Calahan's Birthday ...

It wasn't the best birthday ever but it was his...  LOL...  we're hoping to throw another half birthday this summer for Cal and Noah.   Cal got the day off from schooling and he only had to take the trash out and do the dishes he hadn't done the night before, for chores...  LOL, he wasn't happy about that...  but he did it ... 

He got his gift from Nana and Papa ... it was funny because when Noah got his Husky for Christmas, Cal was looking at his (Noah's) paperwork for it and he goes "I want the white tiger" ... and Nathan got his leapord and he said "come on, I want the white tiger" ...  suddenly a tiny panda showed up for Kaedyn on New Years Eve and he was like "where did that come from?" and then "I really want the white tiger for my birthday" .. we teased him, but he had no idea that it was already in the house hiding from him.  So ...  I asked him, yesterday morning, if he wanted his gift ... he'd already gotten his from Dennis and I ... and he said "sure" all hum-bum like.  So ...  I handed him the box...  he opened it, jaw dropped....  lol... 

 

I asked him if he wanted a store bought cake or a home-made one... usually he picks the home made one but every once in awhile I think he'll change his mind.  Well, he wanted chocolate cake with vanilla frosting..  so yesterday afternoon, I went to work on his cakes... 

After they cooled I frosted them and wrote on one of them, put 14 candles in....  oh boy.... 14 candles!!   I'm not the best cake decorator... but it will have to do... LOL..

He wanted spaghetti for dinner so we had just that...  with sauce and pepperoni to throw in, and garlic bread.

And one of his long time friends came over ... and we ended up having a great time - laughing a lot.   Calahan has always had a little crush on her, but they have been friends above all else since they were 3 ... and her mom and I have been planning their wedding hoping someday - who knows - since they we caught them holding hands all the time.

So Cal's crush has gotten a little heavier and every time Calahan said something she would say "I'm good" LOL...  so that became the famous phrase of the night.  "Wanna go talk?" ... "Nope, I'm good!" LOL...   I invited her out on a movie sometime where they could go have fun - not necessarily a date - just so they can get to know each other as friends again because they haven't been around each other a lot for a few years.   Cal doesn't have a lot of friends right now (bullying at school made everyone there want to avoid him, and we haven't done much outside stuff because we've had no money for gas - with Dennis needing every penny he could to get back and forth to school.  We're hoping to get him involved in 4-H now and maybe Boys & Girls Club which Cassondra is involved in, she was talking about a dance this weekend, Cal kept offering to go with her and she kept going "I'm good" LOL...  she did say she'd introduce him to some of her friends but... I don't know if she REALLY wanted to.

Wish these had turned out better - the bigger size is blurry ...

She thinks it's great that she's a whole month older then him...

And he blew out all his candles ... 

Anyway - over all he had a good night :)

New Year Resolutions ...

My New Years Resolutions GOALS.....maybe calling them GOALS  will make them more likely to be achieved?

So... I don't make resolutions, I have decided they are GOALS ...  

Avoid the ER for things stuck in Nathan's ears and nose ...  cuz, I so know we are headed there, and I still have the insane hope of avoiding it....

Avoid the ER because Nathan has eaten something totally in-eatable...  cuz he likes to eat paper and stuffing and various other stuff.  Usually he keeps it in his mouth until I realize what he's doing and he'll spit it out in my hand......... ooooooooh the joys of motherhood!

Avoid the ER because Kaedyn has eaten something totally in-eatable ...  that's right, he's a toddler now and the world is his oyster!  Literally ...  he tries to eat everything.  He is very orally explorative.  We recently heard about a little 14 month old boy (Kaedyn is 15 months) ... who ended up dying because he ingested kerosene... Dennis and I looooooooked at each other, both thinking, Kaedyn would so do that...  how did that happen you might ask?  The family is Amish and mom filled a lamp, put the jug on the floor to close up the lamp, and apparently the baby grabbed it thinking it was some tasty treat not knowing how dangerous it was.  They got him to the hospital right away, rushed to the Childrens Hospital in Milwaukee or Madison (I forget which) and unfortunately the damage was already done.   But Dennis said, "It's a darn good thing we're not Amish or that would have been Kaedyn," and he's right.  It would have been.  Kaedyn puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, we even have to make sure that nothing to gross or dangerous is with in reach in the garbage because he will go in there and try to find a snack!  Doesn't matter if he's got a bowl of the best stuff in the world, he's all about exploring for food. 

Keep Calahan on a path to excellence ....  now if only I could find that excellence, it would be nice, so I can push him towards it.  As long as he stays out of Juvie ... that's a major accomplishment right there! LOL...   

Reduce the size of my ass and my gut ... without it affecting the size of my knockers cuz hubby likes those "just the way they are" ...... 

I want to do better with keeping the house picked up ...  I mean, seriously - I clean and vacuum every day and it just doesn't seem to matter.  I mean I realize that if I didn't, things would be 1,000 worse, but it's still hard to have things nice when the kids literally come up behind me with broken chips tossing them about as if they were rose petals on a wedding day... ah... yeah, that pretty much explains it!  Oh and let's not forget the whole rule that if I fill up a toy tote, they have to immediately dump it all out because it didn't belong there in the first place!  It belongs on the floor...   and they do get very angry when they get everything just so, in it's place, and I come up and wreck it all!  :: sigh  ::  I'll never win.  And laundry is a joke.. yep, a joke.....

AULD LANG SANG SURVEY 2009-2010

 

What was the best part of this year?  Dennis getting into culinary school ...

What was the worst part of this year?  Dennis getting fired due to cut backs at two jobs through the year... being stuck in the house all the time, no money to do anything... 

What was the biggest surprise of this year?  Dennis getting his the job he looooooooves back :) (just got a call this morning, after he left for work, that he didn't have to go to work today, don't know what that's about but it worries me.... apparently she called last night but it came up Private Caller and I don't answer that, forgot to listen to the machine and it was Cal's birthday, we had people here - so now I'm worried)

What are you most looking forward to in 2010?  being able to leave the house, going to Nashville for the Little People of America convention... 

Is there anything you are not looking forward to in 2010?  Trying to find a bigger place

Which new year's resolutions did you keep this year?  I didn't really make any last year other then to lose weight which I was working on until I got my severe hernia

Which new year's resolutions did you break this year? losing weight

What will be your new year's resolutions for 2010? Listed above

Which one are you most likely to break? none of them (positive attitude right?)

Which one are you most likely to keep?  none of them (realistic attitude right?  ROFLMBO)

What will you be doing on new year's eve? Dennis and I managed to stay up, and we had some fake champagne - kissed at 11:59, wished it a happy 2010 at midnight and kissed again after clinking our glasses and drinking to it... 

Who will be with you on new year's eve? Dennis, the babies, Cal came home from his grandma's cuz he was sick, the only one not home was Noah.

What was the best song of 2009? There are so many ...  Cowboy Casanova - Carrie Underwood, Lie - David Cook, Sideways & Feel That Fire - Dierks Bentley, Then - Brad Paisley,

What was the best tv show of 2009?  Survivor was sooooooooooo good this past year.  LOL...  I love The Mentalist, Mercy, The Listener, Ghost Whisperer, Trauma, Medium, The Closer, Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State... I could go on and on... 

What was the best book you read in 2009?  The first two books to the Nora Roberts Bride series

What was the best movie you saw in 2009?  Julie & Julia ...  Harry Potter ...  I haven't seen My Sisters Keeper yet but I know that I love it, it'll make me bawl my eyes out and that's one reason I haven't watched it.  I have sick kids, those are hard to watch. 

What change will you make to your life in 2010?  Hopefully we'll be more financially stable, hopefully I'll lose some weight :D 

Dear Calahan...

Today you turn 14 years old, and I can't help but reflect on your life.  From the day I found out I was still pregnant, even though I had a miscarriage a few weeks before.  How crushed I had been, how I cried for three days because I lost my baby. Then the pregnancy symptoms never went away and I just didn't understand.  Going back in, running another test, something I never thought I'd hear that day ...  "You're pregnant" and with the following exam, found out I was around 8 weeks which meant the miscarriage had been your twin, and that was heartbreaking all on it's own, and how I ended up grieving all over again. 

From the day I first heard your heart beating and I cried... 

I was 18 years old when I found out I was pregnant with you, extremely mature for my age, and maybe not as ready for the life I was about to have as I thought, but I did the best I could.   Soon I was 19, and 9 months pregnant with you.  Then it was time to have you, and I was scared but putting up the good front.  Sure, I wanted you to be a girl, but from the moment I saw you and you looked at me with your huge blue eyes, wrapped your tiny wrinkled hand around my finger,  I was smitten with you, and no little girl in the world could have replaced you. 

You were so tiny but you had these HUGE feet that you use to stick right out of my belly.  I would measure it with my fingers and would try to figure out what body part it could possibly be - your elbow to wrist?  you knee to foot?  It was so long, it couldn't be your foot.   But after you were born, I put my fingers out the length of that mystery body part, put it up to your foot, and sure enough...  it was your foot.  I would call you a Tom Cat!

You and I taught each other so much.  Being the first born, we both had to learn from each other.  All the normal firsts, I experienced with you.  Although I had some firsts with your brothers too, first preemie, first c-section, first sick baby...   all those firsts I experienced with you out number those other ones by miles.   I learned patients from you, because once you hit 3, there was nothing but hell to pay!  I learned there was nothing better then cuddles in the morning, and hugs and kisses at night.  I learned that watching you discover the world was the best entertainment there was around.  I learned that finger paintings were the most divine artwork that could be had.   I learned that even 3-4 year olds can develop a life long passion.  I learned that even a 2 year old has his priorities when asked what he wants for Easter and the response is "A baby sissor" and when followed up with what you wanted for Christmas, I got the same reply of "A baby sissor" and when I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, you didn't hesitate, you told me you wanted "a birthday cake" ... see, 2 year olds have priorities!   I learned that ADHD can turn the sweetest most sensitive child into a ball of anger and frustration, and together, we learned to battle that.   I learned that no matter what medical challenges we might face, when you had your leukemia scare, that I would stand strong and be your ultimate support, and only crumble in the shadows while you were asleep. 

Fact is, I learned to be a Mother, from you. You made me the Mother I am today.  We still have a lot of firsts to get through together.  First drivers ed classes, first car, first real girlfriend, first night you stay out way to late - because I'm sure you WILL stay out way to late.

We love you Calahan.  We hope that you have a wonderful 14th Birthday and that you have an excellent 14th year :)

To be...... the Mom of a 14 year old.....

All I ever wanted to be was a Mommy ...  well, and a writer..  but mostly, a Mommy.  I just wanted to hold my perfect little girl in my arms, and smell her sweet baby smell, dress her up in pink frills and purple lace, play with her blonde curls and when she got older, play dolls and barbies...  take her shopping and just love on her unconditionally ........

So when I got pregnant, I was so happy ...  then I got sick and became so miserable.....  I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant, and engaged ... wedding was in a few weeks...  I was wrapped up in my fairy tale life (so I believed anyway) that I didn't care ...  (nevermind I had a heartbreaking miscarriage in the beginning, later found out that it had been twins)

I was having a baby girl....  even if she wasn't going to show us her goods on the ultrasound..   I was due on Christmas Day, how special!  And by the beginning of December, I just wanted my sweet little girl out!  My water was leaking and I kept going in because of it, but every time I did the tests came back negative and they'd send me home.  January 4th came around they wanted an ultrasound to check size and all that, and I ended up getting scared because the ultrasound tech was being secretive about something and she had to call the DR.  The DR ended up calling me, saying that I was to be at the hospital that night at 6 for induction because the baby's water was basically so low they were afraid there wouldn't be any left for birth.  Ya know, that stuff kinda makes birthing a little easier.  I was told I did NOT want a dry birth.   So I went in before 6, got all hooked up, gowned, they inserted something to help my cervix and my contractions started on their own with that.  So I labored through the evening, and into the morning when I was managing to sleep a little in the chair, and my contractions stopped.  I remember hearing the nurse come in to check the tape from the machine, and saying my contractions had stopped, they'd let me get some rest, and induce me in the morning.  It was about 2am.  My (now ex) husband and his mom decided to take a walk at that time, and left the room leaving me with my mom.  The way my Mom says it, they couldn't have even been to the elevator when I shot up out of my sleep, with my eyes bugging out of my head, screaming in pain.

Why?

Because apparently even though my contractions had stopped ... I was suddenly in hard labor!   Then I went into shock, I was shaking so bad that it took 3 nurses to hold me on my bed, I was throwing up with every contraction, they were doing this and that, trying to calm me down...  I don't even remember what they did - all I remember is I wanted nothing more then the pain and the vomiting to stop.  But I did it all natural... 

At 6am ... I was ready to push....  and push I did...

at about 7:50-ish in the morning, the head was crowning...... finally I was going to welcome my daughter into the world!  Then when the contraction stopped, and I stopped pushing, I heard this slurping sound...  like someone sucking up that last wet noodle out of a bowl...  and I said "What was that?"  and the DR said "It's just the head going back in" ...

... it was as simple as that....

................... just the HEAD going BACK IN ......

EXCUSE ME!?!?!!?!

THE HEAD WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO GO BACK IN!!

NOT NOT NOT!

So with the next contraction, I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed, and the DR says "okay you can stop now" and I thought HELL NO THAT HEAD IS NOT GOING BACK IN and kept right on pushing.

I wanted to meet my daughter...... I wanted to hold her in my arms!!!

And then the DR held the baby out .......... and announced....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!

And I thought.........

Ohhhhhhhhh crap, put it back in until it turns into a girl!

My mom says I didn't hesitate, that I just grabbed him and didn't let go.....   and I did.  After the initial shock of it not being my dream daughter, I grabbed that baby and I held onto him.

My dream still came true........... I was a Mommy!

Age: 1

Age: 2

When he was two, I went through one of the most scariest times of my life.  Having suffered from frequent nose bleeds that were hard to stop and bruising, along with various other things....  I finally took him into the ER after one nose bleed wouldn't stop.  The ran tests, we ended up getting referred to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN and going through more tests with a pediatric hematologist - he had long bleeding time tests, and his blood panel was off... so they ran more tests there...  we were sent home on the words "you will probably hear from us in the mail because we don't think there is anything seriously wrong...." and then the call that stopped my world happened.   I was at work and my ex-husband called me and said ...  through gasps because he was struggling to compose himself, they DRs wanted us down at Mayo again the next day, Calahan needed a bone marrow test, they thought he had Leukemia.   Luckily after a battery of more testing, it turned out he didn't have it..  however he fit the symptoms so well ... I was terrified.  We still don't know why he has the bleeding issues that he has, not completely anyway.  I was told a few years ago that he has ITP (a bleeding disorder) and a little while ago, I was told they couldn't find that in his records.  So I don't know anymore... 

Age: 3

Chicken Pox

Age: 4

Age: 5

Age 6:

This was the year that Calahan finally got HIS wish of being a big brother!

Age: 7

This was the year his Mom & Dad separated .....  later trying to work things out ...

Age: 8

Age: 9

The year Mom and Dad separated for good...

Age: 10

The year Mom met someone and got married again... 

Age: 11

Age: 12

Age: 13

And in 2 days............ that little baby that I thought of sure would be a little girl, is going to be turning 14 years old.  14!  Two years from driving...... four years from being an "adult" ........

They grow up WAY too fast....... 

Happy New Year!! Welcome 2010!!

Dennis and I have never brought in the New Year together...  I've brought it in with one or a combo of my kids, sometimes a sleeping baby ... usually, Dennis would be asleep.  This year though..... he was awake :D

Calahan and Noah went off to their Grandma's for the night, Calahan ended up coming home sick.  He had a really bad night but he's doing better now.  Noah's still at his Grandma's and he'll be home soon I'm sure.  

Cal was in bed most the night, so it was just Dennis, the babies and I.... at 11:59 we kissed, at 12:00 we said "May 2010 be GREAT!" and clinked our glasses.  Then we kissed again!

I think that's a pretty good way to usher out the old and welcome the new!
Calahan did pop out at about midnight for a "Happy New Year" 

The babies however, they just got stinkin drunk and passed out... *

* Before someone calls CPS on me, it's a joke!  It's a bottle of Welchs Fake Champagne and only placed there after they were asleep!  Sheesh... what kind of mother do you think I am! LOL