Happy Birthday Grandma ^i^

Today would have been my Grandmother's 93rd birthday.  If she were still alive.

She died in 1999.  I like to think she died in 1999 so that she could be with my Grandpa (who died in 1987) so they could celebrate their 50th Anniversary together ...  because they would have been married that long ... that year.

I still miss her.  I miss him.  I miss them both.

But today she would be 93.  Try to imagine her at 93 ... lol...  she'd still be watching her stories (and would be so pissed they canceled The Bold and the Beautiful.   That was one of them.)  She'd still always be right, even when she was wrong.  Her smile and laughter still completely contagious.   She'd be loving on all her Great Grandchildren (she's got 15 now) .... But it would be amazing...

Today is also the anniversary of my divorce from my first husband.  BEST DAY OF MY LIFE .... well, besides the birth of my kids, and the day I married DB.....  then BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!  I remember going into court that day thinking it was just the first step, never expecting it to be the day of finalization ....   9 years ago today I was legally free of that 10 year marriage.  And then one month later, I met DB!

It's been a relatively boring day.    Not a lot going on.

Oh look, the weather......   I wish it would rain.  Rain GOOD not just little showers here and there....

Kaedyn was running a bit of a fever this morning so he ended up staying home from school.  So he decided to creepy photobomb me trying to get pictures of the Kinsleigh Parrot ....

My hair today was something :D   I loved it...  ha ha ....

Had a nummy nummy salad.   Love my veggies in my salad.

While I was eating, Kinsleigh was eating my feet....

So today was a big day. In a way.  I got back in touch with my (ex) best friend.  This was something I went back and forth on.  But this year I want to practice forgiveness.  And put forth forgiveness.  I can't forget, and I won't forget.  But I have come to a few realizations.

1: It's been 7 years - and maybe she's changed, maybe she's grown, I know I have.  I am not the same person I was 7 years ago.  I know she hurt me - and I know I hurt her.

2: Everything that happened revolving around my ex husband, if they had an affair, if they didn't....  I just don't care anymore.  I wasn't there, I have her side and his side. They are completely different.  Regardless of who is being truthful - it no longer matters.  It was the push I needed to grow some balls against my ex husband and file for divorce.  Because of what happened, I met DB and I had two more boys and I am happy - I stand up for myself, and I fight ... I have love and support and I feel beautiful because my husband tells me every day - or just about.

3: I may never be able to forget the past, but I can move past it.  It's not so much the ex-husband thing that hurt me to the core, it's a lot of other stuff.  But again, it's been 7 years.

I am choosing to let someone back in who is very capable of hurting me again, but I know that if it happens.... I'll be able to survive.  I would like to rebuild a friendship.  I hope that we both can move forward and be supportive of one another and be honest friends.

But here is Nathan's bag for tonight.  I like this...  just came up with it and started to draw it.   I like this one a lot.

This little sleeping beauty ....  hasn't been feeling himself :(   But he's feeling better.

Since I'm so boring today ....  Here is another look at the weather.

So .... late late tonight (just a few minutes ago, Kaedyn had woken up)  I'm laying in bed withering in all kinds of pain - literally almost in tears...  but I'm watching Newlyweds The First Year...  and one of the couples is pregnant.  And she gets scared because the baby stopped moving.

So I turned to DB and I was all "I had one of those moments" ....  and I went on to tell the story to him.

It was when I was pregnant with Noah and he stopped moving for 4 days.  I mean, at one point it was like, Okay, he's not moving, give him some time....  and time went by and still no movement.  I wouldn't go in though.  I had, in the back of my head all these doctors who had told me that he wouldn't make it, that he would die during the pregnancy, and I just wasn't ready to deal with that.  I wasn't ready to let go if that was the case.  Or accept that.  I took me 4 days to build up the courage to go in and find out what was going on.  They did quick ultrasound and ..  wouldn't you know.  The moment that it was clear that little shit was fine, he started moving and didn't stop for, literally, about 24 hours!

So anyway - I said at that point I knew he was going to come into the world with and be nothing but trouble.  Of course he didn't...  he did come into the world with a bang....

DB says "No the trouble is sleeping - or not sleeping - in the chair"

Because Kaedyn is camped out in the chair in our room tonight. He's been having nightmares and doesn't want to leave my side - the kids scared him earlier and he's afraid he's gonna get taken away from me and no matter the reassurance I do, he still is worried.

So I said "Right Kaedyn?"  He's confused, but says RIGHT!   Ha!  SO I said, do you know what you did when you were born?   He shakes his head a bit.  I said ...  "The doctor started to pull your head out of my belly, and only your head was out of my belly and you started to SCREAM and CRY!  Do you remember that?"  He shakes his head yes.  LOL.  I rephrased it and he thought about it and shook his head.   So then I said "Do you know what happened next?"   He shook his head no.    I told him, "Well the doctor pulled out your body from Momma's belly and the very moment your body came out, you started to pee EVERYWHERE!!!"  LOL....   and he did.  The doctor goes "Well his plumbing works!!"   But I said to him, "and you cried and cried and cried and the doctor said, 'well we know where he gets his attitude from!' and do you know what he meant Kaed?"   He shakes his head again.   "He meant that you got your attitude from me!" I explained to him.  "Do you think you got your attitude from me?"  He shook his head no.  So I said, "Did you get it from Daddy?"  He shook his head again.  So I asked, "Well who did you get it from then?"  He looks at me and without a beat, says "the doctor who was pulling my head out!"   HA HA HA HA HA HA ....

And THAT ladies and gentlemen is why we keep this one around!