brain Malformations, Dyspraxia, Non-Verbal, Eczema, Allergies, Bi-Polar, Depression, Military PTSD, Diabetes, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Asthma, daily injections for Nathan and myself, whatever the hell it is that is making my husband not be able to walk and all the other symptoms that is going on ........

That's .... not even everything.  That doesn't cover the stress, the confusion, frustration, financial struggles, worry, the IEPs, therapy, medications, screaming, fighting, everyone needs mom right now......

"God only gives you what you can handle...."

So why haven't I broken? 

"If you need anything, let me know?"

What am I suppose to ask for?  Money?   Can someone increase the amount of hours in the day?  The number of arms/hands I have?  Come clean my house!  But I'm not comfortable with people cleaning my house, it's not their mess, it's not their responsibility.   I can't get out of the house, we don't have the money.  I have no time for my hobbies, I don't even really blog anymore - vent, purge - because I don't have time.  Energy, that's a joke, right?  I live in pain - but I have to get up - every - day - and - push - on.  

I wonder ........  when am I going to break.  Isn't that enough to handle?  Isn't that too much?

"How do you do it?"

I get up everyday and smile at my kids, laugh with my husband, joke around and make memories.  I get frustrated, I get annoyed ....   I love my family and it's the hand I have been given.

If I could change one thing?  Would I?   Could I?   We wouldn't be who we are.  I love my family ....  

I just think I need to throw up my hands ......  and shout .......

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

What?? 

Oh we're moving?? 

It's 10 feet down (2nd floor apartment to the ground floor directly below us), but still....   let's pile on more .... more and more and more.....  

I can take it - I can handle it ......  I won't break.......  I don't have a choice....

I take care of everyone ......  who takes care of me.