Wednesday Writer Workshop

Mama Kat posts a "Writers Workshop Wednesday" ... I started mine last night but didn't get a chance to post it until this morning... but it's done! Whoohoo... here are my answers to her prompts! (You only need to pick one, but I decided to go for all 5)

1.) Create a video for your blog (vlog) and participate in Tim's "vlogemotions" by talking about an emotion you've felt this week. You can link up here AND link up at Tim's place at Fort Thompson on Thursday. That's right...you have my permission to double dip.

A vlog?? Ahhh… I love ya’ll but I don’t think so. No one wants to suffer through a video of me with screaming kids in the background and/or Nathan hanging off my shoulder. My video would end up containing a little blond head searching my desk for jelly beans, or pointing at something on my desk, wanting it. Yeah – just not a good idea… I'm still thinking about it though. (so one *might* pop up today)

But … I have no problem talking about emotions. An emotion I felt this week, there are so many after all. But one that I felt, I have to say … concern mixed with a little fear. I worry about my boys. Mainly Noah and Nathan. If you don’t know about my boys, it’s a long story but I would go read HERE … in the side bar there is a lot of the history of what is going on. Anyway – I wonder what kind of future they’ll have. I just wrote about this in their blog. My biggest questions are: Will they have a normal adulthood? Will they be able to have kids? Will they be able to find someone who loves them for who they are? Knowing how loveable Noah is now, I don’t think I have a doubt with him finding someone or having a fully functional adulthood (something I was told he would NOT have). Noah is such a magnet for people. There is always that fear of something happening, every time he gets sick, I instantly snap into panic mode – will this be it, will this be the beginning of the end. See, with Noah’s disorder it can be in any organ, and we don’t know, and that organ can fail at any time. He’s already come close to dying a few times but the closes was the week that Nathan was born, his kidneys were failing and the ER at home had completely blew it off. I had a OB appt at the clinic 2 hours away, took him in there, and they immediately admitted him. IMMEDIATELY. Thank goodness they did, and took it seriously. If they hadn’t – I fear what would have happened. But regardless, it’s a fear I don’t think about often, but that I can’t escape. With Nathan, not knowing yet what is the full picture of his issues, I have no idea… about anything. He is the sweetest boy and you can’t help but smile or laugh around him and his goofiness. There is a real chance that neither of them will be able to have kids. Noah because of his disorder, Nathan because of his organ issues down there, and if they find those special someones, find out they can’t have children, and want them, I already decided that I’ll support them in any way I can – through adoption, or surrogates – whatever they choose. Just like any mother, I just want my child to have happiness and love. It is the two most important things in life.

2.) Do you want a baby?

Do I want one? Well that is debatable. I have always had a dream of having a little girl. Dreams of pink, and frills, pig-tails and barbies, baby dolls and butterflies. Do I want to have another chance at that dream, who wouldn’t? Even if I got ANOTHER little boy, I wouldn’t care. I mean I look at Kaedyn, remembering the utter break down I had when I found out he was a boy. Dr. B (my OB) said “Well, it’s a boy” and I broke down into tears. I was SO happy he was healthy, and I had no doubt of that because for the first time since Calahan (my oldest), there was a baby inside me growing NORMALLY. That was a HUGE relief. But it was also a death of a dream. Now that I have Kaedyn in my life, and I know him and see his personality, I wouldn’t trade that little boy for all the pink in the world. That little boy looks JUST like me (thank goodness I look like two pretty boys or Kaedyn might have a problem! LOL) … and he is the happiest baby. Dennis and I find ourselves both saying “he is the greatest baby” … now, now that those first three months of hell are over anyway … but he is the greatest baby. He is the type of baby that makes you WANT more! I would love to someday still have that chance of the pink baby, but it probably won’t happen for us unless we adopt, because Dennis got fixed between my getting the amnio with Kaedyn at 16 weeks, and getting the results back at 18 weeks. Yep… he got fixed while I was 17 weeks pregnant. So, no want in the world can change that factor. We are both happy with our four boys (and the Princess should she ever join us) ... I feel complete... my boys are everything to me... Now with all that said, if a "Whoops" were to happen (which I doubt it would) ... then we would accept and love the baby no matter what, as we have done.

3.) Who got in big trouble this week?

Hummm… surprisingly no one really did. The week isn’t over yet though. Calahan got in HUGE trouble last week. Today is actually his last day of being suspended off the school bus, and he can start riding again tomorrow! Yay!

Big trouble… let me think… well it’s not trouble per-say – but Dennis dropped his English class. Between him getting sick prior to the family getting the flu, and then the family getting that flu… he missed a lot of school. He was actually worried about “attendance failing” … see if he misses so many days, then he “attendance fails” all his classes – it’s a guideline at the school. But he didn’t, however his English class he missed a lot. He missed writing a paper that was recently due, and had a hard time doing it. He was going to write the paper – an informative paper – on Dandy Walker (something our son Nathan has) … but once he sat down to write it, he realized that he couldn’t find a lot of info on it, what he could find was so medically termed that he didn’t understand it, and he didn’t think he could write 3 pages about it. So he talked to his instructor about changing subject, even though the paper was already late. Then he came home, expecting to punch out the paper and family life happened, dinner, crabby babies, needing 4 hands cuz 2 didn’t cut it, and then… he passed out in the chair about 8:30. He planned on staying after his classes and sit in the resource center to bang out the papers (the other due early next week, the next one an argumentative type which he said he already had all planned out) … but instead I guess he talked to his teacher and found out that due to the classes he had missed (he loses points) and if he got an A on EVERYTHING else, he would be able to get, at best, a C in her class. A “C” isn’t acceptable to him. So he went through his options, and decided to drop the class (now that he’s only got a week left) and re-take it. He doesn’t have to re-pay for the class, which is good. And he’s actually looking forward to taking it over to prove he can do better. See English and writing has always been a harder issue for him because he is one of those rare few with dyslexia. So it’s a point he wants to prove to not only everyone, but mostly, for himself. So as you can tell, not trouble, just a hitch in the plan.

4.) Write a poem for your mother.

She has taught me,

To be brave.

She has held my hand,

When I needed to be saved.

She has sat by my side,

In times that were utter blurs,

She has even been there,

When I didn’t think I needed her.

She says she was lucky,

To have a child like me.

But I’m lucky to have her,

She’s my best friend, you see.

My Mom is the best,

That I know is true.

All I can say, is…

I love you, thank you.

5.) Time for a trip? Where are you headed this summer?...Or where would you go if you COULD.

Speaking of Mom’s… there is a tentative plan to go out to Washington state to go visit my Mom, my Step-Dad, my Dad, my Step-Mom, my Sister .. my brother if he comes out from hiding… and some of my mom’s friends. Even though my mom and Russ have met Dennis, my Dad hasn’t nor anyone on that side of the family. Even though my mom has seen and been around Nathan & Kaedyn (she was with me for ALL the boys births, not easy when you live half way across the country!) … no one else has on my side of the family, and frankly neither has anyone on Dennis’ side. We live in WI, my Parents are in WA State (no I’m not from WA Sate, I’ve always lived right where I’m at, I was born in a hospital a few miles from me, I’ve attended a church all my life that is across town…they just *happened* to land in the same city!) … and Dennis’ family is in IL and NC. Now, his Dad has seen Nathan, when he was super little. Really that’s it. All they have are pictures and videos on the internet.

My Mom and Russ were talking about us coming out there this summer for a visit. This involves driving… 30 some hours one way, and back… 10 days, 4 days on the road… leaving 6 days to visit. Not so bad. Cal and Noah really want to go back out, last time they (and I) were out there was 2006 – Dennis was home – alone. Poor guy. He really wants to go out there. (We’ve discussed moving out there, but Mom & Russ are moving back here.) Last time I was there (in 2006) I didn’t get a chance to see my Dad & family. I saw my Dad and Step-Mom for an hour in 2004 when they stopped by… last time I really saw them was 2001 – before Noah was even *here*. I would like to see them. Very much.

But because Dennis is going to school and everything else, we don’t have the money to get out there, so my Mom would end up funding the whole trip, and I don’t really see that happening (although she’s thinking still) so it probably won’t happen. I’d be having a garage sale before we left to help, but who knows how much that would end up bringing in. I have a ton of baby clothes and stuff to sell though, and I do need to start getting everything in one place and priced so I can do that.

I know Dennis’ mom would LOVE to see the kids too, and meet them… but #1: we can’t do a trip down there cuz we don’t have the money, and #2: we wouldn’t have the time to do both with Dennis’ school. IF Dennis got a part time job (he’s been looking) and all that, and we were able to save up some, we might be able to go down there for Christmas. We can’t go to my parents for Christmas, actually, we can’t go from October to April or so cuz the mountain passes are closed.

SO .. it’ll happen, they’ll both happen … maybe not this year, but hopefully next, at the latest.

As for where I would want to go? Well… I would LOVE to take the kids to Disney – I mean, it’s a dream. I thought it would be a reality with Noah, I was encouraged to sign him up for Make A Wish long ago, but come to find out, he doesn’t qualify. I can understand that looking at him, now. But it bothers me with the above talked about fear hanging over me, part of me doesn’t understand. I don’t think Nathan would qualify either, but I don’t know.

Other dream places for me to visit – Ireland, Italy, and a cruise to Alaska… lol. That’s it. I don’t want much.