Let's Get A Little Serious ....

Love can happen very slowly over time.  Like when you have a best friend and you've been best friends for years, and suddenly you are a senior in high school and this guy who  you've known forever is standing there in front of you - grown into this amazing guy - and suddenly you realize that you are absolutely in love with him ... because he is the one person that all your life has always been there for you through everything even knowing you are a little .. or a lot ... crazy.  Knowing that you can fly off the handle and take a leap into crazy-town.  But stands by you still, even when you are wrong.

Love can happen very traditionally ..... boy meets girl, boy likes girl... girl thinks boy is a creepy stalker, yet somehow finds it almost endearing .... and surprise.... nine months later girl is married to the stalker boy and had his baby ....  stalker boy is very happy indeed .....  (okay, maybe that's not traditional....)

Okay .... so traditional take two ..... girl meets boy, girl swoons, boy is intrigued, they exchange numbers, they pretend they aren't interested for awhile to not appear creepy but somehow they end up talking and talking and talking and they go on a date and there is awkward moments where they want to kiss but is that acceptable? .... ooooooh the hardships of courtships.   Well he makes that move, and she gets that first soft kiss, her foot pops and she's in love.  They date for a year (or more) and then he pops the question on Valentine's Day - he plans this elaborate meal at this expensive restaurant and the ring is hidden in her new glass of champagne and she ALMOST drinks it  ... but she manages not to and her eyes get as big as saucers and she pulls it out of the glass with a trembling hand.... he gets down on one knee and says "Girl, I have loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.  You mean the world to me.  I can't imagine my life without you.  Will you please because Mrs. Boy!?"  And she screams YES and jumps up and down - somehow dropping the ring which he saves and places on her appropriate finger even though they are both trembling.  The wedding is the talk of the year, so beautiful and elaborate.  Everything was PERFECT - and he didn't sleep with the Main of Honor prior to the wedding!  <wink!>  Several years later they have a house, a mortgage, two point three babies and a dog.  He's miserable in his job and she's unhappy at home.  They ignore their problems and live "happily ever after"  ......

There is the strict Christian way.   Boy meets girl.  Boy courts girl.  They like each other.  They talk a lot.  Get to know each other.  Boy determines they are a good match.  Boy asks father's permission for girls hand in marriage.  Father gives boy hard time and then says of course.  Boy proposes.  Wedding is four months later because they want to save themselves for their wedding night and temptation is too much to handle so they rush the wedding.  Wedding happens, and it's amazing.  Cherries are popped ...  Life gets real.  Babies are born.  Either they are super happy or they are super miserable.

There is the unconventional way.  You get on a dating site, living in Wisconsin and meet this guy who lives in North Carolina.  He winks at you, and you see you have some things in common and you think, yeah - maybe we can be friends.  Clearly nothing is going to happen - he's in North Carolina. They talk for a couple days, non-stop, and are completely honest with each other about everything and somehow, they fall in love.  In three days.  In three days of talking (probably a few months of dating compacted into hours) .... they knew they were headed towards marriage.  In a few months, he moved to Wisconsin, they got pregnant, and by the end of the year, six months later and 18 weeks pregnant they got married.  She has two kids from a previous marriage, he has a child from a previous relationship.  Now they are a blended family.

The exact scenario where someone would scream - holy crap - you guys are not going to work, this isn't going to work - that's too fast.... that's not going to work!!!  Meeting, pregnant, married in six months?  NEVER would that work.

........... but it did.  Twelve years later and one more baby .....  and that's DB and I .... we literally did everything "wrong" and it worked.

........... not that our marriage has been easy, because it hasn't.  We've had our issues, and we've worked through them.  It's a matter of knowing that marriage isn't easy.  That feeling of a new relationship and those constant butterflies goes away and you guys are literally friends living as room mates who are having sex.  It's up to you, and your spouse, to keep that spark alive.  It's up to both of you to work through all those tiny problems and the big ones and communication is the ultimate key.  Communication and the willingness to listen and to understand and try to see things from someone else's point of view.  It's about supporting the other person, sometimes even when you don't like what they are doing, but still staying by their side, and being there if it does go wrong and failure happens.

Relationships are work.  Marriage is work.  No matter HOW you come together as two people in love, relationships and marriage will always take work in the end.  So who is to say who can and can't be together or what will or won't work?  Too fast, too slow, it's a matter of opinion and just because it's your opinion doesn't mean it's right for someone else.... and that's the truth of it.

What it truly comes down to .... is getting two people who like each other enough, are comparable enough, who want to be roommates who have sex and have feelings for each other and promise to be best friends forever .... and promise to put the work into their marriage to make it work, to work out problems and issues and who promise to remember why they are together in the first place.  THAT is the key.

 ...  and even then, a good solid marriage sometimes just doesn't work....  and a not so solid relationship works and is practically perfect.

...........sometimes, people fall out of love and just don't want to work on it.....

...................... and it does take both people working on it, in order for things to work.  So if one person just stops, and doesn't care anymore..... then there really isn't much someone can do.

Plus, there are things that one person in the relationship may not to get past ...  cheating, drugs, various things....  they are just deal breakers.  That is between the couple. We all have our breaking points.

THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS .........

.................. who are we to say what is too fast, too slow, or not right for someone.   Someone's soul-mate may come around any type of way.  So just understand that you can express your concern, your thoughts, your morals, your whatever .....  but you cannot make someone do something.  We are each our own people and need to be given the respect to be allowed to make our own mistakes.

And as a parent, I have to remember this too.

I can tell my child, I think you need to pump the breaks a little - however I can't preach at that without being an utter hypocrite.  Sure - DB & my story is the "exception" to the rule...  but is it?

Do what works for you ....

............. and don't let anyone make you feel bad for how your story began.....