March 14th in Review ...

Happy Pi Day!!!!   Makes me giggle cuz I'm a geek like that.  It's also my cousin Darlene's birthday! (Shoutout!)

So last night - around 2am ... I woke up with my heart racing so fast.  Had to have been beating at least 180 bpm ... which I know is stroke level.  It was kinda scary.   Fell back to sleep and woke up around 9am just trembling.  Heart wasn't racing as much as it was, but it was still racing.  Dizzy, felt like two huge bolts had been shoved into my head ... nauseated ... just felt bad.

After sitting up for a bit, my system calmed down some.  My legs are hurting pretty back, my right hip - my Sciatica is a beech ... my neck hurts, my headache is dimmed but still there....

It's just all...... ugh.

 Aren't we cute?   We work hard for our marriage - as everyone should.

So we went to the grocery store today to get the fixins for our Pi Day meal and the self check out register we went to (that was open) there was a basket left there with this bottle .... and I wasn't going to pay any mind to it.  So eventually I needed to because I had to put stuff there so we could get stuff in the cart and - so - I was a little shocked.   Again ......  Fangirl moment.  I was like "They sell this shit? WOW!"  I would totally buy it just for the bottle.

After we got home DB did haircuts on all the boys.  He rain out of juice during Kale's, so his isn't finished.  But here are the rest of the boys ....

Calahan

Noah - who needed a haircut the most.... he also got his FIRST SHAVE!!!

Kaedyn got one too ... without much fighting.....

Nathan was the first to go but ... oye.... Daddy messed up and ended up having to basically chrome dome him.  Poor kid.  He doesn't seem to mind it and he likes it when I rub his fuzzy head.  However, it really shows the mis-shapened of his head because of his hydrocephalus at 6 months.  You wouldn't know it when his hair is covering it.

So our chosen Pi Day meal was Shepherds Pie!!  Soooooooo good!!!  Even the Pregnant Wonder loved it - and did a FB status about it!!  :)

Kaedyn was hanging out with Daddy tonight and they were goofing around.

But Nathan just had a rough time after his haircut.  I don't know if it ended up being too much for him or if it was the change of schedule or what... but he was crying and upset and melting down A LOT today.  A LOT.   It was just a hard day :(

So those are the pictures I took today.  But I wanted to talk about some other stuff.  Today I watched the Married At First Sight Marathon on A&E.  If you haven't heard about it - it's a social experiment where 4 experts, a Psychologist, Sexologist, Match Maker & Spiritual Adviser get together with a bunch of people applications, questions, forms, interviews, etc and so on and pairs together 6 people.  3 couples.  The first time they actually meet, find out any information about each other, is standing together exchanging vows.

They are completely and utterly compatible on paper.   2 out of the 3 couples decided after the 5 week experiment to stay together, and one decided to divorce.  These are real legal weddings.

I actually thought - when I first heard of the show, that it was a crock of shit because I take marriage very seriously, I take those vows very seriously.  When I get married - I expect it to be forever.

And yes, I got a divorce.  It was a matter of an environment I didn't want my kids growing up in.  It was a matter of realizing that my ex husband was a habitual liar and I didn't know him at all.  It was like 10 years of my life, minus my two kids, was a lie.   And now, those two boys are 100% DB's because he is the only father they have ever really had.  My ex completely ignored Calahan and babied Noah, but Noah was only 3 when we split up.   However, my marriage with DB is something different.

So I watched the first couple episodes when it air'ed .... but I never finished it.  So I saw the marathon on today and decided to watch it from beginning to end.   Re-watching it - I looked at it out of interest instead of as a joke.  It was really interesting to watch.  These people got married - literally - at first sight and then had five weeks to get to know each other - and at the end of the 5 weeks - they decide if they are going to stay married and together and keep trucking, or split up and get a divorce.

And I realized something.  This was DB and I.  Yeah sure, we talked - we got to know each other.  But he proposed to me, seriously proposed to me, 3 days into talking.  The first two months of our relationship, the first 3 weeks being only online and phone ... it was like a year worth of dating and communication in a short amount of time.  And then I left for 2 weeks, and came home with my two kids, and suddenly - he was thrown in a Dad role of two boys and I'm sure it wasn't easy.  He was a Dad already.  So it's not like he was thrown into Fatherhood cold turkey. And then 3 months into the relationship ... I got pregnant.

But looking back on it.  We didn't know each other really, we had some red flags come up .... and I wasn't sure he was going to marry me - the day we got married.

I was concerned about two things...... really.  1: That he only got with me because he was lonely and it was getting closer to where his daughter was.  2: That he never felt trapped because I got pregnant.
He watched with me today.  And I told him - I kinda felt that we were kinda watching ourselves on TV.  He saw it too.

We lived a "married" life - pretty much from the moment he wrapped his arms around me, spinning me around, and planting the best first kiss on me of a lifetime.  We lived as if we were married from the moment we laid eyes on each other.

We were talking about walls and having walls up.  I told him I am an open book, I will tell anyone anything they ask, but I have huge thick brick walls that are really hard to knock down.  And I had walls in place until WELL after our actual wedding.  And he has had walls up until just recently - and he probably still does.  I think because no one has ever EVER made him feel like they are there for him, 100% ...  so he's always waiting for that point where I just kick him out for something stupid.  And he keeps waiting for it to happen - and it doesn't.

We've worked through a lot of issues in the last year - a lot of things, realized why he does things he does .... and we've talked a lot and been working through it ... and the relationship exercises really are awesome.  Some of these questions we have done are things we've never asked each other.  And it's fun.  I think we weren't fully comfortable with each other for our first couple of years.  There was a lot of drama going down - with his wandering ways - and we got comfortable, and then last year happened and it made me question and it was like a light bulb going off with why he does the stuff he does.  It wasn't until I got sick.  And the first two years I was pretty much pregnant until our 2nd Anniversary .... which I was sick, and on bedrest...

He doesn't know how to handle things when I'm sick.  That's one.  Because the house doesn't get cleaned the way he likes and he was projecting a lot of things on me that wasn't true.  I had to point things out to him.... and I think when I got the psoriasis - and it was a visible thing - and he went with me - seeing me miserable..... hearing what the DRs said.... and the DR say about the CFS and the Fibro .... even though he read stuff before and was starting to understand, I think it was the DRs appointments actually hearing that I wasn't diagnosing myself with it and just using it as an excuse.  I think it was then - that he suddenly dropped the anger that I wasn't cleaning like he wanted me to and realized the pain I was in.  That I wasn't faking it - and infact, I was holding so much of it in.

So yeah, I thought the show was a joke, and now.... I can see myself in it.  8 years of marriage, almost 9 years together and I really really like the place where DB and I are right now.  I feel like we can talk about anything, get through anything, that we will always be together.  I love him more than I ever have and although I still have some trust issues, it's getting better and I'm working through them and I appreciate his patients and honesty with the questions I have when I have them and humoring me with my craziness about it all ...

Anyway .....  I hit my target for the water again today!  Woot!  And I have been reaching for the water before reaching for anything else (except when I'm sick, then it's totally 7-up) ....  So yeah, the water thing is actually happening for me.  DB says that since I've started doing this - that my skin is so much softer too.  It's weird.  But ...  yeah.  I can't say I feel better ... but I know in the long run it will be a step to me feeling better.  As long as I have ice water, I'm okay .....  I had a glass of Dr. Pepper sitting by me all day today, and I think I took one sip out of it.  Just one - maybe two.  Because I would keep reaching for the water.  And it was okay.  I didn't crave the DR Pepper at all, BUT BUT BUT - I realize I am craving sugar.  I got this massive craving for a glazed donuts and so when we were at the store I got one.  Came home, started chowing down on it - and realized half way through that ...... it was a major let down.  It wasn't even scratching that itch that needed to be scratched.  So ... yeah.  I see changes happening.  It's good.

Oh and this - this is sooooooooooo right on the money!