Emotions .....

Today, a friend of mine asked me if I had gotten a message she posted on my facebook wall awhile back.  I was lost for a moment, but once she reminded me what it was, I had told her that I do remember seeing it, I just hadn't gotten around to checking out the links she had sent.  Course, I was a little embarrassed to tell her that I wanted to make sure that she did post those links before looking at them, and it wasn't some bot trying to get me a virus.  So I immediately checked out the sites.  Here they were two wonderful sites, and I regret having that hesitation and wish I had looked at them right away.

One is for writers to share their work, get feedback, comments, to share their work.  The other is to publish complete books, and be able to sell them as e-books.

So I signed up for the first one, and plan on signing up for the second. 

After signing up, I hesitate.

Do I really want to do this??

Do I really want to put myself out there like this for criticism and critiquing ....  can I take it?

My writing is my soul, my baby, and I know I write well.  I know I'm good... but in my head, I constantly hear that it's no good, that it has to be better.  I have friends who read my work, and they constantly tell me it's good, and I thrive on the compliments, accept their suggestions, pointing out some correction errors, and really absorb their feedback on the plots and characters and thrive on what they tell me they really enjoyed or really found funny.

But I am my own worst critic ....

I'm nervous.  I put up the prologue and chapter one of the book I am currently working on.  I'm on chapter thirteen right now, and I am hoping for some sort of feedback.  There have been 39 views of my story so far, and it has been up for about 10 hours.  Doesn't mean those people read it, but it sparked their interest enough for them to look.  In all those views, not one comment.  Not one.  Well, I got a "read your story, it's fantastic" on my profile page, but I hate to say it ...  I think it might have been posted before I even posted the prologue.  Don't quote me on it though.

I thrive on comments, and I'm not going to beg for them.  I thrive on feedback, but it's really rude to "author hop" and beg for people to read your stuff.  It's rude and completely unprofessional... even if I'm not professional.

Then there are the people who have completely different writing styles and think their way is the only way to write.  These people really annoy me.  One person posted a comment on my friends book that says "your paragraphs should be shorter" ...  seriously!?!?!?   They weren't that long.  They were normal in my eyes.  Why should they be smaller?  They weren't a half of a page long!?  Some of them are only three sentences.   Eh....  I really want to comment on this comment, but I won't.  Because every author has a writing style, and I think it's rude not to respect that.

Anyway ... then in my complete insomnia ...  I ended up watching a movie tonight called THE NOTE.  It's funny, because awhile back when I was going around doing some contests, I won a DVD.  It was a contest for the DVD of THE NOTE II ... and it was "did you ever take a chance on love?" essay.  So I had posted a blog about it: OUR LOVE STORY and this is what I had posted for her:


Did I ever take a chance at love, yes. I was in a 10 year marriage, a bad one in the end, and got out (whew!) (course aren't they all bad in the end?) ... but I wanted to move on with my life. I got married as a teenager and never dated. I didn't honestly think anyoen would want me since I was the mother of 2 boys, one of which living with a rare genetic disorder who had a lot of medical issues. And here in lay the major issue, where was I going to meet anyone!?! So I turned to the internet, free dating sites, mostly for laughs, and a little attention then thinking anything serious would happen. But it did... twice. The first time, I knew it wasn't going to last, but he was a great guy and he helped me in a lot of ways. After that ended, I figured - oh well - it'll be just me and the boys. And then I met Dennis. He lived in NC and me in WI. We started talking as friends, thinking that would be it, and it ended up being so much more. Just talking on the internet, webcam, phone - there was so much more bringing us together then just a lot of common interests. My mom had decided to take my boys to WA State to stay with her for 2 months during the summer, it was suppose to be a chance for me to be me and not "mom" ... but all I could think of was "what if he's the one" ... so we set it up, a few days after my boys left, so did I. They went to one side of the country, I went to the other. I was scared, terrified he would take one look at me and reject me. Instead, he came up to me, and he swooped me back, crushing my mouth with his - the way you see in movies. That was it... I was hooked, and apparently so was he. It's so cliche to say that you met on the internet, and rarely works, but in our case, both being completely honest about who we were - we clicked. We've been together for 3 years and married for 2 1/2 ... we ended up adding two more boys to our crew ... and it's still happily ever after... 


And I won!  I got the DVD in the mail shortly after, and it still sits in my DVD collection with the plastic wrap still on it.  Sad I know!  But, I really wanted to watch the first movie before watching the sequel.  It's a stupid thing - it bugs me if I don't start at the beginning.  It's just the way I'm made I suppose.  Well, I just happened to notice it playing on the Hallmark Movie channel during the Christmas movies marathon.  Given our living situation at the time, and the fact that I was never upstairs long enough to watch a movie, it has sat on my DVR until now.  I ended up catching it just as it was starting so I didn't get the first few minutes, but I got most the movie.

So tonight, in my insomnia stupor ... I was scrolling through my DVR and thought, why not!!  There was a time recently where I was looking at my movies and thought about watching it regardless of not seeing the first one, but let me say - I loved the first movie and I'm really glad I held out 2 years! LOL... okay almost 2 years.  If you have never seen it, it is a movie about a journalist who finds a note that has washed up on the beach after a plane crash, it's a note from a father to his child that is only called "T" ... it's a journey of trying to find the person the note was meant for, and her series of articles, and how it really touches everyone she comes to with it.  How it helps them take a step they were struggling with, including herself.  So I'm looking forward to watching the second movie!

Okay ....... now I must go to bed... or at least try!