Bathroom Woes....

It started out with my ducking into the bathroom to.. er... brush my teeth - right right...  my teeth ...  anyway, I shut the door quickly, there was a 1 year old hot on my heels.  I heard the click as it latched and then did a small little victory dance.

I was in the bathroom .......... ALONE!!!

Every Mother's dream!!  Well, ya know, other then peace and quite!

But I wasn't feeling good yesterday and didn't want anyone in there while I was....  right.. brushing my teeth.

So I was in there, by myself, and shortly after the click of victory, there was a thud on the door - which I could only assume was the 1 year old hitting the door.  When I say HITTING the door, I mean walking STRAIGHT into the door as if it didn't EXIST and then BOUNCING off!

Luckily there was no screams of pain and so I figured he didn't break or dislocate anything.......

Often times I spend the few moments of peace I manage in the bathroom, NOT in peace.... cuz there is usually a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum outside the door.  Because I had the NERVE to go in there by myself ...

The TOILET MONSTER is going to EAT you ...  he will cry, I mean that's not what he's actually saying, because he doesn't really talk, it's more grunts and pointing, with some sort of sound combinations, but obviously what was going to go through his head!

Suddenly, there was a blue hanger being slid under the door...

1: Where did they get it?

2: Did they think that was an offer for the toilet God not to sacrifice me?

3: Was it a trick?

Then the soft knocking started ...   "MAMA" I heard come through the door in my 2 yr old's sweet little voice.  It's one of those few words he's mastered, and it took him over 2 years to do that.

Damn, I was found, my plan was spoiled ...   Seriously?  They saw me go in there.  But I never make a peep at them in hopes that they will FORGET that I disappeared in there, well... I normally don't make a sound, even at the crying and begging and offering of sweet nothings under the door....  don't want to give away the national secret of my position...just incase... they might forget...

So then, I hear my 7 year old screech...  because he doesn't scream ... he screeches and his room is right next to the lovely undersized powder room.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Apparently being born premature and extremely tiny gives you the right to be a Drama King ...  well, at least that is HIS take on the situation.

Then I hear a bottom (as in a diapered behind) hit the floor, and I know it's the 1 year old.  I mean seriously, that is one big baby and he hits hard ...the Earth shakes..  then the crying starts, definitely the 1 year old.

So the 2 year old starts to tell him off....   I can totally understand the un-understandable jibberish.  "You pushed him you big meany!"

Because my x-ray vision is working through the door, and I saw it!

So it's time to disclose the secret of my position and I yell (so that I can be heard through the closed door) ... "Noah!  Stop being a bully"

To which he clearly says, in a slightly whispered tone,  "Make me, you FOOL"

Yes, my Drama King 7 year old seems to channel Mr. T.   ... I just need to buy him a bunch of gold bling!  The sad thing about it all...   he would probably love it.

But I have on my super sonic hearing too, and I heard him clear as day....

"NOAH ALEXANDER" I yelled through the door.

"Sorry Mom," I hear his half hearted DAMN I WAS CAUGHT apology ... he's heard how calling people FOOL is completely inappropriate.

Ut-huh - sure you are you little Gremlin, I think. 

"I just don't want THEM in my ROOM," he cries as if it explains his bad behavior.  I have come to the conclusion that there is NO explanation for Noah's behavior.

And I'm thinking......... Yeah yeah whatever, I've heard it already.

"Stop being a BULLY," I told him again.

With the situation defused, the soft knocks started again and they started to play the, what fits through the crack under the door, game again... I do believe I was also bribed with a book, crayons and the legs of spider-man because the rest of him couldn't be pushed under...