When I got divorced, I never thought that I would ever have another baby.
After Calahan I suffered from secondary infertility... broke down and sold EVERYTHING when he was 2 years old... 3 years following, my 5 year old stood by me, waiting for his school bus to take him to pre-school, his little face usually pressed up against the cool glass pane watching outside intently for that yellow blur to come down the road... and instead he looked up at me.. "You are going to have a baby soon, Mom" he said quickly, then turned and peered out the window - pushing his forehead and I was looking down at his blond head. "What?" was all I could think? Then... "yeah right" ... pressed through my mind.
But 3 months later, I got those shocking two lines... predicting the arrival of Noah Alexander, my first huge miracle. His pregnancy was so shocking... at first, through the stress of my marriage, I was just so ecstatic, excited, and happy only because I had a new little bundle growing inside me. Though, it turned into more of a nightmare a short time later. Words being thrown at me of Trisomy, and growth restriction, and what scared me the most.... stillbirth. But through the whole stressful, scary pregnancy, Noah arrived at 33 weeks and 1lb 12oz. And turned 5 years old February 1st 2007.
Though it was 2 years earlier when my first marriage was falling apart... and the summer of 2005 I sold every piece of baby anything that Noah wasn't using... other then a few things that I couldn't part with... outfits both Calahan and Noah wore.... I said goodbye to all the hopes of having a huge family. I mourned my marriage, the end of a long relationship, the loss of everything familiar and started on a journey that took me down a road I had never been before, getting married pretty much right out of high school and pregnant at 18 with Calahan. I started to go to college... and I started to *date* for the first time, really.
I signed up on several free internet dating sites... and I met several people from there... but in May 2006, just after my divorce was final... I got a "wink" from some guy in North Carolina. I looked at his profile, I'm not sure what it was that intrigued me... but I thought, it might be nice to make a friend in him - since we were so far apart (me being in WI). So I emailed him and thanked him for the wink. He e-mailed me back and - from there we started chatting. Our chatting quickly budded into an online relationship. I never thought one could "fall in love" or at least the first steps of such, without ever meeting the person in "real life" but... we were definitely headed that. We talked on the phone, we webcam'd on the computer, talked for hours and hours and HOURS. There is no pretense of being someone else over the internet - for those that are honest about themselves. Dennis and I both were that. Very honest, to the point of telling each other our faults and such before even meeting. If for some reason things wouldn't work out... I would rather it not work out early on then down the road.
My Mom took my older boys that summer for a couple of months, to WA State... and I went down to NC to meet a friend, and to spend time with Dennis and see if what we thought we had, was true or not.
Boy was it ever!! So much better in person then through a screen or a phone line. It really only took a short time for us to realize we were indeed headed towards marriage. He moved back to WI with me. We knew that we wanted at least one child of our own. I had the two boys from my first marriage, and he has a BEAUTIFUL little girl from a previous relationship, that had just ended before we met. She had taken off with their daughter after he ended things with her, and moved to IL. So being in WI was actually putting him closer to his daughter. Without getting into whys, he still hasn't seen her. It wasn't until we were together, that Dennis told me... the second he saw my picture on that profile page, he says he instantly fell in love.
I traveled to Washington to get the boys, who I had generally kept out of the relationship. They had seen him on webcam, and knew I was talking to him, but I had already dated someone seriously and I saw my boys get so attached to him - only for it to end badly. So I hadn't gotten the boys to involved until I knew where this was headed. So I went out for 2 weeks, and while there, I prepared the boys. Dennis had already moved into our house, we were engaged, and would be living as a family. We got home and everything settled alright. There was an adjustment period, but the boys grew to love Dennis as much as I do.
We talked about getting pregnant right away, being 30, and having had 12 miscarriages, suffered from secondary infertility, and various other things... we weren't sure that waiting would be a good choice. We talked and talked about it, and decided to start trying in September since I would be traveling in August. I had an appt with my OB-GYN after I got back in mid-August. My cycle started before I left, and my appointment went well. Since my cycles were regular, he said Clomid was needed, he didn't feel. BUT since having the miscarriages, we were going to continue on the plan of taking progesterone from the time I had a positive pregnancy test to 12 weeks. See if that would help protect the pregnancy.
So I waited and waited and waited... and my next cycle was not starting. I took a couple of pregnancy tests, even a blood test... it was all negative... until August 31st, when frustrated and being nagged by a friend who kept saying "I KNOW YOU ARE" .... I went down to take a test. I came back upstairs from the bathroom and was holding the stick in my hands, I looked down as I reached the landing... and I almost broke into tears. Shock! Disbelief!! Everything rushed through me from Noah's pregnancy, and the utter Terror set in. Would this baby be okay? Would I go through it again? No, I thought... it was like being struck by lightning twice. So I focused on the excitement and tried to push through the thick shock. There were two lines... two.... I was pregnant. It's amazing the emotions you can go though in 2 minutes standing frozen holding a stick that changes your life.... staring in disbelief.
I quickly threw together a "gift bag" of some baby clothes I had sitting around and baby items... I found a card... wrote in it and put the positive test in there... and put it on the bottom of the bag, with everything else on top... and a test on top with a post it that said "Do you see a line?" ...
He got home from work... late.... and I told him I had a present for him. He opened it...... and when he finally got to pregnancy test... he looked at it... and looked at it... it wasn't a thick dark line, but the line was there... and he stood frozen in shock... and excitement.
I started taking those pills, that night.
I went in for the blood test at the clinic the following day, to not only confirm, but to get a beta - which is a count of the hCG hormone to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing as it should. The beta count was 61. I kept taking home pregnancy tests. I ended up in the ER, and my beta there was 136 on the 4th, my beta on the 8th was 520. The pregnancy was progressing.
Right away it was "you aren't as far along as you thought" ...
I heard that before. Again - fears& worried.... I spent the first 20 weeks of the pregnancy, I swear, worrying and knowing that something wasn't right - from the moment I heard "you aren't as far along as you thought" ... I chart for crying out loud!! I started charting after I got home to get into the "habit" of it... and obviously I couldn't have ovulated until after I got home from vacation!!
On September 21, we saw the baby's heartbeat. This was step one of letting the fear go for me. Step 2 would be 12 weeks when the miscarriage factor goes down dramatically. Step 3, being getting past 24 weeks, viability.... and Step 4, birth. Step 5... bringing baby home.
My blood pressure was high from, pretty much, day one. The hypertension was setting in, and we knew that I would have to be kept a careful eye on for Pre-eclampsia. The nausea was killing me so I got some anti-nausea pills. On November 28th we had an amino and an ultrasound. It was confirmed that the baby had IUGR ... something Noah had also had. IUGR is Inter-Uterine Growth Restriction.... meaning the baby wasn't "growing" as expected, measuring several week behind the known due date. They also mentioned I had a tumor in my uterus, called a Fibroid Tumor.
We went home - waited out the amino results... it took so long... waiting... why did we even do the amino? Because of Noah - the same reasons. I would rather be prepared, and be able to prepare the kids if something isn't expected to be "normal" ... (I really hate that word.. I always put it in quotes when talking about my kids)... Anyway... we were suppose to get the results December 8, but we didn't. We did however HEAR THE HEARTBEAT!!! On December 11th we got a phone call, from Dr. B ... he had news, FINALLY. He told me...... the baby has perfect genetics, and XY chromosomes. I about fell off my chair. ANOTHER BOY!?!??!!?!?! Dennis had me convinced it was a girl, with 2 boys, it didn't take much to convince me. I think deep down I knew it was a boy, I found it more funny then anything. It didn't matter to me... he was healthy!!
But telling Dennis was HALARIOUS!!! I was still on the phone and I looked at him, and said "Dr. B says that the baby has XY chromosomes... " and he says "see I told... what??" ... he was going to say "see I told you it was a girl" and then the light bulb flipped on! (heehee)... he goes "you are lying" ... I said "nope" ... he said "ask him if he's joking" .. so I asked the DR... "Dennis wants to know if you are joking" he snickered and said ... "Well we tested 13 chromosomes and all 13 say male, and since there is no way they are from you, I would say it's pretty proof positive" ... ha ha ha... so I repeated that. And he was just.... struck dumb. After I got off the phone, he must have been remembering the promises he had made me "If it's a boy, we'll try one more time" ... ha ha ha.. cuz he said "guess we get to try again" .. HA HA HA HA!!
I put myself on bed rest due to my hypertension. I thought it couldn't hurt. I spent most my time laying down but not all of it. (I was lateroffically put on bedrest, and the last couple of weeks it was *STRICT* bedrest)
20 weeks rolled around, and the day after Christmas we had an ultrasound. A few days later... we got a phone call. She told me stuff I already knew, the IUGR... they said my tumor was "rather large"... and then came the things that shocked me... he had a 2-vessel cord (umbilical cords should have 3 vessels - 2 going to baby, one carrying out.. he had one in and one out).... and they also mentioned a pocket of fluid in his brain, a cyst, that I "wasn't suppose to worry about" .....
2 days later, I started having contractions off and on... which would continue the rest of the pregnancy...
Originally, we decided to name our little boy after his Daddy... so he would be Dennis Phillip II (the second)... we would call him Phillip... but the beginning of March, Daddy changed his name... we were at an appointment, between the ultrasound and DR and waiting to get back to see the DR... and Dennis jokingly said “If he is born on St. Patrick’s Day, lets name him Patrick” … and I thought… okay.. but said “If we do that, then there is no point in naming him Dennis now is there?” … lol… Poor Daddy… so he said “How about Patrick Nathan?” See my name, had I been the boy my Mother expected, would have been Nathan Allen … she has been bugging me through 3 pregnancies “Nathan is a nice name” yes, mom it is… and she got Calahan, and Noah instead. Teehee… So I said “How about it, but Nathan Patrick sounds better.” He said “yeah it does” … then said “ONLY if he is born on St. Patricks Day though” .. I’m like okay… but then he kept going, “Nathan is really growing on me” … all day, and over the last 2 days… so I said… “make up your mind” and today – he did….. We are now having Nathan Patrick.
March 10th we had our AWESOME Baby Shower for Nathan!! It was suppose to be on March 17, BUT... I had a funny feeling about that date... and wasn't 100% comfortable with keeping it as such, so I talked to Lisa, who was hosting it.... and we figured out that the week before would be best. I didn't expect too many to show, but more then I truly expected did! It was AWESOME!! During the shower... I felt a bit... eh.. wet. I thought my water might be leaking but couldn't be sure. We went home, I went to bed... it continued on Sunday... so on Monday I called. There was no apparent "leaking" going on.
(I have to add that I was very very sick on St. Patricks Day so it's a good thing we didn't have the babyshower then!) I ended up in L&D a few more times, leaking fluid again... never confirmed. Got the first steroid shot for baby's lungs on March 29th, the second the following day... and on April 1st I decided to pull a little prank on my friends, but the prank was on me!! I ended up in L&D - they thought I might have hypertension around my heart and/or lungs... so I ended up getting a ton of tests, and getting scared to death. But everything turned out okay.
I got put on blood pressure meds towards the end of the pregnancy... to try to help the BP and it did help some. Didn't make me feel real good. But whatever we needed to do for Nathan.
On April 15th, Noah got very sick. It was a Sunday - he was tired, and running at 102+ fever, saying his right side hurt. Our thought was that it maybe appendicitis... we took him to the ER after we couldn't get the fever to break and he was just getting sicker. He had been diagnosed with an ear infection the Wednesday before, and was already on antibiotics. We got pulled back into "FIRST CARE" where a PA saw him. Noah, knowing how this stuff works by now, tried his hardest to act normal and was demanding that I read him books, which is fine... me being 36 weeks pregnant and worried, I'd do anything to make him feel better. I just wanted him better. The PA took one look at him, said "he's got a virus" and pretty much sent us on our way. They took a urine sample because he had to go, but I'm positive they never ran it. When Dennis brought up appendicitis, the PA says "he's too young for that" ...
April 16th, Noah was feeling a little bit better, but still running a temp. Still not feeling well.
On April 17th... I woke up to Calahan coming up and telling me that Noah threw up, I went downstairs and checked on him, and he was just burning up again. I took his temp and it was 103+ ... I was beyond worried, and torn ...what was I suppose to do??? Noah needed me, but ..we had to go to Marshfield, with being told that we may have Nathan that day, the following day - or the latest on Thursday. I have never been put between 2 children like that. It was between getting one here, well and healthy, or getting Noah well. So I came up with an idea... Obviously no one here in town was going to listen to me, and knowing the clinic in Marshfield was better, I thought, after my appointment, we could go to the PEDs dept and get him seen. So .. I got tylenol in him, and the drive there gave him some ibuprofen ... he was feeling okay through the appointment - and after Dr. M said that we were going to do the c-section Thursday (April 19) .. which upset Dennis because we had been lead to believe that it would be the 18th at the latest... and he had already arranged it with work... so he called his work, and they were irritated... we took Noah to the Peds dept. I ended up waiting about an hour, with him sleeping half on my lap and half on his chair... 36 weeks pregnant, I didn't have much of a lap left!! By the time the DR came in and I started to go through Noah's history, I was impressed she knew what Mosaic Trisomy 16 was and I didn't have to explain it to her, and telling her had he had been acting, the fever, the occasional vomiting...etc, along with his ear infection, being on antibiotics, and the whole ER visit with the PA not checking him over really at all and saying appendicitis he was too young for. She said that was BS in a not so short way. She checked him over, and he woke up combative which isn't normal for him. She saw something at least, and took my word on the rest - and said she was going to admit him. She wanted to do an ultrasound, x-ray, CT scan ... and various other tests. And get an IV in. (crying softly) ... it was traumatic for him, it was traumatic for me. And poor Dennis had us both crying. My Mom and Cal were down also, thinking we might have the baby. But I was glad they were there. I'm also glad that we brought him with us. If he had been admitted in Eau Claire, I would have been crushed. We managed to get through all the test, the IV, and his diarrhea starting. And I stayed with him, Dennis and Cal went home (they had work and school) and Mom got a hotel for the night and stayed there, coming back the next day.
I slept between the bed (that didn't fit us both but Noah needed Mommy cuddles, and a bench-bed under the window... It turned out that Noah had C-Diff (Clostridium Difficile) which is a "bad" bacteria that everyone carries - but the good bacteria keeps it under control. When you go on antibiotics, it kills off the good and bad bacteria. But "normal" milder antibodies that kill off things like strep, and ear infections... they don't kill this bacteria... but normally, it still doesn't over populate. Well, in Noah's case, it did... it's rare to happen, but he's a rarity in being alive - so, why not!?!? They put him on some strong antibiotics
But he continued to stay in the hospital... and at 8:30 AM Thursday morning, April 19th... I walked out of Noah's hospital room with Dennis, hand in hand with a couple of things, walked down the hall of the PEDs ward... past the Hickory Dickory Dock Clock, past the fountain, the aquarium, the Holiday Tree that was decorated still for Easter... pressed the down button for the elevator, got in, pushed for the floor below us... and when the doors opened, we were in the Labor & Delivery. And I walked forward, and checked in....
I got taken back into the L&D room and I instantly started freaking out - on the verge of tears - breaking through and me managing to suck them back... Noah was upstairs, I was about to go through something I didn't want to - but it was the only way to get him out... another c-section. I had to have an emergency one with Noah, I had no choice because of the way they cut me.
So - I'm getting questions asked, left and right - blood drawn... this and that... and prepping begins... shaving, the catheter... the IV... and then they bring in Dennis' scrubs... and wheel me away... out the door - into the OR... and I'm petrified.. trying not to cry but it's not working... I sit up, they numb up my back... stick the spinal in.. no luck... and again... still not in the space.. over and over and over for a half hour!! (I actually have a picture of my back after) ... Anyway, finally they got it... and they started... and Dennis was brought in... finally, at 11:07 AM ... there was a scream... and I bawled...
I bawled because I didn't hear Noah cry when he was born and this is one thing that I knew I needed to hear this time... and he was crying and BOY was he crying... and you just have no clue, after having a baby that was suppose to die, and such a traumatic pregnancy.. so stressed, being told your child would not live... to his birth, and knowing KNOWING - that if they had been right, you would have never seen him alive because they rushed Noah away so fast, I had no clue he had ever been born... and now, after feeling life inside me again, and laying there, in the same room I had Noah, and hearing Nathan crying... everything - I could finally let go of all that fear I had been carrying... for 36 1/2 weeks... then they whisked him away to the NICU... he was breathing fine, but they needed to assess him ... and everything.
NATHAN PATRICK
was born on
APRIL 19, 2007
at 11:07 AM
Weighing: 3lbs 4oz
Length: 15 3/4 inches
APGARS were 8 & 9
We've had an interesting last few days... full of car salesmen, excitement and disappointment...
This all started, pretty much, because I was tired of sitting around the house on Thursday... but I didn't say anything until we were walking around Shopko and I told him pretty much what I said above. Well, not for those reasons, but I said because of Nathan's appointments... I have had to reschedule so many appointments because of gas issues... why waste the gas to drive Dennis in, drive back, do what I need, drive back in to pick him up after work, drive back... and I have two boys that get very sick very quickly in the heat (which we don't have right now) ... Anyway... Dennis and I agreed to look around, but on the drive home, Dennis decided to stop at BUCK TRUCK & AUTO on our way home... they are having a "Liquidation" sale of some sort, of repossessed vehicles... Their ad's said first 3 months of payments is "free" ... works with bad credit, ect and so on... 
It's a 2004 GMC Canyon - Crew Cab ... It was a nice truck,
The front seat... this actually will seat 6 people comfortably (or at least, us two and 4 kids, including carseats!) ... the backseat (the pictures under) has drink holders that fold out too
