Sunday, June 16, 2019

Life Changes ....


This is NOT how I expected my 2019 to be.  This is not what I had pictured my life to be a year ago...  I never expected to be a single mom again ...  like where the hell did my life turn and head down this road and one that I seemingly had ZERO control over....  

Let's discuss some numbers..... 


I have 74 "drafts" of blogs I intended to write, that I got partially done... and never finished.  Most of them because I got busy and never got back to it.... 


In a matter of 47 days I went from being "happily" married .... to seperated and on my own.... honestly, it was more like two weeks but.... yeah ...  because he slept in the living room and I knew he was leaving... .

It's been 47 days since he left ..... 


It's been 29 days since I left the apartment we shared, and moved back in with my mom because I cannot afford to live here on my own with the four kids....  hell I probably couldn't live by myself in WI right now either....  


It's been 95 days since my life changed with the words, "I'm not happy...."  followed by a few days later "I don't love you like a husband should." 


It's been one day since I finally changed my banner on my blog and took him out of it....  because... I'm a single mom now.  It's just me and the boys.  Me, the boys, my mom & dad, and our combined zoo of animals!  LOL .....  

I have a lot of things to share, I will be sharing as I can....  

I am desperate to get back into blogging because it is truly my therapy and how I cope with things...  

Much love!! 








Single Moms Responsible for Crime!



So who wants to discuss, cuz this graphic pissed me off....

I know that it's Father's Day and everything but I just read the stupidest shit ever! I was looking up SINGLE MOM GRAPHICS and came across this one that had the title of "Do You See This Piece of Shit" Pointing to the mom holding up her baby .... like seriously? So I have to read...

.... what the heck is making this mom a "piece of shit"?

It says..... (no need to struggle to read it, I typed it all up)

That's a single mom.
She looks harmless, doesn't she?
Yet single moms are a crime production facility.
Countless studies have shown that single motherhood ruins children's lives. Single mothers cause disproportionately high crime rates, mental health issues, drug abuse and education problems.
Single fathers do not have such a negative impact. It's the mother's that become destructive when not supervised by men.
43% of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household (39% with their mothers, 4% with their fathers, single mothers result in a disproportionately high number of criminals, single fathers do not); (US Bureau of Justice Statistics: 60% of rapists and 72% of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers (Behavioral Sciences and the Law, Life Without Father, Policy Review); 80% of pre-school children admitted as psychiatric patients came from fatherless homes (Psychiatric Hospitalization of Pre-School Children, J of the Am Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry), Abusive violence against children appears to be a function of poverty in mother-only homes but unrelated to income among single fathers (Child abuse and violence in single-parent families, Am j Orthopsychiatry); 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health/Census); 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live wiith only their mother (Dousing the Kindlers, Psychology Today); 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes (CDC); 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Rainbows for all God's Children); 71% of all highschool dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Assoc Report); 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Texas Dep of Corrections).
Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income (Economic Deprivations and Early Childhood Development, Child Development); The relationship between family structure and crime is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime (Putting Children First, Progressive Policy Institute).
40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse (Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers and Mothers, Am. J of Orthopsychiatry); Children living with their dads felt positively about moms, while children living with moms were more likely to think negatively of dads (Advantages of Father Custody and Contact for the Psychological Well-Being of School-Age Children, J of Applied Developmental Psychology); Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a purposeful, intentional attempt by one parent (typically the mother) to ruin the child's feelings for the other parent. Techniques used include false stories, deceptions, rumors and negative explanations of events. Children brainwashed by single mothers may develop hate towards their father or men in general, and may suffer from Stockholm Syndrome (SS), a psychological phenomenon in which victims have positive feelings towards their abusers, for example fatherless children who defend or glorify their abusive mother.

This graphic really pissed me off....

First off "43% of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household" ..... so that means that 57% didn't.... 

Do you know math, because I'm pretty sure that 57% is bigger than 43% ....

State-by-state analysis by Heritage scholars indicates that a 10 percent increase in the percentage of children living in single-parent homes leads typically to a 17percent increase in juvenile crime. The rate of violent teenage crime corresponds with the number of families abandoned by fathers.
via google

Let's talk about how many of those households are SINGLE MOTHERS not by their choice!  My husband left, I was not involved in that decision, he made it on his own.  

What about the mother's who's baby daddies are convicts and they didn't know that guy was trouble to begin with?  Or even just blind to it .... 

What about the mother's who's significant other's DIE? 

Let's say - for example - all the widowed mother's of 9-11.  Are you going to go up to them and say this shit to their faces?  Blame them for wrecking their child's life.  

Just because your Mommy spanked you when you were little doesn't mean all single mothers are "bad" .... 

............. are there bad single mothers?   HELL YEAH!  There are also bad single fathers!! There are also horrible two parent households......... 

way to bend the fucking statistics to meet your CRAP logic! 

In actuality - the RISE of crime rate actually parallels the amount of households where the father's abandoned their children.  

What about neighborhoods with gang violence?  That increases things A LOT!  

There are so many factors to these types of issues - but the bottom line is more the fathers abandoning their children than abusive mothers..... 

Do your own research.  But ya know, pig headed men will always be pig headed men.... always blaming the woman and trying to make themselves superior! 

Fuck that shit.  Obviously an abusive asshat of a man wrote this shit - who thinks women should be kept locked in the house completely under his control..... 

"It's the mother's that become destructive when not supervised by men" ........ yeah..... I wanna see them have a baby.... a lot of men can't even handle cold!!

And I'm not saying there aren't good men out there... or that all dad's abandon their kids... there are good men, there are good fathers, and there are families that stay together and split up that do the best they can.  

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Best Intentions...

A lot has happened since I last blogged.  Like...

.... got bit by a poisonous spider....
............ ended up in the hospital because of it ....
... Oh and I'm gonna be getting a divorce! 

So yes, a lot is going on ... 

.......... I should be blogging every day - and I do have a "secret" blog that I'm blogging about my feelings right now ...  probably safer that way. 


So blogging is going to happen more... because it needs to. 

Happiness is a choice ..... and a destination... no matter what, I will choose happy ... (me)



Saturday, January 26, 2019

SAT-er-PAIN

I did not sleep well last night at all ... infact, I didn't sleep at all ....  I didn't actually get any sleep until about 5am or so ... then I slept for maybe 3 hours?  Then through out the day, it's been ....  nap for an hour here, nap for an hour there ... nap for five minutes and get woken up ..

So now that it's 5:30 PM .......  I'm finally A W A K E ..... :::sigh:::

Such is my life....  I mean, I get on a normal schedule and BAM.....

......... insomnia and pain .........

That sounds like a really bad alcoholic drink....  or a bad band .... not sure which ...



Yes Bartender.....  I'd like an INSOMNIA AND PAIN please... 

It looks pretty but instead of making you feel a little buzzed, it makes you ugly cry....

I wish I drank .... especially some days with my kids.  I wish I drank,  I especially wish I was a wine drinker ...  cuz, I'd love nothing more than to just sit back and be a wino .... I'm a classy girl! I wanna go to wine tastings and those painting and wine classes ...  lol .... ::sigh::

But I don't like wine, or beer, or alcohol ...  I can't stand that alcohol taste ....

.......... I don't even like coffee and I'm living in a coffee mecca ...  there is a Starbuck on every corner .... in every grocery store!

Anyway ..... I've had a rough day to say the least.  I haven't been feeling well and my hands (that have been bothering me for a long time have been REALLY bad today.

So naturally between naps I played on Snapchat ....





Ending with this picture of my bed demon ..... he'll stare at you all night long ....


There has been a lot of stuff going on the last month ...  besides the normal everyday stuffzzz .... but I just haven't been sure what all I want to share.  Now, I'm an open book - but this isn't exactly my story to tell either.  It effects my life, yes ....  but it's just less my story and as some point I have to respect that of my kids.

Friday, January 25, 2019

Fri-Nally!


So I got up this morning and took a shower ... I hate how over the last couple years my natural curls in my hair have literally disappeared...  grrrrr I miss my curls!


Today I just wanted to take it easy and try to relax and re-coup from the last could of days.   So Snapchat... lol... 





The pink hair below, is actually kinda cool ... my husband says no nose ring though ...  bahahahahahha

The best part of my day (<--- that's sarcasm) ... is when we got a call saying Nathan's surgery for Monday is canceled because Dr. C doesn't like that he's gained so little weight but ... ya....  besides the first year after the G-Tube - he didn't really GAIN weight - he goes up and down and up and down and since the G-Tube fell out, he's not been throwing up a lot, he has been eating more, he's always been more active ...  he's been HAPPIER .... 




And it just makes me a little mad that this surgery got canceled when his weight gain has been very little for the last couple years!  He's been dancing around the 45lb to 50lb range since April 2015 to this past fall - then when his tube falls out he finally seems to hit and surpass that 50lbs mark... 

.................. sooooooooo .......... yeah.   But whatever.  We didn't get the call until 5:30pm and we couldn't call the Dr to argue with him.  So yes, it would be much worse for Nathan to get the G-Tube stoma to get closed finally, after 6 months of it just being open with gauze over it, leaking...  much worse...   so let's leaving it open and leaking ... it's all good. 

::: sigh :::

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Thuuuuuuuursday.....



Early morning TV watching... LOL ....


So today I had to take DB and Cal to the college, drop them off ... go and get Elly from Pre-School, go wait at my Mom's work so that I could give her Elly so that when she got off work they could make their WIC appt (Elly is done with school at 1pm, Mom was done with work at 1:30om and then had to be at WIC at 2pm) .... Then after dropping off Elly we went home, then went to get Cal, came back, then after an hour or so went and got DB ... Then we did some running and then came home and pretty much both died.... on the spot.... 

Anyway - here is Kaedyn walking Elly to the van after school.  She was so excited to see him - Nonna was chopped liver, it was all about her Bubba .... she adores this boy and he adores her....  only more so in smaller doses these days... LOL ....


In the van waiting for Nana to get done, Bubba was playing her videos to entertain her ....


I.is.bored.   So I Snapchat filter myself..... 


When I went to go pick up DB, this is what I saw at the end of our driveway ... what I was tryng to get was the way the sun was gleaming off the air carriers .... but couldn't see them through the trees.  You can definitely see the Bremerton Bottle Neck in full force though ...

So after getting back home, and dying - we were watching Celebrity Big Brother only I didn't realize that my cat was the true star of the show!!! 


This I just love... LOL...  Alyvia and the moon (on TV)


And then here is Joy in front of my computer monitor ..... 

But seriously .....  active and my fibro are like oil and water - they won't mix. 

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Off to Seattle We Go ....


We left crazy early in the morning ... Nana and Elly took us over to Seattle for Nathan Pre-Op appointment ...

I adore being by the water.  LOVE it...  I am a true Cancer and I love to watch the water...  I have no issues being on the water.  I love it. 

(These were taken while waiting for the Kingston/Edmond's ferry .... )


'



We got to Children's and took a potty break before heading to the appointment .... I hung out with the Muskrats, I mean Rugrats....


We got taken back... Nathan is 52.9 lbs and 4ft 1.8 in.  (He was 52.3lbs and 4ft 1.7in on December 20th, the appt prior to that on December 7th ... he was 4 ft and a half an inch and 52lbs ...)  He doesn't gain well, but he never has...  however he IS gaining still ...


Nathan's not crying or upset, he's bored... LOL ... and trying to stay away from Elly because she annoys him for the most part.  He doesn't know how to handle her screaming or her touching him with his Autism and sensory issues.... 

We got slated for Monday - to get the blasted G-Tube site closed - FINALLY.  It's only been a big hole open in his belly for 6 months now...   YAY...  and it'll be our very first outpatient surgery! No overnight (or three) in the hospital!

On the way home when we were on the ferry  .... 




Katie found her way up on top of the highest point in my room (she's like an inch if even from the ceiling ...) ...  and then Joy copied....

I came home and just kinda crashed .... got a long day tomorrow too - but doesn't start AS early as today ....