The Tale of the Black-Toed Lady : Part 1

** WARNING : There will be some graphic photos **

THIS IS WHAT IS GOING ON:  Here’s the story – of the black toed lady …. Who didn’t want to go into the ER… but did…

Back in the end of July I got a virus, complete with 102 temp – it was like a flu type thing but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the flu.  At the same time – I spent sometime outside in the back – sitting on the patio for awhile.  I got a bunch of mosquito bites. Each of those bites were infected in a few days time.  I went in and got some antibiotics.  Finished the course, after a few days, they started being infected again – so I went into my reg. doc and got another round of antibiotics and he did a culture and blood tests.  Finished that course of antibiotics….  Which was about the 29th of August. 

So on the 1st of September I went on a walk at the collage with the boys.  While walking …. I wasn’t watching where I was going 100% and was talking to Nathan.  So while doing this – I was walking on the edge of the sidewalk and I ended up stepping on the edge with my foot half off of the sidewalk and my foot twisted sideways for a minute.  I just corrected the situation and kept walking.  My foot stung a bit but it was okay.  Later Sunday night it started to hurt more and more.  I got ice pack on it and was babying it a bit.  I thought it was sprained, didn’t think I broke it. 

But Monday – I went into Urgent Care just to be sure.  They did an x-ray and declared it was a sprain.  After I got home on Monday – later on that night, I noticed some of my non-completely healed wounds (mosquito bites) were becoming infected again.  Oye!

Tuesday rolls around and I called as soon as I woke up to try to get a same day appointment with my primary care provider …. I managed to get in.  So then I ended up going and getting gas (Cal did it) and then got Tina …. Then to the DR.  I went up – called back… I put my foot up on the chair next to me.. I told him what was going on – with the sprain and the wounds getting infected again.   He told me the cultures had results on them – I assumed they hadn’t because he normally would call.  He told me that I definitely had a strep infection in/on my skin.  Specifically, ….  Group B Streptococcal Hemolytic infection on/in my skin.  He also mentioned that I had a very low amount of Pseudomonas which he said is a rare thing to get. So who knows.  So he does another culture and RELUCTANTLY gives me a prescription for ten pain pills.  I think he did blood work, not sure – I don’t remember.  But he prescribes me two more antibiotics …. I go to drop off my pain med one, ask them if they got the antibiotics …. Nope.  So I start to try to look for them…. Um… eventually I called the clinic and they were lik….  “Yeah they went to Walmart!”  I don’t go to Walmart – well – I mean I do, but not for meds.  So I ask the lady that is filling in for my doctor’s normal assistant to send them to Walgreens … and I find out, only ONE got sent over instead of both.  Gah!!


Sidenote: This weird thing happaened - these veins pop'd out of my leg - it was odd .... 

Wednesday – I had an already (previously) made appointment to my diabetic doctor.   I needed to go and that morning when I woke up I had noticed that my toe had an ulcer and it looked like there was black skin around the wound.  This wound goes back a little bit – I stubbed it a couple months ago and it had split open and so I had been trying to get the toe to heal already.  So I told him what was going on because I’m worried about Necrotizing Tissue or even Gangrene … something isn’t right.  So my Diabetic doc says it’s likely just the strep and bring it up at Wound Care tomorrow ….. so I talked to him about the mix up with the prescriptions and he asked me which one got sent over – so I told him – He told me he’d send the other one to Walgreens and that way I could get it started ASAP …  So he sent it over, and adjusted my insulin dosage from 50 units to 55 units because the antibiotics were messing with my glucose.  Only – he ended up sending the EXACT same one in … oye!!  I ended up going home – getting in bed, and not moving much because it hurt.   I think I actually ended up falling to sleep for the night and went to bed early.
 

Thursday:
Right away in the morning, I had an appointment with Wound Care and so did my step-dad – so we all went together   LOL …..   He was in the hospital for 13 days due to an infection in his knee.  So funny that we have a lot of the same crap going on – but completely different crap too.  Anyway – we went there and they (Mom and Dad) filled out their paperwork and I got called back. So he (my Doc) didn’t want to “upset” my foot much.   He took one look at it and gasped.  I pointed out it was running away with the show, and that I was worried.  I showed him the pictures I showed my endocrinologist the day before and he winced at me.  He told me he wasn’t going to clean them out today (Thursday) he was just going to treat them and….. he did but didn’t clean them.   He looks at me – locked eyes – and said “If it gets ANY worse, you go in.”  Okay, I’ll go in …. I promised.   I already knew that – probably ….. would end up going in with in the next 24-48 hours

…

Friday morning – I woke up and it looked like the tip of my middle toe was black.  It was at least purplish/black …. and that’s soooooooooooo not normal.  So I messaged my mom… “gonna have to go into the ER” ….  She  messaged me back  “let me pick up your spawn first, then we’ll go in.”  I literally packed up like I was being admitted, because I figured …. That’s what was going to happen….  Part of me was like…. Maybe if I pack, I won’t be admitted, though ….  LOL…. Wishful thinking right?

So I finished packing.. and we left.  Headed to the ER.  Got there … went through triage….  The nurse asked me if I felt safe at home, and I said no….. the stairs were out to get me. She was amused.  I will joke and laugh my way through pain – that’s what I do …. But I do have a pain wall I’ll hit and thing it’s nothing but tears and sobbing.  Anyway …. I got through triage, waited a little while and got called back.    So I waddles back to a room.  The PA that saw me ordered blood work …. I ended up with an x-ray of my foot and blood work.  The x-ray seemed okay but the blood work… not so much.  So the white blood cells count was elevated … then he says that the sed rate isn’t good ….that it’s an inflammatory marker and  normal in a woman my age would be 20 or under.  Mine was 108.  So yeah – that’s concerning.  It was at that point that he told me it’d be his recommendation that I be admitted. 

It took a little bit, the Harrison Hospital Bremerton campus is usually filled on beds all the time.  They managed to find me a bed pretty quick.  They said room 405 before I left the Silverdale ER.  Then the ambulance showed up to transport me.  Mom met me there.  When we got there…. they put me in room 408 …. LOL ….  I was like – CRAP …. So I messaged my mom right away, told her, but she didn’t see it – lol - but the EMTs were still outside my room so she figured it out …

.

The room is nice.  It’s a single room.  Woooooooohooo!!  I have a small closet, my own bathroom (no shower) … a nice big window with the best view in the whole hospital.   I am pretty sure on a clear day, you can see Mt. Rainier on a clear day. 

I was solid all afternoon/night in the ER … and I managed to keep my shit together …  until a little while after my mom left.  She got my stuff up here – the stuff I packed and I had gotten two doses of morphine and was still in a crapload of pain.  It got to the point where I hit my pain wall – and I was up crying the rest of the night.  Literally – crying all night.  The nurse had called the DR to try to get them adjusted, and he wouldn’t …. I know she felt so bad – and I was literally up all night crying from the pain.  I had a new doctor the next day so – it got changed but yeah …. 

Life Changes ....

This is NOT how I expected my 2019 to be.  This is not what I had pictured my life to be a year ago...  I never expected to be a single mom again ...  like where the hell did my life turn and head down this road and one that I seemingly had ZERO control over....  

Let's discuss some numbers..... 

I have 74 "drafts" of blogs I intended to write, that I got partially done... and never finished.  Most of them because I got busy and never got back to it.... 

In a matter of 47 days I went from being "happily" married .... to seperated and on my own.... honestly, it was more like two weeks but.... yeah ...  because he slept in the living room and I knew he was leaving... .

It's been 47 days since he left ..... 

It's been 29 days since I left the apartment we shared, and moved back in with my mom because I cannot afford to live here on my own with the four kids....  hell I probably couldn't live by myself in WI right now either....  

It's been 95 days since my life changed with the words, "I'm not happy...."  followed by a few days later "I don't love you like a husband should." 

It's been one day since I finally changed my banner on my blog and took him out of it....  because... I'm a single mom now.  It's just me and the boys.  Me, the boys, my mom & dad, and our combined zoo of animals!  LOL .....  

I have a lot of things to share, I will be sharing as I can....  

I am desperate to get back into blogging because it is truly my therapy and how I cope with things...  

Much love!! 

Single Moms Responsible for Crime!

So who wants to discuss, cuz this graphic pissed me off....

I know that it's Father's Day and everything but I just read the stupidest shit ever! I was looking up SINGLE MOM GRAPHICS and came across this one that had the title of "Do You See This Piece of Shit" Pointing to the mom holding up her baby .... like seriously? So I have to read...

.... what the heck is making this mom a "piece of shit"?

It says..... (no need to struggle to read it, I typed it all up)

That's a single mom.

She looks harmless, doesn't she?

Yet single moms are a crime production facility.

Countless studies have shown that single motherhood ruins children's lives. Single mothers cause disproportionately high crime rates, mental health issues, drug abuse and education problems.

Single fathers do not have such a negative impact. It's the mother's that become destructive when not supervised by men.

43% of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household (39% with their mothers, 4% with their fathers, single mothers result in a disproportionately high number of criminals, single fathers do not); (US Bureau of Justice Statistics: 60% of rapists and 72% of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers (Behavioral Sciences and the Law, Life Without Father, Policy Review); 80% of pre-school children admitted as psychiatric patients came from fatherless homes (Psychiatric Hospitalization of Pre-School Children, J of the Am Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry), Abusive violence against children appears to be a function of poverty in mother-only homes but unrelated to income among single fathers (Child abuse and violence in single-parent families, Am j Orthopsychiatry); 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. of Health/Census); 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live wiith only their mother (Dousing the Kindlers, Psychology Today); 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes (CDC); 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Rainbows for all God's Children); 71% of all highschool dropouts come from fatherless homes (National Principals Assoc Report); 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Texas Dep of Corrections).

Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income (Economic Deprivations and Early Childhood Development, Child Development); The relationship between family structure and crime is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime (Putting Children First, Progressive Policy Institute).

40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse (Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers and Mothers, Am. J of Orthopsychiatry); Children living with their dads felt positively about moms, while children living with moms were more likely to think negatively of dads (Advantages of Father Custody and Contact for the Psychological Well-Being of School-Age Children, J of Applied Developmental Psychology); Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a purposeful, intentional attempt by one parent (typically the mother) to ruin the child's feelings for the other parent. Techniques used include false stories, deceptions, rumors and negative explanations of events. Children brainwashed by single mothers may develop hate towards their father or men in general, and may suffer from Stockholm Syndrome (SS), a psychological phenomenon in which victims have positive feelings towards their abusers, for example fatherless children who defend or glorify their abusive mother.

This graphic really pissed me off....

First off "43% of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household" ..... so that means that 57% didn't.... 

Do you know math, because I'm pretty sure that 57% is bigger than 43% ....

State-by-state analysis by Heritage scholars indicates that a 10 percent increase in the percentage of children living in single-parent homes leads typically to a 17percent increase in juvenile crime. The rate of violent teenage crime corresponds with the number of families abandoned by fathers.

via google

Let's talk about how many of those households are SINGLE MOTHERS not by their choice!  My husband left, I was not involved in that decision, he made it on his own.  

What about the mother's who's baby daddies are convicts and they didn't know that guy was trouble to begin with?  Or even just blind to it .... 

What about the mother's who's significant other's DIE? 

Let's say - for example - all the widowed mother's of 9-11.  Are you going to go up to them and say this shit to their faces?  Blame them for wrecking their child's life.  

Just because your Mommy spanked you when you were little doesn't mean all single mothers are "bad" .... 

............. are there bad single mothers?   HELL YEAH!  There are also bad single fathers!! There are also horrible two parent households......... 

way to bend the fucking statistics to meet your CRAP logic! 

In actuality - the RISE of crime rate actually parallels the amount of households where the father's abandoned their children.  

What about neighborhoods with gang violence?  That increases things A LOT!  

There are so many factors to these types of issues - but the bottom line is more the fathers abandoning their children than abusive mothers..... 

Do your own research.  But ya know, pig headed men will always be pig headed men.... always blaming the woman and trying to make themselves superior! 

Fuck that shit.  Obviously an abusive asshat of a man wrote this shit - who thinks women should be kept locked in the house completely under his control..... 

"It's the mother's that become destructive when not supervised by men" ........ yeah..... I wanna see them have a baby.... a lot of men can't even handle cold!!

And I'm not saying there aren't good men out there... or that all dad's abandon their kids... there are good men, there are good fathers, and there are families that stay together and split up that do the best they can.  

Best Intentions...

A lot has happened since I last blogged.  Like...

.... got bit by a poisonous spider....
............ ended up in the hospital because of it ....
... Oh and I'm gonna be getting a divorce! 

So yes, a lot is going on ... 

.......... I should be blogging every day - and I do have a "secret" blog that I'm blogging about my feelings right now ...  probably safer that way. 

So blogging is going to happen more... because it needs to. 

Happiness is a choice ..... and a destination... no matter what, I will choose happy ... (me)

SAT-er-PAIN

I did not sleep well last night at all ... infact, I didn't sleep at all ....  I didn't actually get any sleep until about 5am or so ... then I slept for maybe 3 hours?  Then through out the day, it's been ....  nap for an hour here, nap for an hour there ... nap for five minutes and get woken up ..

So now that it's 5:30 PM .......  I'm finally A W A K E ..... :::sigh:::

Such is my life....  I mean, I get on a normal schedule and BAM.....

......... insomnia and pain .........

That sounds like a really bad alcoholic drink....  or a bad band .... not sure which ...

Yes Bartender.....  I'd like an INSOMNIA AND PAIN please... 

It looks pretty but instead of making you feel a little buzzed, it makes you ugly cry....

I wish I drank .... especially some days with my kids.  I wish I drank,  I especially wish I was a wine drinker ...  cuz, I'd love nothing more than to just sit back and be a wino .... I'm a classy girl! I wanna go to wine tastings and those painting and wine classes ...  lol .... ::sigh::

But I don't like wine, or beer, or alcohol ...  I can't stand that alcohol taste ....

.......... I don't even like coffee and I'm living in a coffee mecca ...  there is a Starbuck on every corner .... in every grocery store!

Anyway ..... I've had a rough day to say the least.  I haven't been feeling well and my hands (that have been bothering me for a long time have been REALLY bad today.

So naturally between naps I played on Snapchat ....

Ending with this picture of my bed demon ..... he'll stare at you all night long ....

There has been a lot of stuff going on the last month ...  besides the normal everyday stuffzzz .... but I just haven't been sure what all I want to share.  Now, I'm an open book - but this isn't exactly my story to tell either.  It effects my life, yes ....  but it's just less my story and as some point I have to respect that of my kids.

Fri-Nally!

So I got up this morning and took a shower ... I hate how over the last couple years my natural curls in my hair have literally disappeared...  grrrrr I miss my curls!

Today I just wanted to take it easy and try to relax and re-coup from the last could of days.   So Snapchat... lol... 

The pink hair below, is actually kinda cool ... my husband says no nose ring though ...  bahahahahahha

The best part of my day (<--- that's sarcasm) ... is when we got a call saying Nathan's surgery for Monday is canceled because Dr. C doesn't like that he's gained so little weight but ... ya....  besides the first year after the G-Tube - he didn't really GAIN weight - he goes up and down and up and down and since the G-Tube fell out, he's not been throwing up a lot, he has been eating more, he's always been more active ...  he's been HAPPIER .... 

And it just makes me a little mad that this surgery got canceled when his weight gain has been very little for the last couple years!  He's been dancing around the 45lb to 50lb range since April 2015 to this past fall - then when his tube falls out he finally seems to hit and surpass that 50lbs mark... 

.................. sooooooooo .......... yeah.   But whatever.  We didn't get the call until 5:30pm and we couldn't call the Dr to argue with him.  So yes, it would be much worse for Nathan to get the G-Tube stoma to get closed finally, after 6 months of it just being open with gauze over it, leaking...  much worse...   so let's leaving it open and leaking ... it's all good. 

::: sigh :::

Thuuuuuuuursday.....

Early morning TV watching... LOL ....

So today I had to take DB and Cal to the college, drop them off ... go and get Elly from Pre-School, go wait at my Mom's work so that I could give her Elly so that when she got off work they could make their WIC appt (Elly is done with school at 1pm, Mom was done with work at 1:30om and then had to be at WIC at 2pm) .... Then after dropping off Elly we went home, then went to get Cal, came back, then after an hour or so went and got DB ... Then we did some running and then came home and pretty much both died.... on the spot.... 

Anyway - here is Kaedyn walking Elly to the van after school.  She was so excited to see him - Nonna was chopped liver, it was all about her Bubba .... she adores this boy and he adores her....  only more so in smaller doses these days... LOL ....

In the van waiting for Nana to get done, Bubba was playing her videos to entertain her ....

I.is.bored.   So I Snapchat filter myself..... 

When I went to go pick up DB, this is what I saw at the end of our driveway ... what I was tryng to get was the way the sun was gleaming off the air carriers .... but couldn't see them through the trees.  You can definitely see the Bremerton Bottle Neck in full force though ...

So after getting back home, and dying - we were watching Celebrity Big Brother only I didn't realize that my cat was the true star of the show!!! 

This I just love... LOL...  Alyvia and the moon (on TV)

And then here is Joy in front of my computer monitor ..... 

But seriously .....  active and my fibro are like oil and water - they won't mix.