To be...... the Mom of a 14 year old.....

All I ever wanted to be was a Mommy ...  well, and a writer..  but mostly, a Mommy.  I just wanted to hold my perfect little girl in my arms, and smell her sweet baby smell, dress her up in pink frills and purple lace, play with her blonde curls and when she got older, play dolls and barbies...  take her shopping and just love on her unconditionally ........

So when I got pregnant, I was so happy ...  then I got sick and became so miserable.....  I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant, and engaged ... wedding was in a few weeks...  I was wrapped up in my fairy tale life (so I believed anyway) that I didn't care ...  (nevermind I had a heartbreaking miscarriage in the beginning, later found out that it had been twins)

I was having a baby girl....  even if she wasn't going to show us her goods on the ultrasound..   I was due on Christmas Day, how special!  And by the beginning of December, I just wanted my sweet little girl out!  My water was leaking and I kept going in because of it, but every time I did the tests came back negative and they'd send me home.  January 4th came around they wanted an ultrasound to check size and all that, and I ended up getting scared because the ultrasound tech was being secretive about something and she had to call the DR.  The DR ended up calling me, saying that I was to be at the hospital that night at 6 for induction because the baby's water was basically so low they were afraid there wouldn't be any left for birth.  Ya know, that stuff kinda makes birthing a little easier.  I was told I did NOT want a dry birth.   So I went in before 6, got all hooked up, gowned, they inserted something to help my cervix and my contractions started on their own with that.  So I labored through the evening, and into the morning when I was managing to sleep a little in the chair, and my contractions stopped.  I remember hearing the nurse come in to check the tape from the machine, and saying my contractions had stopped, they'd let me get some rest, and induce me in the morning.  It was about 2am.  My (now ex) husband and his mom decided to take a walk at that time, and left the room leaving me with my mom.  The way my Mom says it, they couldn't have even been to the elevator when I shot up out of my sleep, with my eyes bugging out of my head, screaming in pain.

Why?

Because apparently even though my contractions had stopped ... I was suddenly in hard labor!   Then I went into shock, I was shaking so bad that it took 3 nurses to hold me on my bed, I was throwing up with every contraction, they were doing this and that, trying to calm me down...  I don't even remember what they did - all I remember is I wanted nothing more then the pain and the vomiting to stop.  But I did it all natural... 

At 6am ... I was ready to push....  and push I did...

at about 7:50-ish in the morning, the head was crowning...... finally I was going to welcome my daughter into the world!  Then when the contraction stopped, and I stopped pushing, I heard this slurping sound...  like someone sucking up that last wet noodle out of a bowl...  and I said "What was that?"  and the DR said "It's just the head going back in" ...

... it was as simple as that....

................... just the HEAD going BACK IN ......

EXCUSE ME!?!?!!?!

THE HEAD WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO GO BACK IN!!

NOT NOT NOT!

So with the next contraction, I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed, and the DR says "okay you can stop now" and I thought HELL NO THAT HEAD IS NOT GOING BACK IN and kept right on pushing.

I wanted to meet my daughter...... I wanted to hold her in my arms!!!

And then the DR held the baby out .......... and announced....

IT'S A BOY!!!!!

And I thought.........

Ohhhhhhhhh crap, put it back in until it turns into a girl!

My mom says I didn't hesitate, that I just grabbed him and didn't let go.....   and I did.  After the initial shock of it not being my dream daughter, I grabbed that baby and I held onto him.

My dream still came true........... I was a Mommy!

Age: 1

Age: 2

When he was two, I went through one of the most scariest times of my life.  Having suffered from frequent nose bleeds that were hard to stop and bruising, along with various other things....  I finally took him into the ER after one nose bleed wouldn't stop.  The ran tests, we ended up getting referred to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN and going through more tests with a pediatric hematologist - he had long bleeding time tests, and his blood panel was off... so they ran more tests there...  we were sent home on the words "you will probably hear from us in the mail because we don't think there is anything seriously wrong...." and then the call that stopped my world happened.   I was at work and my ex-husband called me and said ...  through gasps because he was struggling to compose himself, they DRs wanted us down at Mayo again the next day, Calahan needed a bone marrow test, they thought he had Leukemia.   Luckily after a battery of more testing, it turned out he didn't have it..  however he fit the symptoms so well ... I was terrified.  We still don't know why he has the bleeding issues that he has, not completely anyway.  I was told a few years ago that he has ITP (a bleeding disorder) and a little while ago, I was told they couldn't find that in his records.  So I don't know anymore... 

Age: 3

Chicken Pox

Age: 4

Age: 5

Age 6:

This was the year that Calahan finally got HIS wish of being a big brother!

Age: 7

This was the year his Mom & Dad separated .....  later trying to work things out ...

Age: 8

Age: 9

The year Mom and Dad separated for good...

Age: 10

The year Mom met someone and got married again... 

Age: 11

Age: 12

Age: 13

And in 2 days............ that little baby that I thought of sure would be a little girl, is going to be turning 14 years old.  14!  Two years from driving...... four years from being an "adult" ........

They grow up WAY too fast.......